0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

Random list of things I accidently discovered.

Note: The following blog entry is only in the blogger's view of whatever-topic-that's-mentioned. I may be highlighting certain common issues that may apply to you, the reader, but trust me, I have no intention of offending you in any way. I can't please the whole world anyway, so think whatever you like then, but I'm not responsible for the anger you repossessed for reading.

I realized..

1. That there's so many girls out there much more older than me who has random blog entries that most of the time, goes like this:

"..today i went shopping with my bestest buds of d world, (name), (nickname), (atrociously gross nickname), etc. so nice la! firstly we went shopping at (random famous clothes brands stores - Roxy, Billabong, etc.). I got this chic top/skirt/shoes/etc. in (shade of colour). (name) got (item), (nickname) got (item) and (item), and (atrociously gross nickname) got (more items, following the details like colour, quality, coolness, prettiness, pictures, etc.). den we went to (fastfood restaurants/bubbletea shops) and we got a break after shopping so much. i got (insert flavour/type of food), (name) got (drink), (nickname) got (food), (ags) had (food/fries), (followed by pictures of them camwhoring with their food, trying to act cute, etc. but they end up looking tacky instead). den more shopping! yay!.."

To cut their very naggy story short, they'll take some clothes, kononnya want to try them, but then enter an empty cubicle and start to camwhore with more of those act cute poses, which they'll edit later with photoshop and add very 'cool' captions which bore me to goodness sake knows where. Then they will bump into more friends, most of the times from different schools, and the whole enchilada starts again. Very creative of them. 75% of their entries are almost the same or practically, the same topics. You should have a look at their profiles too.

Fact : What's with the thing with placing your month of birth, then adding the word baby at the back of it? Example : 'September baby', 'January baby', 'November baby'. I randomly asked my bro why the heck do they have to type all this crappy girly shit, and he just plainly answered, "Cos they're still babies what." Alrighty. Why didn't I think of that. Hahahahahahaha.

Questions(?) : Should be thinking by now why I even bother to read their blogs right, somemore still doing some hell of a complaining like some bored old ah lian who gossips 24/7? I do believe in one of the tactics mentioned in Sun Tzi's Art of War, one of it says, "To defeat the enemy, you should understand them to know their strengths and weaknesses." Or something like that. But hell yeah, I really do abide by that law till now.

I realized..

2. That I can't please the whole world. Too tiring, and just too hard to fulfil. Time to please my ownself first.

I realized..

3. That I shouldn't care the fluck© of what people think of me. I'm just trying to be myself, not trying to be a damn old clone of these people that's starting to drain me of my creative juices.

I realized..

4. It's totally fine if I don't have any real friends to confide in. Shun me off, leave me out, insult me, I DON"T CARE. Friends come and go, I can always make new friends. If that doesn't happen, I'll go solo.

I realized..

5. I need some flucking© motivation to help me succeed.

I realized..

6. I may crave for attention, but I don't crave for the fake smiles and so-called trust some people give to me.

I realized..

7. I need to get a life.

Copyright : The following word, fluck© is under the copyright of the Overdresser and I have no idea whether I'm allowed the usage of this holy canoly word that lets me say the 'f' word in a different creative way, so my humblest apologies if I had misuse the copyright of this word.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

Yes yes, here is the update which some of you were constantly craving on. Haha.

I'm in a major case of mood swings. One minute I'm a happy, don't care about the troubles of life student, another minute I'm all moody, unable to smile, think positive thoughts, and go all freakingly negative in my head. And all of you people wonder why the hell I have countless white hair growing from the scalp of my head.

You guys will never know. How left out I feel, not only in school among my 'peers', but same old same old occurs at home too. It really seems that nobody ever wants to listen to my opinions and pay any attention to me. Am I invisible to you people or what? Or secretly in your heads you think I'm basically a very plain uncool and don't deserve to hang with you guys (for my friends in school, though I'm reconsidering whether the term 'friends' seem apropriate at all) and I'm a lazy unhappy girl who can never be the family girl and is always portrayed as the black sheep of the family? And to be honest, I had thought of whether I was an adopted kid or if my parents brought the wrong baby home, cos I'm a totally different person from my family. Then again, everybody says I look like my mum and have the same smile as my bro and have the same temper as my dad, so..Cross that one out for the time being. And to think of it, people that I hate in school or anywhere has me starting to behave like them slightly, whether it's a minor habit or the way they talk. The word 'mean' came from a certain prefect, 'the world is against me' came from my former primary school classmate. What in the world is happening to me. I have seriously no idea at all. No idea.

