It's been a tough week.

Since yesterday afternoon, it turned even rougher.

I'm extremely worried. Frustrated. Helpless, even.

I am tired.

So, so tired.

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6. Character who would probably be your rival.

I gave this one some thought, and I got my answer.

Who else but Mitsuru from P3?

She is pretty, smart, dependable and confident.

Yeaps, she'll be one tough rival.

I rather be friends with her though.

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5. Character you’d like as your child.

This isn't very hard.

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4. Character you’d like to go shopping with.

Teddie!
He's quite stylish, and he enjoys the women's clothing department!

Not forgetting that he can score with the sample lady and I get to chow down a whole load of free samples while he's at it!

Nom nom nom nom nom.

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3. Character you’d date.

Sheesh, this one is tough!

Doesn't help that I love both guys and girls! More to the latter though.

And I can't pick just one of each gender!

For the guys, I'll go with the Protagonist or Shinjiro from P3, and Yosuke from P4.

On the girls' side, the female Protagonist from P3, and Chie from P4.

But for the ultimate answer, I'll have to choose...


She's a definite winner.

Yes, I typed 'she', and it's not a mistake! ♥

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2. Your least favorite character.

I was contemplating between Ebihara Ai and Kashiwagi Noriko from P4, and Ikutsuki Shuji from P3.

In the end, I decided on her.

Even Mr. Morooka aka King Moron wasn't completely that bad. He was just ridiculously harsh and mean.

Miss Kashiwagi? She just isn't the most interesting character to me. She claims that she's pretty, but I don't think so either.

Maybe I'm being biased.

Or maybe I just don't know who to pick since I don't really particularly hate a character from the games.

Well, she is one of the most unappealing ones though. In my humble opinion.

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1. Your favorite character.

Without a doubt...

"Everyday young life Junes!"

ジュﾈｽ 大好き!

(Junesu daisuki!/I love Junes!)

Who doesn't love Nanako? She's such a sensible and adorable girl! For a girl who is only nine*, she can prepare breakfast and do the laundry.

I can do neither. I'm an embarrassment.

Edit(09/03/2012): A lot of sites said that Nanako is actually six or seven. To my memory she's nine. Never mind. She's still freaking sensible at such a young age. I'm still an embarrassment.

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It's been awhile.

I thought it would be easy to handle two blogs.

Guess what? I was proven wrong.

I know nobody reads this blog anymore, albeit a few close friends and people who are following my blog.

Anyway, in a bid to revive it - I'll be doing another meme, taken from Persona Faggotry. This time, it's all based on a game series called Persona. There are quite a few games in the series, but I'm more familiar with Persona 3 and Persona 4 (P3 and P4 for short). My all-time favourite has got to be P4. I love the character development, the storyline and also the gameplay. Not forgetting the awesome soundtrack too!

Then again, I can't really judge because I haven't actually personally played P3. I might start on P3 after I'm done with P4 though!

I thank my brother for introducing me to this truly awesome game series. I don't think I ever fell in love with a game so much until P4 appeared in my life.

Gee, I sound like such an otaku now. But who cares?

Oh, did I mention that there's an anime for P4 too? It was released last year, and it's still ongoing. I can't wait for the next episode, which will be out on Saturday mornings with English subtitles. Saturday mornings are made more enjoyable with new episodes of P4: The Animation.

I'm glad that Japanese lessons at school with Chee-sensei and the awesome classmates are something that I'll never, ever regret taking.

One, I love learning new languages. Two, I really like learning about different cultures. I am exceptionally in love with the cultures of Japan.

Perhaps I should stop rambling and move on with the meme!

Oh, if you're not interested - check back in another 30 days or so.

Let the challenge begin!

1. Your favorite character
2. Your least favorite character
3. Character you’d date
4. Character you’d like to go shopping with
5. Character you’d like as your child
6. Character who would probably be your rival
7. Character you have most in common with
8. Character you look like the most
9. Character you’d bring home to your parents
10. Character you’d never bring home to your parents
11. Character you’d become best friends with
12. Character with your favorite voice/seiyuu
13. Character you’d go camping with
14. Character you wouldn’t mind being roommates with
15. Character you’d want to cook for you
16. Character you wouldn’t mind prancing naked for you
17. Your OTP
18. Character you wouldn’t mind having as a parent
19. Character you’d like to go karaoke with
20. Character you wouldn’t mind having as your butler/maid
21. Characters you’d take as your team
22. Another OTP of yours
23. Your favorite character of the opposite gender of #1
24. Character with your favorite uniform/outfit
25. Character who would be your band-mate if you were in a band
26. Character you wouldn’t mind having as your boss
27. Character you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark alley
28. Character you’d want personified into a dog
29. Character you’d want personified into a cat
30. Character you’d want to cosplay as

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The Rules

You must post these rules.
Each person must post 11 things about themselves in their journal.
Answer the questions that the tagger set for you in their post and create 11 new questions for the people you tagged to answer.
You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them on the post.
Go to their page and tell them HER/HIM.
No tagging back!
No stuff in the tagging section about "YOU ARE TAGGED IF YOU'RE READING THIS!" YOU LEGITIMATELY (a.k.a REALLY, TRUSTFULLY, WITH ALL HONESTY) have tagged 11 people.

