22:50
Sunday 28 February 2010
Loveless.

It's Chap Goh Mei today, the fifteenth day of the Chinese New Year celebrations.

The last day as well.

I read in the Star paper recently that Chap Goh Mei is celebrated as the Chinese version of Valentine's Day, to celebrate this day with loved ones, family and friends.

Thinking of Pn Tee's family on this day, without her..

I'm sorry, the tears are starting again.

Attending Pn Tee's funeral tomorrow morning. I'm grateful I get to pay my last respects properly and apologize for my wrongdoings if I committed any, whether I realized it or not.

I'm praying very hard she'll rest in peace. Imagine a mother leaving her two very young children behind..what would she feel..?

..Amitabha.


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21:50
Saturday 27 February 2010
一人一半, 感情不散.

The food I had for dinner earlier tasted really bland.

Tears could had made them saltier, but I held them in. The parents wouldn't like it if I shed tears during dinnertime, no matter what. No matter how much they understood.

The text message from Fairuz was something I didn't expect at all.

Forwarded and receiving replies, us who are scrambling to find out what had exactly happened. To verify the truth of what went on when we were all in school.

This is for the teacher who had never taught me in class, even though she's a Math and recently, a Chemistry teacher.

She was there when we attended camps in school, or when we had major Girl Guide events held at the ZON.

I still remember, that first night out of the many camps I went for, we were all looking at the moon and the stars, listening to Neo's rants while sitting on the mat and chasing away flies and mosquitoes buzzing all over our heads.

She patiently listened and gave her opinions, and I was there.

Last year, at another camp, we were all in Miss Low's Physics Lab to attempt to complete our log books when I was still in the running for Queen's Guide. She was there ranting together with Min Wen, Hazel, Jasmine, Xin Yun, Jia Xin and I about the age old antics of Miss Low. We then shared jokes and riddles together.

I still remember that one riddle she told us. Sharing that one riddle, as lame as it might be, brought laughter and smiles to the people I love.

Also the times when she and the rest of the Chinese teachers would gather in the room between the two Math labs to chit chat and gossip, sometimes we'll butt in and mess around with them.

She also recently married just a few years back, and has two children. I just saw her eldest son last year while we were having this sale thing in school, seeing her taking care of her son with love made me tear up, I was really touched.

What upsets me the most, is those moments are just memories now.

Her children, who hadn't had the chance to spend more quality time with their mummy dearest.

Her husband, who must be devastated by her sudden passing.

Her students, as strict as she looked in class and outside of class, who'll remember the way she taught and how she laughed.

Her Girl Guiders, who all had complained to her about how things were done and ranted at her.

Her colleagues, who'll miss one more companion to talk to, to sit with during assembly, to have meals with in the teachers' canteen.

This is for you teacher.

In memories of the beloved teacher on the left most -
Pn Tee Lee Keng.
May you rest in peace on the other side.

老师,
我们都非常的想您..
您会永远在我的心里..
对不起,
还有非常的感谢您所做给我的..

Oh dear God, please let me pay my last respects to Pn Tee, before the rituals are over..

Looking at the picture hurts so much..it's the only picture I have with her, but it's making me cry so bad..

Off to shower now to cry freely wash the tears away without worrying the 'rents too much.

Do say a prayer for her if you guys see this post okay. And for her family as well.

Bless her soul.


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19:01
The Flowers Won't Mind.

Happy 17th Anna dear.
My ballerina who can play the piano so well and be such a great manager to ShaSha and tickle me when I'm down and listen to me when I'm upset and pick flowers for me when I cry and hug me when I'm stressed out and smiles to make me smile and goes high with me in class when we're sleepy and tired and scribble me notes here and there to show that you care.

Everything in Anna-land reminds me of you at first sight -
Men in Tutus, ballet, grand pianos, violins, MJ, your art, your bottle,
and of course,
flowers of all kinds. (:

Anna, thank you for being such a great friend.
Who is always there for me.
Please be there for me, I need you. For life.
And you can be rest assured I'll be there for you too. *hugs*
Your granny loves you lots. Do bear with me. Heh.

PS: You're older than your granny. :P And sorry I haven't got you your present, your mummy and Guppy and I are yet to get your treble clef glasses. Don't mind a belated pressie I hope. (:


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18:31
Breaking the Bottle.

To be honest, life is so busy-making nowadays, and I know very well that my blog is pretty much dead.

Not to mention my social life online as well.

Homework is still pulling me down, as usual. It's already bad enough that I have horrible time management skills, and that I procrastinate too much. It doesn't help that when I look at a sum, or structure questions from a Science-related subject, I yawn instantaneously. Or, I just plain don't know how to do it.

No seriously, I tried. I really did. I just can't get the answer to anything I'm doing at all.

The impatient streak in me doesn't help me one bit either. I can't just sit down and work at just one thing for ages, unless it's something I'm familiar with or interested in.

Which makes me conclude that I am officially the dumbest person I know right now.