I am always thinking of what to do with my life. I constanly push myself to be the perfect little daughter with the perfect grades and achievements with a gang of great and could be trusted friends. Yes yes, I hear some of you saying that nobody's perfect in this world, but yes, I can't and won't listen. I pressure myself to excel in different fields of work and hobbies, just to find some hidden talent or anything that could make me stand out from everyone else. It just makes me feel inferior to people who don't have to do anything special and they just naturally get noticed by people. This is one part of my horoscope which I believe in and it still affects me. People born under the star sign of Taurus are attention-craving people, who needs people noticing them all the time. May not apply to some people, but hell yeah does it ever apply all it's magical properties to me.

I keep on placing this thought in my head that I could never fit in with anybody. I can never keep up with the latest news. I can never, NEVER get myself to act like myself in front of other people. I can split my personality into how may pieces as I like. In front of schoolmates, in front of my family, in front of my music peers, in front of people I meet in shopping complexes, in front of the mirror in my room at home. Think I'm mad or whatever, I have the habit of talking to myself in front of the mirror. I also talk to inanimate objects at home just to keep myself company. I find myself the best company I could have ever known. Cos only my reflection knows all that itty bitty weeny details going on in my head, my life, my status in this world, in this form, in this voice. Yes, to think I keep on going on and on about Fathini talking to herself, but yeah, this is me.

Actually, I'm really proud of myself. I did so many things that only I, and I will know in this lifetime as me, Kuala Lumpur. And never will I reveal anymore personal matters to anybody. Cos I just realized that actually, in the end..








I could only trust myself.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

According to the title above, yes, that's the sub-topic for today. The fact that I broke my hiatus.

Cool. Haha.

Anyway, can't really blog much cos I still need to catch up on my 'reading' for next week's exams. Just that I'll make my points short, sweet and simple. Though i I DO have the mood to define and do more explaining, that will be next Tuesday night most probably.

First off I really wanna thank my dad so the freaking much for giving me so much support during this hard time. I admit that I cried real hard after my KH exam on Tuesday, so convinced I was not gonna get real high marks for it and I'm really failing it. (FYI, my definition of the word 'fail' is getting a B and below). The moment my dad came home he knew something was wrong and I was trying to lied my way out, saying I'm totally fine and that I'm just tired. He JUST KNEW. He asked about my paper that day and wham. I burst into tears once more. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried. A lot. He adviced me loads and told me I didn't have to necessarily do this to myself, I can be perfectly normal and enjoy life instead of competing with the whole class for top spots and straight As'. That was it. I just had to relax. Mum was putting on a don't care attitude and was trying to tell me off but I knew she cared, or she wouldn't have called my dad to come home earlier and keep me company.

I'm real sorry to make my parents worried and I know what to do now. Guys, your parents may just keep on nagging at you to do well and be the best and all, but it's all for your own good. Pardon me for being naggy, but do appreciate your parents. They just want to bring the best out from you. And never say you hate them. That's a sin after they did so much to bring us up.

*holds tears back*

You guys can actually go celebrate cos all of you are losing a competitor for grades in the class. XD

And, next top news. I'm going to shift to morning session next year. And be stripped off my secretary post. Whatever already. I'll get something better in the morning. I hope. And my fellow AJK Tertinggi friends, let's get our beautiful certs from Cik Norazian. Or at least a prefect teacher. I'm mean. Hehe.

Yes, I do have something for a certain Angelline here, if she happens to stumble into this hidden blog of mine. Haha. Can you please stop sending me messages in Friendster asking me to vote for you in those silly competitions? And the organizer doesn't even know how to spell the word 'perfect'. I was having a look at what the goodness sakeness was this Totally Spies competition all about and the categories made me wanna puke all over the computer screen. Want some examples?

1. 'Prefect Spy' (They were trying to spell perfect I guess. Ugh. I can't stand people with bad spelling.)

2. 'Big Eye Spy' (Why you wanna compare in this aspect? All of us have different DNA and this is just plain..STUPID.)

3. 'Pretty Spy' (I. Give. Up.)

Geesh. It's all about vanity and comparing who's prettier, cuter, smarter, cooler, yada yada yada. People, we are all different. Which makes all of us special and different from one another. You don't have to compete in these kind of wuliao and nothing better to do competitions. Whoever that loses will suffer from a problem called emotional trauma about your looks, face shape, weight, etc. So my sincere and humble advice to Friendster users, DO NOT VOTE FOR THESE COMPETITIONS. Just leave it as it is, since we're way much more busier then these too free people.

Time to log off and sign out. Will be back with new updates (and a new blogskin I hope) next week.