11 things about me:

1. I was actually left-handed when I was younger.
2. Many things about the arts intrigue and inspire me.
3. I would love to be famous for my talent, not my health condition.
4. I'm such a pushover at times.
5. I'm too nice.
6. I've tried to be selfish and mean, but it pricks my conscience instead.
7. I have too many interests.
8. I can be really stubborn when I want to.
9. I hate arguments, whether I'm directly involved or not.
10. I'd like to pick up the ukulele, though I believe I suck at instruments with strings.
11. I love cats!
    

Xinyun's questions:

1. What is your favourite TV show and why?
The TV has been one of my best friends since my quarantine started. I like a variety of shows, so I really can't choose!

2. Who do you think you can't live without?
My family and friends.

3. Why do you think people are racist?
There are many reasons, factors and possibilities. They could be influenced by their surroundings - their family members and/or friends, and/or the society they live in. They also might be influenced by the mass media. Having the same thoughts as another, whether you agree or not doesn't really matter; one gets a sense of belonging and feels like he/she is doing the 'right' thing, whatever society expects from them.

4. Do you think #foreveralone(s) deserve someone good?
Why not?

5. What do you think about me? [feel free to speak up]
I think you're a really nice friend. You have low self-esteem at times, but hey, which average human doesn't? You stick to what you know you love, and despite how some people cannot appreciate you for who you are, you stay true to yourself. That's admirable.

6. If you were to pick between 'a talent' or 'be sociable', which would you pick and why?
It's tempting, but I would pick neither. All of us have a talent, maybe even more than one talent. It's just as case of whether one had managed to discover his/her talent or it still remains hidden.

On the latter, being a sociable person depends on how much interaction you have with many different individuals, and whether you feel comfortable in the presence of different people. Learning how to be sociable takes time, personality and interaction. I'd rather learn how to be sociable than be one just like that.

7. Should girls be over concerned about their appearance?
Nope. It's not wrong for girls to be concerned about their appearances, but there is a limit to certain behaviours and habits. If one is really as over-concerned as you said, as long as it doesn't disrupt their lifestyles or their physical health, it should be fine for these girls as long as they're happy and satisfied with themselves.

8. What is your favourite food and why?
I love food. There's no way I can choose just one. Sorry!

9. Name 3 characteristics you want your boyfriend to own.
Honest, mature, respectful. Then again, it depends when I meet this person.

10. Are you materialistic? Explain whyyyyyy? :(
I don't think so! There is more to life than materialism.

11. Will you not accept someone who likes you just because you're going away? (let's assume feelings are kinda mutual)
It all depends on the situation. Assuming that all is well and the feelings are mutual, I might give it a shot.

I'm not going to do the rest of the tag. Answering the questions should be sufficient. (:

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There you have it, a new look and a new link for the new year.

For your information and for bragging rights, I made this blogskin from scratch. Oh, and also the blogskins for my cancer blog and my new photography/Project 365 blog too. (I couldn't bear to just stop using my previous link, it has been my link since I started this blog till now. So, I switched links instead!)

It was a little project I worked on to keep myself fairly distracted from thinking too much while being quarantined at home.

I finished them ages ago, but I told myself I'm only going to start applying these new layouts in 2012.

It'll be nice to have some feedback, especially on how you readers are viewing it! My blogskins may look different on different browsers; I'm using Mozilla Firefox, and it looks fine here.

By the way, Shoutmix doesn't offer free service anymore, so I'm using Cbox instead.

I'll try to give a proper update soon!

Anyway, despite the day ending in less than two hours - a very Happy New Year to all!

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• I hate cancer for ruining my life. I hate cancer for not letting me live my youth like I should be. I hate cancer for making my parents spend so much money in keeping me alive instead of investing in my education so that I could get a good job and provide for them. I hate cancer for making me feel so weak and useless.
  
  
• Yet, it's all thanks to cancer for teaching me the values of life and being a better person.
  
  
• It hurts to see you so happy. I know I should be happy for you, but truthfully, it's too hard.
  
  
• I was lying when I said that I never loved you. I did.
  
  
• Couldn't you see that I was just being selfless...? Couldn't you tell that I wanted you to seek happiness because I know that I'll just be a burden to you...?
  
  
• I shouldn't have typed the previous statement, because it's going to mess things up. But it hurts to keep it to myself too.
  
  
• I didn't want to confide in you about my problems anymore, because I didn't want your girlfriend to get the wrong idea. Just in case, okay?
  
  
• You may think that I'm distancing myself from you. The answer is a definite yes, but it's not by choice.
  
  
• Why are you being so nice to me? I really appreciate you for being there for me, but it may cause me to have the wrong idea.
  
  
• It's ironic how cancer has helped me to filter my friends - those who really care and those who don't give a shit about me.
  
  
• Also, I found really nice friends. They may be few, but I enjoy talking to them a lot. They know who they are.
  
  
• I don't think you'll ever read this. I really love you as a friend. You said that you love me too. But you never really seem to care.
  