I feel guilty that I can't answer my friends' questions regarding solutions for homework, because I honestly have no idea to do them.

I'm afraid they might think that I'm selfish with my knowledge, since apparently they believe that I'm very smart.

Oh gawd, I appreciate how they look at me in such a great light, but I'm far from that, really.

It makes me feel dumber when a teacher asks the class questions, and I'll just keep quiet while the rest of the class answers - correctly.

I feel stupid, really.

I never felt that I'm particularly good in anything I do.

I used to think that I was good in drawing.
Now that my classes are cancelled and with less practice, I can hardly draw anything reasonably well now.

I used to think that I was good in sports.
I'm slow in running, I can't do high jump nor long jump no more. I feel fat.

I used to think that I can play the piano reasonably well.
Classes are also cancelled for the time being, and I had not touched the keys for like, ages now. This is actually a crime in Anna's book. :(

I used to think that I can speak well in public.
Thanks to her, I lost my self-esteem in not only my way of speech, but everything else. Slowly regaining it back, but there's still a long way to go.

I used to think I had a lot of friends.
Now, I think, especially those who had known me since primary school, HATE me.
I can just feel it.
And I'm most probably going to get another earful for 'thinking too much'.
I'm not. I honestly truly feel it.
Maybe you guys don't realize it.
But I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and I feel that you guys are too good for me to speak out to.
I'm sorry if you're offended.
I'm just ranting and pouring out what's been bottled up for so long.

I feel that I love my friends too much, expecting nothing except simple gestures of acknowledgment.
I hardly feel the love back from most of them.
I feel that I'm always in the wrong.
I would like to feel I'm right once in awhile too.
I feel that I'm nothing compared to you all.
I would like to feel appreciated as well.
I feel like I give in so much in many things.
But some of you are taking too much from me, it breaks me.
I feel like I have to consider the consequences of every action that I do, for fear of hurting you.
But do you try to put your feet in my shoes once in awhile, and consider mine?

Is it worthwhile being the good guy, just to get hurt in the end?
I don't know anymore.
Everybody feels stressed, frustrated, sad, uncared for.

Let me remind all of you.
It doesn't only apply to you guys.

I'm human too.
Can anybody ever understand that simple sentence?

Everyone wants to be loved.
Everyone deserves to be loved.


Not only you, you and you.
Me too.
So please,
stop stepping on my head,
and taking me for granted.
I have my faults,
thanks for generously pointing them out.
You guys have your flaws too.
Don't think that everything you guys do is right,
just because I'm considered nothing to you guys.

There's a limit to everything I'm doing.
I'm still nice,
three strikes and you ain't out yet.
Ten strikes perhaps.
I'll scream at your faces once any one of you crossed the line again.
Which is already too many times.

You decide.
Whether you're guilty or not.
I'm tired.

I don't want another drama to start just because of this.
I have the rights to express how I feel too.

You guys just never fail to forget that I'm just another homosapien.
And sorry, I can't be perfect.

The end.


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09:24
Thursday 18 February 2010
Boys Tryin' Touch My Junk, Junk!

Naomi had been updating so regularly, I thought that I better get started before school reopens once more, and no more time for blogging, again!

By the way, I'm really sorry about what happened to White Boots. It's probably prancing around somewhere in JB. It'll do fine, cats can survive pretty much in the wild by themselves. Don't worry okay Naomi? *hugs*

I'm currently in one of the hostel rooms of HELP Residence, and guess what, this time we got a room on one of the floors for the male boarders. Guys that had seen me walking around this floor had to turn back and look at me for a second time. Poor them. Heh.

The past three days in Melaka had been awesome. Maybe there were the not so awesome parts of it, but yeah, mostly awesome, thank gawd for that.

I still remember that two days ago there were these random Malay dudes in a Kancil who whistled and shouted some disgusting crap at my mumsie and me while we were walking back to the hotel. They got a rude shock when they saw my mum from the front. Looks are deceiving, especially from the back, you know. ;)

A lot of shopping was done, and just to make Jia Ying jealous, I got a lot of new T-shirts. Finally, more tees for tuition! :P

I also got the black fedora that I had been craving for sooo long! I love it to bits. And a new ring that is very Ke$ha-like. I had been inspired from Ke$ha's style lately, even her songs keep on playing in my head when I'm shopping, seriously!

And..I got two new pairs of sandals! One pair is more to the casual side, and another to a more glammed-up side. I seriously can't find nice shoes or shirts in JB, it kills me! And Singapore is not an option, I hardly go there, and I don't have the moolah for it. Boo.

I got a superbly awesome neon green watch too! Don't think I can wear it to school though, it might be considered too fashionable, and the school disallows it. Pffft, I just can't seem to find many loopholes in the school rules this year, they're getting real smart at it.