Adious.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

                                                   

It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

Random list of things I accidently discovered.

Note: The following blog entry is only in the blogger's view of whatever-topic-that's-mentioned. I may be highlighting certain common issues that may apply to you, the reader, but trust me, I have no intention of offending you in any way. I can't please the whole world anyway, so think whatever you like then, but I'm not responsible for the anger you repossessed for reading.

I realized..

1. That there's so many girls out there much more older than me who has random blog entries that most of the time, goes like this:

"..today i went shopping with my bestest buds of d world, (name), (nickname), (atrociously gross nickname), etc. so nice la! firstly we went shopping at (random famous clothes brands stores - Roxy, Billabong, etc.). I got this chic top/skirt/shoes/etc. in (shade of colour). (name) got (item), (nickname) got (item) and (item), and (atrociously gross nickname) got (more items, following the details like colour, quality, coolness, prettiness, pictures, etc.). den we went to (fastfood restaurants/bubbletea shops) and we got a break after shopping so much. i got (insert flavour/type of food), (name) got (drink), (nickname) got (food), (ags) had (food/fries), (followed by pictures of them camwhoring with their food, trying to act cute, etc. but they end up looking tacky instead). den more shopping! yay!.."

To cut their very naggy story short, they'll take some clothes, kononnya want to try them, but then enter an empty cubicle and start to camwhore with more of those act cute poses, which they'll edit later with photoshop and add very 'cool' captions which bore me to goodness sake knows where. Then they will bump into more friends, most of the times from different schools, and the whole enchilada starts again. Very creative of them. 75% of their entries are almost the same or practically, the same topics. You should have a look at their profiles too.

Fact : What's with the thing with placing your month of birth, then adding the word baby at the back of it? Example : 'September baby', 'January baby', 'November baby'. I randomly asked my bro why the heck do they have to type all this crappy girly shit, and he just plainly answered, "Cos they're still babies what." Alrighty. Why didn't I think of that. Hahahahahahaha.

Questions(?) : Should be thinking by now why I even bother to read their blogs right, somemore still doing some hell of a complaining like some bored old ah lian who gossips 24/7? I do believe in one of the tactics mentioned in Sun Tzi's Art of War, one of it says, "To defeat the enemy, you should understand them to know their strengths and weaknesses." Or something like that. But hell yeah, I really do abide by that law till now.

I realized..

2. That I can't please the whole world. Too tiring, and just too hard to fulfil. Time to please my ownself first.

I realized..

3. That I shouldn't care the fluck© of what people think of me. I'm just trying to be myself, not trying to be a damn old clone of these people that's starting to drain me of my creative juices.

I realized..

4. It's totally fine if I don't have any real friends to confide in. Shun me off, leave me out, insult me, I DON"T CARE. Friends come and go, I can always make new friends. If that doesn't happen, I'll go solo.

I realized..

5. I need some flucking© motivation to help me succeed.

I realized..

6. I may crave for attention, but I don't crave for the fake smiles and so-called trust some people give to me.

I realized..

7. I need to get a life.

Copyright : The following word, fluck© is under the copyright of the Overdresser and I have no idea whether I'm allowed the usage of this holy canoly word that lets me say the 'f' word in a different creative way, so my humblest apologies if I had misuse the copyright of this word.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

Yes yes, here is the update which some of you were constantly craving on. Haha.

I'm in a major case of mood swings. One minute I'm a happy, don't care about the troubles of life student, another minute I'm all moody, unable to smile, think positive thoughts, and go all freakingly negative in my head. And all of you people wonder why the hell I have countless white hair growing from the scalp of my head.

You guys will never know. How left out I feel, not only in school among my 'peers', but same old same old occurs at home too. It really seems that nobody ever wants to listen to my opinions and pay any attention to me. Am I invisible to you people or what? Or secretly in your heads you think I'm basically a very plain uncool and don't deserve to hang with you guys (for my friends in school, though I'm reconsidering whether the term 'friends' seem apropriate at all) and I'm a lazy unhappy girl who can never be the family girl and is always portrayed as the black sheep of the family? And to be honest, I had thought of whether I was an adopted kid or if my parents brought the wrong baby home, cos I'm a totally different person from my family. Then again, everybody says I look like my mum and have the same smile as my bro and have the same temper as my dad, so..Cross that one out for the time being. And to think of it, people that I hate in school or anywhere has me starting to behave like them slightly, whether it's a minor habit or the way they talk. The word 'mean' came from a certain prefect, 'the world is against me' came from my former primary school classmate. What in the world is happening to me. I have seriously no idea at all. No idea.