  
• I miss you tremendously as a friend. It's just too bad that you sort of wanted me dead. There's no way I can appreciate that.
  
  
• I know I'm starting to get forgetten by my friends. I know that this gap between them and me is there. We just don't have much in common to talk about anymore. All of you are continuing your studies, while I'm still stuck at home. It makes me terribly lonely and awkward.
  
  
• Some of you are afraid to talk to me because you are afraid of saying the wrong things. I don't blame any of you, but I do miss all of you.
  
  
• Some of you are afraid to talk to me because you think that my cancer is contagious and it'll spread to you if you converse with me. You guys suck.
  
  
• It's not easy being quarantined like this. It hurts that a lot of you think that I'm just locking myself up because I'm bald and feeling ugly. I do feel ugly, but being quarantined is not my fucking choice. Stop fucking blaming me already!!
  
  
• I just feel miserable, tired, and really depressed. I don't mean to blog to rant about all things negative. I said it before, and I'm going to say it again - IT FUCKING HURTS to keep everything to myself.
  
  
• This post is far from concise and of substance.
  
  
• I don't know how to be selfish.
  

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I have been having dizzy spells recently. Minor headaches and fatigue are also affecting me once more.

I hate feeling so tired. It makes me feel unproductive when it comes to my personal to-do list. (I compiled this list so that I wouldn't feel kind of useless when it comes to everyday life, i.e. doing nothing because I'm not allowed from doing chores in case my health gets affected. More on that some other time.)

There was this period of time when I felt like I was a normal, healthy person again. I was online every single day without fail, I managed to complete the 30 day meme, I got to talk to some of my friends online too.

Obviously, I got too comfortable with that routine.

I really hate how unstable my health is. Just as I'd gotten used to feeling great and active again, my body shuts down on me and I feel pretty awful.

I know I shouldn't be stressing myself out, but I have so many things that are left undone. To think that I actually set a personal deadline for myself to complete said to-do list. (Deadline's before the start of the new year, anyway.)

I just want to start 2012 afresh. I'm looking forward to a major improvement in my health for the coming new year. I don't want to be too hopeful; with great expectations, comes great disappointments as well if things don't go your way. Some of you might think that I'm viewing the glass as half-empty, but it's not me thinking negatively. I just rather not go through the same kind of frustration, pain, and sadness when I found out that my cancer came back in three short months; I was expecting a full recovery, you see.

I'm sorry to those I have yet to respond online; I feel bad for not replying sooner, and it weighs rather heavily on my heart. (Amanda! I'm so sorry! D:) I'm not exaggerating at all; I just feel obliged to do so, somehow. The fact that I do feel kind of lonely a lot and being cut off from the outside world like this could be another reason as well.

Can't cancer just get out of my life already? It's been here long enough, seriously!

***Being myself makes me look stupid to you. Being defensive makes you view me as someone unfriendly.

I can never please everyone.

It hurts, because I just want to be liked and loved in my own skin.

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Other than the fact that I'm feeling super frustrated and annoyed at the moment, I'm perfectly fine.

Who am I trying to kid. I'm obviously far from okay.

I'm really pissed at a few individuals. Despite the novelty of today being 11/11/11 and me expecting it to be a great day, it's not. I even made a wish at 11:11, and apparently it's far from becoming a reality.

Expectations suck. No wonder Kelly made it a crucial point during our talks and said that I have to rid my life of all these expectations. I'll be a much happier person then.

I'm upset, and there's nobody to talk to.

Oh fuck.

I won't be blogging here till I get some matters resolved and things sorted out.

Till then, I hope everyone reading this is having a better day than me.

Cheers.

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Day 30: A photograph of yourself today + Three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.

No photograph! Sorry about that, but like I'd mentioned earlier - I look darn unpresentable.

Three good things, huh.

1. I started to go online more often again and I managed to do some catching up with my friends. (Damn, I missed them so much. Still do!)
   
2. I sent a letter to my Twinnie in KL. (I intend to write more letters to a few more friends.)
   
3. Finishing two parts of my craft project. (Six more parts to go! Then I will expose what this project really is on my blog.)
   

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Day 29: Something you could never get tired of doing.

I won't get tired of doing something easily, but having a short attention span and being such an impatient brat really doesn't help me much. I tend to find it hard to focus on one task only. So, I'll keep switching tasks till I eventually get something done.

That used to be me before cancer. Now, I have too much freedom and too much idle time. Recuperating from my stem cell transplant doesn't count - my body felt like absolute crap and I was pretty much a lifeless zombie.

Anyway, out of so many things that I enjoy doing - doodling, blogging, gaming, etc.; I don't think I will ever get tired of reading.

Reading is such a joy. Books don't judge you, even if some of us do by its cover. To devour every word, stepping into the shoes of the characters, pondering about what message(s) the authour is trying to convey and the satisfaction of finishing a book - delightful, amazing, satisfying.

Suddenly, a few more things come into mind - photography, writing, fashion and the arts.

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Day 28: Your favorite movie.

Another topic asking me for just one favourite. Seriously, this meme needs to understand that I have favourites. Not just one favourite. I'm not that inflexible!

Anyway, I'm just going to list a few of my all-time favourites that I could think of at the top of my head right now.

In no particular order:

'The Way Home'

'Swing Girls'

'The Leap Years'

'Sepet'

'Hook'

'Nana'
All images are sourced from their respective Wikipedia pages except for the poster for The Leap Years, which I got from this link.

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Day 27: A picture of you last year and a picture of you now. How have you changed since then?

2010.

2011.
Okay, so I cheated a little here. The photo I chose for 'now' was actually taken earlier this year, before I found out that my cancer came back. There aren't many changes physically, to be honest. The only things that differ from how I currently look like and me in the picture are the length of my hair and the shape of my face. My hair is starting to grow back, but it's still super short. My face also looks much rounder due to the steroids I have been consuming. It looks all bloated and puffed out.

There, I said it! The main reason why I didn't want to take a new photo of myself and upload it on my blog for this entry. All because...


I digress.

How have I changed since knowing that I got cancer at the age of seventeen?

1. I was forced to grow up even more quickly than before.
   
   
2. I have learnt a whole damn lot about life being a cancer patient than being a normal rebellious teenager.
   
   
3. I am now aware that happiness and good health are my priorities; not perfection, success, fame and expectations.
   
   
4. I have discovered the art of letting go. Discovered, mind you, not mastering.
   
   
5. I have been taught the valuable lesson of not taking things for granted and appreciating what I already have.
   
   
6. I have made the phrase 'stop and smell the roses' one of my personal mottos to live by.
   
   
7. I'm still too selfless to be true and a drastic people-pleaser, but I have learnt how to love myself a little more and start being selfish once in a blue moon.
   
   
8. I have been made conscious of how unpredictable life is and can be; how short life is, how I only get to live once as my current identity with my current level of understanding and my current family members and friends.
   
   
9. I have found out who are my true friends, and who aren't.
   
   
10. Knowing that time isn't really on my side, nor anyone else's.
    

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Day 26: A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.

Merlion Park, Singapore.
16th January 2010.
I can easily count the number of times I've been to Singapore using just one hand. Some of my friends who are reading this might find this statement of mine absolutely pathetic; I know friends who frequent Singapore very often for shopping trips and/or hanging out with their friends instead of choosing to meet up in the same old places here. So, don't laugh at the fact that I hardly know how to get across the boarder to Singapore. I don't find it particularly funny nor amusing.

I will master the art of getting into Singapore and back into Malaysia eventually, okay! This has nothing to do with airports either. I'm thinking public transport.

I do look forward to going there for extreme window shopping, filling my stomach with good food, and immersing myself in the arts there one day when I've recovered from cancer. Also, I would like to visit a few friends there - one of them being my previous piano teacher, Miss Ng who has settled down there with her husband, and quite a number of friends from RYLA 2008.

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Day 25: What’s in your handbag?

I have lots of random bits and pieces in my handbag, or rather, knapsack. I'm more of a knapsack kind of girl, really. I find it more practical. If I really have to use a handbag, it's normally huge so that I can fit in more trash stuff inside.

Generally, the must bring items are:

1. My wallet.
2. Reading material of any kind - magazines, comics, the like.
   
3. At least one book.
   
4. A bottle of water.
5. My cell phone.
6. A few packets of tissue paper.
7. A notepad.
   
8. A pen.

Surprisingly, you won't find make-up in my bag - unlike most girls.

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Day 24: A photo of something that means a lot to you.

I promised a great friend, Anna to upload my photos of the sunflower she and another great friend, Azri got for me onto Facebook when I could. But the project seems unfinished, so I think I'm just going to post one of the photos here for now.

Both the sunflower and the quote "The Flowers Won't Mind" mean a lot to me. All because of the girl named Anna Sabrina who came up with the quote and the flower-giving culture in school.

Ah, this girl. She brought so much cheer into my life, it's crazy, I tell you. Never have I met someone who is so brilliantly optimistic about life and its everything.I have learnt so much from her - how to let go, how to be more happy, how to just live life to the fullest through good cheer and smiles.

I will never ever forget the most touching thing she did for me - I helplessly broke down in school after succumbing to major stress and the event of losing a close friend. Class was in session then, but we were asked to do the work given as the teacher had already completed the lesson. Suddenly, I felt like crying really badly. I got up from my seat, walked to the back of the class to where my two other great friends - Gurpreet and Jia Ying were seated, hid behind their chairs, and burst into tears immediately.

Anna and Azri were there as well, and they did something that a goody two-shoes like me would never ever do, unless it's certified safe and punishment-free.

They snuck out the back door of the classroom, went all the way downstairs, and came back upstairs with the risk of getting caught anytime by any teacher; to give me flowers picked up from the side of the field.

With their good intentions of wanting me to stop crying, I think I failed them when I started to produce more buckets of tears. I was too touched, really.

The gesture was sweet and simple. I couldn't ask for better friends like her, them and a lot of other people in my life.

I miss my friends oh so terribly as well. Sigh.

Anyway, till the next entry - cheers!

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

It's been a tough week.

Since yesterday afternoon, it turned even rougher.

I'm extremely worried. Frustrated. Helpless, even.

I am tired.

So, so tired.

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6. Character who would probably be your rival.

I gave this one some thought, and I got my answer.

Who else but Mitsuru from P3?

She is pretty, smart, dependable and confident.

Yeaps, she'll be one tough rival.

I rather be friends with her though.

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5. Character you’d like as your child.

This isn't very hard.

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4. Character you’d like to go shopping with.

Teddie!
He's quite stylish, and he enjoys the women's clothing department!

Not forgetting that he can score with the sample lady and I get to chow down a whole load of free samples while he's at it!

Nom nom nom nom nom.

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3. Character you’d date.

Sheesh, this one is tough!

Doesn't help that I love both guys and girls! More to the latter though.

And I can't pick just one of each gender!

For the guys, I'll go with the Protagonist or Shinjiro from P3, and Yosuke from P4.

On the girls' side, the female Protagonist from P3, and Chie from P4.

But for the ultimate answer, I'll have to choose...


She's a definite winner.

Yes, I typed 'she', and it's not a mistake! ♥

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2. Your least favorite character.

I was contemplating between Ebihara Ai and Kashiwagi Noriko from P4, and Ikutsuki Shuji from P3.

In the end, I decided on her.

Even Mr. Morooka aka King Moron wasn't completely that bad. He was just ridiculously harsh and mean.

Miss Kashiwagi? She just isn't the most interesting character to me. She claims that she's pretty, but I don't think so either.

Maybe I'm being biased.

Or maybe I just don't know who to pick since I don't really particularly hate a character from the games.

Well, she is one of the most unappealing ones though. In my humble opinion.

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1. Your favorite character.

Without a doubt...

"Everyday young life Junes!"

ジュﾈｽ 大好き!

(Junesu daisuki!/I love Junes!)

Who doesn't love Nanako? She's such a sensible and adorable girl! For a girl who is only nine*, she can prepare breakfast and do the laundry.

I can do neither. I'm an embarrassment.

Edit(09/03/2012): A lot of sites said that Nanako is actually six or seven. To my memory she's nine. Never mind. She's still freaking sensible at such a young age. I'm still an embarrassment.

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It's been awhile.

I thought it would be easy to handle two blogs.

Guess what? I was proven wrong.

I know nobody reads this blog anymore, albeit a few close friends and people who are following my blog.

Anyway, in a bid to revive it - I'll be doing another meme, taken from Persona Faggotry. This time, it's all based on a game series called Persona. There are quite a few games in the series, but I'm more familiar with Persona 3 and Persona 4 (P3 and P4 for short). My all-time favourite has got to be P4. I love the character development, the storyline and also the gameplay. Not forgetting the awesome soundtrack too!

Then again, I can't really judge because I haven't actually personally played P3. I might start on P3 after I'm done with P4 though!

I thank my brother for introducing me to this truly awesome game series. I don't think I ever fell in love with a game so much until P4 appeared in my life.

Gee, I sound like such an otaku now. But who cares?

Oh, did I mention that there's an anime for P4 too? It was released last year, and it's still ongoing. I can't wait for the next episode, which will be out on Saturday mornings with English subtitles. Saturday mornings are made more enjoyable with new episodes of P4: The Animation.

I'm glad that Japanese lessons at school with Chee-sensei and the awesome classmates are something that I'll never, ever regret taking.

One, I love learning new languages. Two, I really like learning about different cultures. I am exceptionally in love with the cultures of Japan.

Perhaps I should stop rambling and move on with the meme!

Oh, if you're not interested - check back in another 30 days or so.

Let the challenge begin!

1. Your favorite character
2. Your least favorite character
3. Character you’d date
4. Character you’d like to go shopping with
5. Character you’d like as your child
6. Character who would probably be your rival
7. Character you have most in common with
8. Character you look like the most
9. Character you’d bring home to your parents
10. Character you’d never bring home to your parents
11. Character you’d become best friends with
12. Character with your favorite voice/seiyuu
13. Character you’d go camping with
14. Character you wouldn’t mind being roommates with
15. Character you’d want to cook for you
16. Character you wouldn’t mind prancing naked for you
17. Your OTP
18. Character you wouldn’t mind having as a parent
19. Character you’d like to go karaoke with
20. Character you wouldn’t mind having as your butler/maid
21. Characters you’d take as your team
22. Another OTP of yours
23. Your favorite character of the opposite gender of #1
24. Character with your favorite uniform/outfit
25. Character who would be your band-mate if you were in a band
26. Character you wouldn’t mind having as your boss
27. Character you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark alley
28. Character you’d want personified into a dog
29. Character you’d want personified into a cat
30. Character you’d want to cosplay as

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The Rules

You must post these rules.
Each person must post 11 things about themselves in their journal.
Answer the questions that the tagger set for you in their post and create 11 new questions for the people you tagged to answer.
You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them on the post.
Go to their page and tell them HER/HIM.
No tagging back!
No stuff in the tagging section about "YOU ARE TAGGED IF YOU'RE READING THIS!" YOU LEGITIMATELY (a.k.a REALLY, TRUSTFULLY, WITH ALL HONESTY) have tagged 11 people.

11 things about me:

1. I was actually left-handed when I was younger.
2. Many things about the arts intrigue and inspire me.
3. I would love to be famous for my talent, not my health condition.
4. I'm such a pushover at times.
5. I'm too nice.
6. I've tried to be selfish and mean, but it pricks my conscience instead.
7. I have too many interests.
8. I can be really stubborn when I want to.
9. I hate arguments, whether I'm directly involved or not.
10. I'd like to pick up the ukulele, though I believe I suck at instruments with strings.
11. I love cats!
    

Xinyun's questions:

1. What is your favourite TV show and why?
The TV has been one of my best friends since my quarantine started. I like a variety of shows, so I really can't choose!

2. Who do you think you can't live without?
My family and friends.

3. Why do you think people are racist?
There are many reasons, factors and possibilities. They could be influenced by their surroundings - their family members and/or friends, and/or the society they live in. They also might be influenced by the mass media. Having the same thoughts as another, whether you agree or not doesn't really matter; one gets a sense of belonging and feels like he/she is doing the 'right' thing, whatever society expects from them.

4. Do you think #foreveralone(s) deserve someone good?
Why not?

5. What do you think about me? [feel free to speak up]
I think you're a really nice friend. You have low self-esteem at times, but hey, which average human doesn't? You stick to what you know you love, and despite how some people cannot appreciate you for who you are, you stay true to yourself. That's admirable.

6. If you were to pick between 'a talent' or 'be sociable', which would you pick and why?
It's tempting, but I would pick neither. All of us have a talent, maybe even more than one talent. It's just as case of whether one had managed to discover his/her talent or it still remains hidden.

On the latter, being a sociable person depends on how much interaction you have with many different individuals, and whether you feel comfortable in the presence of different people. Learning how to be sociable takes time, personality and interaction. I'd rather learn how to be sociable than be one just like that.

7. Should girls be over concerned about their appearance?
Nope. It's not wrong for girls to be concerned about their appearances, but there is a limit to certain behaviours and habits. If one is really as over-concerned as you said, as long as it doesn't disrupt their lifestyles or their physical health, it should be fine for these girls as long as they're happy and satisfied with themselves.

8. What is your favourite food and why?
I love food. There's no way I can choose just one. Sorry!

9. Name 3 characteristics you want your boyfriend to own.
Honest, mature, respectful. Then again, it depends when I meet this person.

10. Are you materialistic? Explain whyyyyyy? :(
I don't think so! There is more to life than materialism.

11. Will you not accept someone who likes you just because you're going away? (let's assume feelings are kinda mutual)
It all depends on the situation. Assuming that all is well and the feelings are mutual, I might give it a shot.

I'm not going to do the rest of the tag. Answering the questions should be sufficient. (:

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There you have it, a new look and a new link for the new year.

For your information and for bragging rights, I made this blogskin from scratch. Oh, and also the blogskins for my cancer blog and my new photography/Project 365 blog too. (I couldn't bear to just stop using my previous link, it has been my link since I started this blog till now. So, I switched links instead!)

It was a little project I worked on to keep myself fairly distracted from thinking too much while being quarantined at home.

I finished them ages ago, but I told myself I'm only going to start applying these new layouts in 2012.

It'll be nice to have some feedback, especially on how you readers are viewing it! My blogskins may look different on different browsers; I'm using Mozilla Firefox, and it looks fine here.

By the way, Shoutmix doesn't offer free service anymore, so I'm using Cbox instead.

I'll try to give a proper update soon!

Anyway, despite the day ending in less than two hours - a very Happy New Year to all!

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• I hate cancer for ruining my life. I hate cancer for not letting me live my youth like I should be. I hate cancer for making my parents spend so much money in keeping me alive instead of investing in my education so that I could get a good job and provide for them. I hate cancer for making me feel so weak and useless.
  
  
• Yet, it's all thanks to cancer for teaching me the values of life and being a better person.
  
  
• It hurts to see you so happy. I know I should be happy for you, but truthfully, it's too hard.
  
  
• I was lying when I said that I never loved you. I did.
  
  
• Couldn't you see that I was just being selfless...? Couldn't you tell that I wanted you to seek happiness because I know that I'll just be a burden to you...?
  
  
• I shouldn't have typed the previous statement, because it's going to mess things up. But it hurts to keep it to myself too.
  
  
• I didn't want to confide in you about my problems anymore, because I didn't want your girlfriend to get the wrong idea. Just in case, okay?
  
  
• You may think that I'm distancing myself from you. The answer is a definite yes, but it's not by choice.
  
  
• Why are you being so nice to me? I really appreciate you for being there for me, but it may cause me to have the wrong idea.
  
  
• It's ironic how cancer has helped me to filter my friends - those who really care and those who don't give a shit about me.
  
  
• Also, I found really nice friends. They may be few, but I enjoy talking to them a lot. They know who they are.
  
  
• I don't think you'll ever read this. I really love you as a friend. You said that you love me too. But you never really seem to care.
  
  
• I miss you tremendously as a friend. It's just too bad that you sort of wanted me dead. There's no way I can appreciate that.
  
  
• I know I'm starting to get forgetten by my friends. I know that this gap between them and me is there. We just don't have much in common to talk about anymore. All of you are continuing your studies, while I'm still stuck at home. It makes me terribly lonely and awkward.
  
  
• Some of you are afraid to talk to me because you are afraid of saying the wrong things. I don't blame any of you, but I do miss all of you.
  
  
• Some of you are afraid to talk to me because you think that my cancer is contagious and it'll spread to you if you converse with me. You guys suck.
  
  
• It's not easy being quarantined like this. It hurts that a lot of you think that I'm just locking myself up because I'm bald and feeling ugly. I do feel ugly, but being quarantined is not my fucking choice. Stop fucking blaming me already!!
  
  
• I just feel miserable, tired, and really depressed. I don't mean to blog to rant about all things negative. I said it before, and I'm going to say it again - IT FUCKING HURTS to keep everything to myself.
  
  
• This post is far from concise and of substance.
  
  
• I don't know how to be selfish.
  

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I have been having dizzy spells recently. Minor headaches and fatigue are also affecting me once more.

I hate feeling so tired. It makes me feel unproductive when it comes to my personal to-do list. (I compiled this list so that I wouldn't feel kind of useless when it comes to everyday life, i.e. doing nothing because I'm not allowed from doing chores in case my health gets affected. More on that some other time.)

There was this period of time when I felt like I was a normal, healthy person again. I was online every single day without fail, I managed to complete the 30 day meme, I got to talk to some of my friends online too.

Obviously, I got too comfortable with that routine.

I really hate how unstable my health is. Just as I'd gotten used to feeling great and active again, my body shuts down on me and I feel pretty awful.

I know I shouldn't be stressing myself out, but I have so many things that are left undone. To think that I actually set a personal deadline for myself to complete said to-do list. (Deadline's before the start of the new year, anyway.)

I just want to start 2012 afresh. I'm looking forward to a major improvement in my health for the coming new year. I don't want to be too hopeful; with great expectations, comes great disappointments as well if things don't go your way. Some of you might think that I'm viewing the glass as half-empty, but it's not me thinking negatively. I just rather not go through the same kind of frustration, pain, and sadness when I found out that my cancer came back in three short months; I was expecting a full recovery, you see.

I'm sorry to those I have yet to respond online; I feel bad for not replying sooner, and it weighs rather heavily on my heart. (Amanda! I'm so sorry! D:) I'm not exaggerating at all; I just feel obliged to do so, somehow. The fact that I do feel kind of lonely a lot and being cut off from the outside world like this could be another reason as well.

Can't cancer just get out of my life already? It's been here long enough, seriously!

***Being myself makes me look stupid to you. Being defensive makes you view me as someone unfriendly.

I can never please everyone.

It hurts, because I just want to be liked and loved in my own skin.

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Other than the fact that I'm feeling super frustrated and annoyed at the moment, I'm perfectly fine.

Who am I trying to kid. I'm obviously far from okay.

I'm really pissed at a few individuals. Despite the novelty of today being 11/11/11 and me expecting it to be a great day, it's not. I even made a wish at 11:11, and apparently it's far from becoming a reality.

Expectations suck. No wonder Kelly made it a crucial point during our talks and said that I have to rid my life of all these expectations. I'll be a much happier person then.

I'm upset, and there's nobody to talk to.

Oh fuck.

I won't be blogging here till I get some matters resolved and things sorted out.

Till then, I hope everyone reading this is having a better day than me.

Cheers.

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Day 30: A photograph of yourself today + Three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.

No photograph! Sorry about that, but like I'd mentioned earlier - I look darn unpresentable.

Three good things, huh.

1. I started to go online more often again and I managed to do some catching up with my friends. (Damn, I missed them so much. Still do!)
   
2. I sent a letter to my Twinnie in KL. (I intend to write more letters to a few more friends.)
   
3. Finishing two parts of my craft project. (Six more parts to go! Then I will expose what this project really is on my blog.)
   

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Day 29: Something you could never get tired of doing.

I won't get tired of doing something easily, but having a short attention span and being such an impatient brat really doesn't help me much. I tend to find it hard to focus on one task only. So, I'll keep switching tasks till I eventually get something done.

That used to be me before cancer. Now, I have too much freedom and too much idle time. Recuperating from my stem cell transplant doesn't count - my body felt like absolute crap and I was pretty much a lifeless zombie.

Anyway, out of so many things that I enjoy doing - doodling, blogging, gaming, etc.; I don't think I will ever get tired of reading.

Reading is such a joy. Books don't judge you, even if some of us do by its cover. To devour every word, stepping into the shoes of the characters, pondering about what message(s) the authour is trying to convey and the satisfaction of finishing a book - delightful, amazing, satisfying.

Suddenly, a few more things come into mind - photography, writing, fashion and the arts.

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Day 28: Your favorite movie.

Another topic asking me for just one favourite. Seriously, this meme needs to understand that I have favourites. Not just one favourite. I'm not that inflexible!

Anyway, I'm just going to list a few of my all-time favourites that I could think of at the top of my head right now.

In no particular order:

'The Way Home'

'Swing Girls'

'The Leap Years'

'Sepet'

'Hook'

'Nana'
All images are sourced from their respective Wikipedia pages except for the poster for The Leap Years, which I got from this link.

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Day 27: A picture of you last year and a picture of you now. How have you changed since then?

2010.

2011.
Okay, so I cheated a little here. The photo I chose for 'now' was actually taken earlier this year, before I found out that my cancer came back. There aren't many changes physically, to be honest. The only things that differ from how I currently look like and me in the picture are the length of my hair and the shape of my face. My hair is starting to grow back, but it's still super short. My face also looks much rounder due to the steroids I have been consuming. It looks all bloated and puffed out.

There, I said it! The main reason why I didn't want to take a new photo of myself and upload it on my blog for this entry. All because...


I digress.

How have I changed since knowing that I got cancer at the age of seventeen?

1. I was forced to grow up even more quickly than before.
   
   
2. I have learnt a whole damn lot about life being a cancer patient than being a normal rebellious teenager.
   
   
3. I am now aware that happiness and good health are my priorities; not perfection, success, fame and expectations.
   
   
4. I have discovered the art of letting go. Discovered, mind you, not mastering.
   
   
5. I have been taught the valuable lesson of not taking things for granted and appreciating what I already have.
   
   
6. I have made the phrase 'stop and smell the roses' one of my personal mottos to live by.
   
   
7. I'm still too selfless to be true and a drastic people-pleaser, but I have learnt how to love myself a little more and start being selfish once in a blue moon.
   
   
8. I have been made conscious of how unpredictable life is and can be; how short life is, how I only get to live once as my current identity with my current level of understanding and my current family members and friends.
   
   
9. I have found out who are my true friends, and who aren't.
   
   
10. Knowing that time isn't really on my side, nor anyone else's.
    

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Day 26: A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.

Merlion Park, Singapore.
16th January 2010.
I can easily count the number of times I've been to Singapore using just one hand. Some of my friends who are reading this might find this statement of mine absolutely pathetic; I know friends who frequent Singapore very often for shopping trips and/or hanging out with their friends instead of choosing to meet up in the same old places here. So, don't laugh at the fact that I hardly know how to get across the boarder to Singapore. I don't find it particularly funny nor amusing.

I will master the art of getting into Singapore and back into Malaysia eventually, okay! This has nothing to do with airports either. I'm thinking public transport.

I do look forward to going there for extreme window shopping, filling my stomach with good food, and immersing myself in the arts there one day when I've recovered from cancer. Also, I would like to visit a few friends there - one of them being my previous piano teacher, Miss Ng who has settled down there with her husband, and quite a number of friends from RYLA 2008.

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Day 25: What’s in your handbag?

I have lots of random bits and pieces in my handbag, or rather, knapsack. I'm more of a knapsack kind of girl, really. I find it more practical. If I really have to use a handbag, it's normally huge so that I can fit in more trash stuff inside.

Generally, the must bring items are:

1. My wallet.
2. Reading material of any kind - magazines, comics, the like.
   
3. At least one book.
   
4. A bottle of water.
5. My cell phone.
6. A few packets of tissue paper.
7. A notepad.
   
8. A pen.

Surprisingly, you won't find make-up in my bag - unlike most girls.

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Day 24: A photo of something that means a lot to you.

I promised a great friend, Anna to upload my photos of the sunflower she and another great friend, Azri got for me onto Facebook when I could. But the project seems unfinished, so I think I'm just going to post one of the photos here for now.

Both the sunflower and the quote "The Flowers Won't Mind" mean a lot to me. All because of the girl named Anna Sabrina who came up with the quote and the flower-giving culture in school.

Ah, this girl. She brought so much cheer into my life, it's crazy, I tell you. Never have I met someone who is so brilliantly optimistic about life and its everything.I have learnt so much from her - how to let go, how to be more happy, how to just live life to the fullest through good cheer and smiles.

I will never ever forget the most touching thing she did for me - I helplessly broke down in school after succumbing to major stress and the event of losing a close friend. Class was in session then, but we were asked to do the work given as the teacher had already completed the lesson. Suddenly, I felt like crying really badly. I got up from my seat, walked to the back of the class to where my two other great friends - Gurpreet and Jia Ying were seated, hid behind their chairs, and burst into tears immediately.

Anna and Azri were there as well, and they did something that a goody two-shoes like me would never ever do, unless it's certified safe and punishment-free.

They snuck out the back door of the classroom, went all the way downstairs, and came back upstairs with the risk of getting caught anytime by any teacher; to give me flowers picked up from the side of the field.

With their good intentions of wanting me to stop crying, I think I failed them when I started to produce more buckets of tears. I was too touched, really.

The gesture was sweet and simple. I couldn't ask for better friends like her, them and a lot of other people in my life.

I miss my friends oh so terribly as well. Sigh.

Anyway, till the next entry - cheers!

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