Which reminds me, all that's left on my shopping list are an I ♥ NY T-shirt, an owl ring (overrated, I know, but I'm currently inspired by Ke$ha, remember?), more anklets and more studs. There will be more, I'm sure of it. ;)

Project 365 is still not updated, and I think Anna might just tickle me to death when the hols are over just because of that. Sorry Anna, I know I promised, but I kind of lost track of my photos and the details of what happened, I have no idea on how to work all that out again. Will try my very best though!

I'm gaining the calories and fats, yeah baby! No regrets though. Need to get those fats burning when school starts. Oh, I guess I'll stay back for practice, IF I can get all of my homework done.

Currently doing my Chemistry PEKA. In KL. Yes, I know. The irony of a vacation. In fact, I brought all of them homework to Melaka and KL, but not one is done. Oh bother.

I'm tempted to go book-shopping later at MidValley.

A more detailed blog post when I'm back in JB!

PS: Gurpreet~~ I'm adding this postscript just for you. Inside joke. xD


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23:25
Sunday 14 February 2010
Brand New Start?

Happy Chinese New Year y'all.

Happy V-Day to everybody out there.

Happy hols to my beloved friends, every single one of them. Though I wonder whether they feel the same way about me.

I'm rather emotional recently, due to a 1001 reasons I cannot simply mention on this very public space of mine. Not like anybody reads this thing any more anyway.

If I type any more, people are going to assume that I'm just thinking too much into things. As if, puhlease.

I know very well how things are working in my head, please and thank you.

Maybe I just need some alone time. As if anyone would bother about me now anyway.

Unstable emotions right now.

Off to Melaka and KL for the next four days. Will only be back on Thursday night most probably.

Don't miss me. I really wish my friends would.


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18:11
Sunday 7 February 2010
AnAzLeoViYuan.

It first started out as an Ecstasy;
But it turned out to be a misery.
And I thought you were my Heroin;
But instead you left me in suffering.
I made a new friend who is named Cocaine;
You gave me a present - it was called pain.
When I came across Ice;
Life was like a dice.
Because of you, I was shunned by society;
The clock's ticking, I'm a dying entity.
In my coffin as I drew my last breath,
I hear the rustles of wings-
here comes Death.

©AnAzLeoViYuan.
Thursday, 4th of February 2010.

PS:
I agree with you, Anna.
I'm glad we went first.
(:


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18:06
Stayin' Alive.

300th post. :]

What's up with me for the last two weeks:
  1. Of course, I'm dying from the workload.
  2. My room is in such a mess, I don't know how can I clear it all up before Chinese New Year Eve. I might have to do it on that day itself. :/
  3. I saw my tuition teacher who taught me Science when I was in Form 3. I'm so touched that she still remembers me! She's still pretty, as usual. I miss her classes. :(
  4. A lot of colouring and drawing had been done to destress, with the friends of course.
  5. Laughing and talking nonsensical nonsense with Anna, Azri and Salmi makes those really tiring and depressing days a whole lot better. (:
  6. I'm deprived from Jia Ying's God-like hands in massaging me, since we're all so busy and tired.
  7. Guppy and I had this random addiction to this sign - '~'. This needs to be verbal to be funny. Inside joke I guess. xD
  8. Guppy and I really love to pet Jia Ying's bangs. She's getting them trimmed though, but oh well, hopefully they still have that same feel. Heh.
  9. Khai is soo nice, as usual. She came early, and reserved four places for Pei Ling and me for Chemistry earlier. Inside story. Oh gawd, what can you do without Khai. :]
  10. And there was the tudung which dropped into the jamban issue. Oh goodness.
  11. It was nice to hang out with Gup and Izz on Friday. Met Siow too. It was like a mini SKST'05 gathering. Gup and Izz are very entertaining. Seriously. The way they talk - is priceless. ;D
  12. Rohaini tuition was fun, with Sharlyn and Jeanette. There was this addiction of a game called TapTap? LOL. No sweet supply and a shoulder to lean on for one lesson though. Rica!
  13. Aina really looks like Zee Avi. Sue, I get your point now.
  14. Stepho's curls are really nice this time.
  15. And I'm still jealous of Narishma's piercing.
  16. I secretly want to be a cheerleader. Muahahahahahah!
  17. The only sport I have a chance to excel in? Running. I have seriously no affinity with any other sport. I hurt my back because of high jump. May knows. :(
  18. I want a manicure and a pedicure.
  19. I can't wait to go to Melaka and KL this coming hols. Awesome food in both places. Peaceful Melaka, and familiar KL. Oh yeah, and Abang Rosman's spaghetti!!
  20. A more detailed update soon, I hope.
Pray for my survival, please!!


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Hello there! You must have guessed by now – this is Leonie here, and I have no intention of boring you out with a long introduction of yours truly.

I have to admit though – I’m quite an interesting individual; those who know me can confirm that, and those who don’t…I don’t mean to brag, but you’re definitely missing out!

Feel free to click here to get to know me a little bit better! No worries, I’m very friendly and I won’t bite!

Meanwhile,
enjoy reading the Fool in Frames!