I am always thinking of what to do with my life. I constanly push myself to be the perfect little daughter with the perfect grades and achievements with a gang of great and could be trusted friends. Yes yes, I hear some of you saying that nobody's perfect in this world, but yes, I can't and won't listen. I pressure myself to excel in different fields of work and hobbies, just to find some hidden talent or anything that could make me stand out from everyone else. It just makes me feel inferior to people who don't have to do anything special and they just naturally get noticed by people. This is one part of my horoscope which I believe in and it still affects me. People born under the star sign of Taurus are attention-craving people, who needs people noticing them all the time. May not apply to some people, but hell yeah does it ever apply all it's magical properties to me.

I keep on placing this thought in my head that I could never fit in with anybody. I can never keep up with the latest news. I can never, NEVER get myself to act like myself in front of other people. I can split my personality into how may pieces as I like. In front of schoolmates, in front of my family, in front of my music peers, in front of people I meet in shopping complexes, in front of the mirror in my room at home. Think I'm mad or whatever, I have the habit of talking to myself in front of the mirror. I also talk to inanimate objects at home just to keep myself company. I find myself the best company I could have ever known. Cos only my reflection knows all that itty bitty weeny details going on in my head, my life, my status in this world, in this form, in this voice. Yes, to think I keep on going on and on about Fathini talking to herself, but yeah, this is me.

Actually, I'm really proud of myself. I did so many things that only I, and I will know in this lifetime as me, Kuala Lumpur. And never will I reveal anymore personal matters to anybody. Cos I just realized that actually, in the end..








I could only trust myself.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

According to the title above, yes, that's the sub-topic for today. The fact that I broke my hiatus.

Cool. Haha.

Anyway, can't really blog much cos I still need to catch up on my 'reading' for next week's exams. Just that I'll make my points short, sweet and simple. Though i I DO have the mood to define and do more explaining, that will be next Tuesday night most probably.

First off I really wanna thank my dad so the freaking much for giving me so much support during this hard time. I admit that I cried real hard after my KH exam on Tuesday, so convinced I was not gonna get real high marks for it and I'm really failing it. (FYI, my definition of the word 'fail' is getting a B and below). The moment my dad came home he knew something was wrong and I was trying to lied my way out, saying I'm totally fine and that I'm just tired. He JUST KNEW. He asked about my paper that day and wham. I burst into tears once more. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried. A lot. He adviced me loads and told me I didn't have to necessarily do this to myself, I can be perfectly normal and enjoy life instead of competing with the whole class for top spots and straight As'. That was it. I just had to relax. Mum was putting on a don't care attitude and was trying to tell me off but I knew she cared, or she wouldn't have called my dad to come home earlier and keep me company.

I'm real sorry to make my parents worried and I know what to do now. Guys, your parents may just keep on nagging at you to do well and be the best and all, but it's all for your own good. Pardon me for being naggy, but do appreciate your parents. They just want to bring the best out from you. And never say you hate them. That's a sin after they did so much to bring us up.

*holds tears back*

You guys can actually go celebrate cos all of you are losing a competitor for grades in the class. XD

And, next top news. I'm going to shift to morning session next year. And be stripped off my secretary post. Whatever already. I'll get something better in the morning. I hope. And my fellow AJK Tertinggi friends, let's get our beautiful certs from Cik Norazian. Or at least a prefect teacher. I'm mean. Hehe.

Yes, I do have something for a certain Angelline here, if she happens to stumble into this hidden blog of mine. Haha. Can you please stop sending me messages in Friendster asking me to vote for you in those silly competitions? And the organizer doesn't even know how to spell the word 'perfect'. I was having a look at what the goodness sakeness was this Totally Spies competition all about and the categories made me wanna puke all over the computer screen. Want some examples?

1. 'Prefect Spy' (They were trying to spell perfect I guess. Ugh. I can't stand people with bad spelling.)

2. 'Big Eye Spy' (Why you wanna compare in this aspect? All of us have different DNA and this is just plain..STUPID.)

3. 'Pretty Spy' (I. Give. Up.)

Geesh. It's all about vanity and comparing who's prettier, cuter, smarter, cooler, yada yada yada. People, we are all different. Which makes all of us special and different from one another. You don't have to compete in these kind of wuliao and nothing better to do competitions. Whoever that loses will suffer from a problem called emotional trauma about your looks, face shape, weight, etc. So my sincere and humble advice to Friendster users, DO NOT VOTE FOR THESE COMPETITIONS. Just leave it as it is, since we're way much more busier then these too free people.

Time to log off and sign out. Will be back with new updates (and a new blogskin I hope) next week.

Adious.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment