It's been more than a year now.
She thought she lost you,
for good.

That night before she left,
she was reassured once more;
you still care.

"She longs to be in your arms."

She feels insecure,
she feels naked.
The pure thought of it;
sends her shivering.

She feels cold -
so cold.

To feel warmth again -
will save her.
-Embrace, ©if-winter-ends.-

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Michael Jackson.
29th August 1958 - 25th June 2009.
I personally cannot believe it's already a year since you left us.
Your death still feels recent to me.

But not to worry,
you live on in our hearts.

Watching your epic Copenhagen concert,
just thrills me.
Seeing your steps,
hearing your voice.

MJ,
you're always missed.

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I'm now coming out,
to everybody who knows me.
This is the real me.
-Looking for myself, ©Jojonel.-
I myself did not expect a Part II of this entry. But here I am, to explain my perspective of being a bisexual.

This entry is for a friend whom I still regard as friend, one that I respect because of his fantastic art skills. One that is eccentric is his own special way. One that is a unique individual who is who he is today, because of his uniqueness.

And a friend he may no longer be, because he hates bisexuals. His words.

And ouch, they hurt.

His words actually hurt me because I love him as a friend. His opinion does matter to me, in a way.

So, it's a choice between me losing my identity and losing a dear friend.

Before I decide on anything, hear me out.

The scientific and religious theory of why God created Man and Woman. One of the reasons is to ensure that humans do not extinct. Hence said friend's 'hole and stick theory'. With bisexuality, infertility among humans occur.

Okay, first up, not all humans are bisexuals. I can safely say, the majority of us human beings living on Earth are heterosexuals. There's definitely low chances of human beings facing extinction, because there are the majority of heterosexuals that help to ensure the existence of the future generations. We have so many cases of abandoned babies. In my opinion, I actually think we're facing overpopulation right now.

Secondly, I'm aware that my choice in being a bisexual might be against Nature. Against God. Against the laws of life. But being a bisexual does not mean I'll be in a sexual relationship with people of the same sex. At this age, when I say that I'm a bisexual, it's more to 'mutual attraction to both sexes'. Who knows, I might be a lesbian when I'm older? Or I might just grow out of being a bisexual. So many people at this age of being teenagers or young adults are confused or unsure of their sexuality. At least I know I'm quite sure. For the time being.

Thirdly, I'm not influencing other people to be bisexuals. I'm not encouraging same-gender sex at all. I never said that. So, if I have to sin, at least I knew I sinned being myself. I'm not forcing other people to sin. I chose to sin, by choosing to be myself. If I have to go to Hell for this, by all means. Even if this choice of being a bisexual is a mistake, all humans make mistakes. This is a phase in my life. I'm not forcing people to go through this similar phase. Like I said before, this revolves around choices. I made my choice, other people are free to make theirs.

Fourthly, being a bisexual does not make me any different from you, you and you. Only my sexual preferences differ slightly. I eat, I sleep, I go to school, I make friends, I study. I like music, I like books, I like the arts. I love photography, I love fashion. Being a bisexual does not affect my everyday life with my family and friends. Sure, only my brother knows I'm bi in my entire family. And not all of my friends know. But hey, I still live life like a normal teen.

Therefore, here are my reasons.

Friend, I know you're a devout Christian. And I'm aware that bisexuality is against God's teachings, God's words, God's creations. I attend my school's Christian Fellowship, even though I'm not a Christian. I like to learn about other religions, not only Buddhism. In fact, I think I'm more learned in Christianity and Islam than my own religion.

So, maybe you want to save me from sinning any further. I understand your good intentions. I'm thankful for your concern.

But friend, if you really cannot accept me for who I am, I'll respect your decision in not being friends with me anymore.

I'm sorry if that happens, really.

But I cannot please everybody, I cannot change myself according to what people expect of me.

I apologise, friend.

★☮♥
And to my classmates, just a friendly reminder.

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I would like to rant about my procrastinated and never-ending homework, the extremely long school hours, etc., but that would most probably bore you to death.

Besides, I think a lot of my friends are sick and tired of listening to me rant and dealing with my panic attacks and paranoia over my undone homework.

Seriously, I’m not even like that regarding my grades. Call me a goody-two-shoes, call me a nerd. But I know, it’s somehow odd.

★☮♥
I nearly left my phone in Omega earlier. I am really grateful to the guy who handed my phone to Mr. Kung. Thank you tuition mate. (:

Lucky for me, Sathiya and Ranjeeththa were the ones to inform me about my phone. It totally freaked me out for awhile. Major thanks to them as well. ;)

★☮♥
My blog is an A+ blog according to Shera. Thanks. (:

★☮♥
In any case, I am now hooked to these two television serials.

Glee.
I'm officially a Gleek!
Took me just one episode to convert.
I didn't hate it,
I just did not understand what the hype was about.
Well, now I do.
;D

How I Met Your Mother.
My brother had been insisting me to watch this since..
last year I think?
He transferred Season 1 to 5 to the desktop recently.
I happened to be really bored one day,
so I watched the first episode of Season 1,
and now I get why he was so insistent.
I have yet to thank him for introducing this to me.
:]

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-Pride, ©synthesis.-
I never thought I would be facing..utter stupidity and negativity from homophobes the moment I’m open about me being a bisexual who likes girls more.

And yes, it finally did. Great.

An ex-boyfriend of one month was shocked when he found out I was bi. And that was before I explained to him the difference of being a bisexual and a gay/lesbian. He actually thought I was a lesbian.

After that commotion, he went around announcing to the whole world on his MSN status,

"OMG~~~my ex is a BI!!!"
And yes, in those exact words.

Hello, is it that much of a shock to you? Proves how much you had been living in a shell all this while.

You don’t even know the difference between a bisexual and a gay/lesbian. How can you judge someone without knowing the facts in the first place?

And so what if I’m a bisexual? You don’t have to keep rubbing it in the wrong way. Calling me not by my name, but bi? What do you think I am?

I am really sick of such..dense people who don't even know the difference between a bisexual and a gay/lesbian.

There's a difference, but still, gays, lesbians and bisexuals around the world are still being discriminated for being different.

Therefore, as a proud bisexual, I dare say,

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My ears bled most of the time, and I cringed a lot over some of the performances and how the MCs spoke. But I survived, thankfully.

Day started off pretty badly. Got over that when Khai and Shantini arrived.

It didn't take us long to find the place, as Shan had been there before apparently. Yes, I had never been there, not even to TGIF's. Now laugh.

Shan used common sense to follow some peers up the stairs, and lo and behold! We had a whole crowd of crazy loud teens waiting to enter.

Had some communication problems at the stairs, but I think that's settled. I think.

Chloe was one busy human! Seriously, I think it had been ages since I last saw her, she looked really different somehow! Of course, in a good way. ;)

Khai, Shan and I eventually made our way to some random seats at the back, since there wasn't enough seats. Right. We were stuck with the very loud fans of the band One Chapter. That would be Amira Aisya's brother's band by the way. Saw the former, which was quite a relief to me. It's always nice seeing familiar faces okay!

Also saw a couple of juniors, so I didn't felt like some alien in a crowd of mostly unknown people. For your information, my social circle isn't that wide.

There was this opening dance, which most of the guys went crazy over. Duh, two girls with very short shorts and loose tops dancing. What else can you expect?

Most of the bands were okay actually, if they had more practice.

Overall, the all-Malay bands had better showmanship, surprisingly. Pap Pap was really awesome, but they didn't even get an award. It's a shame for them.

There was one band, I think their name was Sky Blue? They performed Get Back by Demi Lovato, in which everything else was awesome..except for the vocals. I feel sorry for the vocalist, she was most probably so nervous, it didn't turned out so well.

There was also this instrumental band that performed Jerry C's Canon Rock. I actually thought they weren't too shabby, but yes, the judges were right in the point that there were too many electric guitars. I'm not going to speak any further 'cos I can't play guitar, I don't really have much right to comment.

Not forgetting the youngest drummer who was only eleven years old, I kid you not! She can actually keep the beat going! Girl power baybeeeh!

Yes, we even had some Metallica in the list. What else to expect when Alvin Sanjay and Gurdave are in the house?

The beatboxer was really cool! I just found out he's Melissa's cousin! Also the performance of Umbrella, I absolutely ah-dored how the keyboardist played.

One of the judges also performed on the drums and this other guy on the guitars. They are professional, so they didn't disappoint.

Summing up, and all in my humble opinion(s),

Most Overplayed Song(s):
Bad Romance by Lady GaGa.
21 Guns by Green Day.
Revolusi by Bunkface.

Most Outstanding Showmanship:
Pap Pap.

Best on Guitars:
Alvin Sanjay in the second band he performed with.
Remember how the MC went,
"How did you do that?
Playing the guitar on your back?
Isn't it heavy?"
LOL much.

Most Epic Moment(s):
1. When the vocalist of One Chapter had the battery from his mike flying out in mid-performance.
2. When Izz said he forgotten his lyrics - on stage.
(Why man, why?!)

Best Vocals:
The vocalist from Remedy for the Cure.
I enjoyed hearing him sing!

Absolutely Cringe-Worthy:
The MCs actually committed these two major errors,
which I really cannot forgive.
One of them said "Got Back by Demi Lovato."
Another said "I Don't Love You by My Chemical Love."
Next time, they better get their facts right before they let these slip out of their tongues.
Especially during a band competition.

And of course,

Best Company for the Day:
Khai and Shan! (:
In any case, to the members of United Stupidity,
I'm sure you all did your best.
And I'm proud of that.
(:

Detecting more familiar faces,
Najwa Hanee and Veena! ;)

I also saw Christina and Mindy!
Took a picture with Mindy, but she haven't uploaded it yet.
I absolutely heart these two people.
And hell, I miss them!

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The Runaways.
I was interested in watching this movie,
but I never got to it.

What motivated me again?

I just found out that Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning will kiss in the movie.

Oops.
My bad.
:]

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Hello readers, it’s now a Monday morning!

I am trying to keep myself motivated to complete the massive workload my school has successfully dumped on us fifth formers!

I have ten subjects’ worth of homework, inclusive of the ones I then conveniently procrastinated as it was the exam season!

I am now officially screwed on my way of becoming a psycho nerdy freak, staying at home and forced to revise for the incoming SPM Trials and SPM itself!

Must stay obnoxiously happy happy happy!

Pardon the exclamation marks, dear readers! I am ending my sentences in this entry with exclamation marks because according to Wikipedia,

An exclamation mark or exclamation point (!) is a punctuation mark usually used after an interjection or exclamation to indicate strong feelings or high volume, and often marks the end of a sentence.

Therefore readers, this is to prove that I am very excited to complete my massive workload!

Also not forgetting my conveniently procrastinated assignments from tuition as well! I pity my tuition teachers for having to bear with a student like me!

Hence, I am now going to end this entry, hoping that I had successfully fooled you readers that I am indeed very happy about this massive workload!

“Somebody kill me.”

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Got this from a Tumblr I followed. Link's here.

Cross Out What You've Done.

Graduated High School.

Kissed someone.

Smoked cigarettes.

Got so drunk you passed out.

Rode every ride at an amusement park.

Collected something really stupid.

Gone to a rock concert.

Helped someone.

Gone fishing.

Watched four movies in one night.

Gone long periods of time without sleep.

Lied to someone.

Snorted cocaine.

Failed a class.

Smoked weed.

Dealt drugs.

Taken a college level course.

Been in a car accident.

Been in a tornado.

Done hard drugs.
(i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid.)

Watched someone die.

Been to a funeral.

Burned yourself.

Ran a marathon.

Your parents got divorced.

Cried yourself to sleep.

Spent over £200 in one day.

Flown on a plane.

Cheated on someone.

Been cheated on.

Written a 10 page letter.

Gone skiing.

Been sailing.

Cut yourself.

Had a best friend.

Lost someone you loved.

Shoplifted something.

Been to jail.

Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.

Dangerously close to being in jail.

Had detention.

Skipped school.

Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.

Stolen books from the library.

Gone to a different country.

Dropped out of school.

Been in a mental hospital.

Had an online diary.

Fired a gun.

Gambled in a casino.

Had a yard sale.

Had a lemonade stand.

Actually made money at the lemonade stand.

Been in a school play.

Been fired from a job.

Taken a lie detector test.

Swam with dolphins.

Gone to Sea World.

Voted for someone on a reality TV show.

Written poetry.

Read more than 20 books a year.

Gone to Europe.

Loved someone you couldn’t have.

Wondered about your sexuality.

Used a coloring book over age 12.

Had surgery.

Had stitches.

Taken a taxi.

Seen the Washington Monument.

Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.

Overdosed.

Had a drug or alcohol problem.

Been in a fist fight.

Suffered any form of abuse.

Had a hamster.

Pet a wild animal.

Used a credit card.

Gone surfing in California.

Did “spirit day” at school.

Dyed your hair.

Got a tattoo.

Had something pierced.

Got straight A’s.

Been on the Honor Roll.

Known someone with HIV or AIDS.

Taken pictures with a webcam.

Started a fire.

Got caught having a party while parents were away.

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"...photography and fashion."
-For the love of..., ©MsPixie.-

I think if you really know me very well, you would most definitely know that photography and fashion are two things I'm really passionate about. And no, I'm not exaggerating.

It would be nice if I can make a career out of my two passions, seriously.

On Thursday morning, while going through the photographs for Anna's sister, Kak Sophie's graduation show with May, I was going on and on about how I would really love to do something like that after SPM 2010.

And both Anna and May, are telling me that I'll do well in the fashion industry.

I still remember that time last year when we went to watch New Moon together, May was telling me that I should go for it. I can make it in the fashion industry, in fashion journalism.

And Anna, she really knows how much I love fashion and photography.

There was once, she brought back a copy of Catalog magazine for me. I was spazzing for days.

There's always updates about Kak Sophie's progress as a Fashion Merchandising and Marketing student at NAFA, and also her plans after graduating.

Without fail, she'll be the one talking to me about fashion and photography when I really need someone who is updated in these two interests of mine, and is actually interested enough to continue the conversation with me.

Plans for photography sessions and art-appreciating trips are on the way. Can't wait. Seriously.

And Anna oh Anna, really believes I can do well as a fashion journalist. Seriously, she believes in it even more than I do.

I was even given the proper course name by Anna, since I never had an idea what was the name anyway.

Anna told me about the LASALLE College of the Arts in Singapore, which offers said course. It so happens that mumsie had also told me about such a college in Singapore.

I looked up the information for Fashion Communication at LASALLE,
click here if you're interested to know what it's about.

Anna volunteered to make a trip there with me after SPM to check out the facilities and stuff. If things go well, seeing as it is a private college and the course is bound to cost loads of moolah, I might work for it while doing my A-Levels.

For now, I need all the motivation I can get to survive SPM this year.

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"To decide on matters,
whether grave or small,
can change the entire outcome.
-simpliest choice?, ©seddensky.-

And yes, I'm am still undecided about what course I'm going to take up after this.

I had been told that if I make my interests or hobbies my career in the future, I'll come to hate them because of the pressure of the job, the workload and such.

I won't deny such a possibility, as discouraging as it may sound.

And I know my mumsie is very skeptical about my career choices. I admit, I agree with the things she said about them. The industry is tough, it's not easy to get a stable income, it's not even easy to land a good position, the likes.

Also, there's this particular belief in Asian countries about how we kids should be taking up careers that are sure to give us, our parents and our families a comfortable life. Being a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer is sure to get the nod of approval for most Asians, especially those who are die-hard traditionalists. This is slowly dying down, but unfortunately, this barrier still exists.

There's also the thing about how careers in the creative field are unrealistic. In the end, it's all about how much you'll earn in the future, and about being the boss of your own firm/company.

I hate all of these issues so damn much. You have no idea how much I really abhor these problems.

Thankfully, my parents are not forcing me to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer. These three options, are definitely a no-no for me. I blame the ever increasing number of people taking on these careers. And to be honest, I have no interest in them. Nil. Zilch. Nada.

According to my dad, I am free to choose whatever course I want in the future.

My mum also sings the same tune, but seriously, it's only 10% of the time when this is brought up during talks and discussions about my future. She'll disagree with this, discourage me from doing that..

I know it's for my own good, but..sigh. I don't know.

My parents are quite determined for me to study A-Levels at Sunway College JB next year. I'm taking the latest intake possible, probably June or July. At least my parents are giving me ample time to rot and experience life as a high school graduate.

So I guess that's one year plus to really decide on my career path.

Meanwhile, I'll just daydream about me working in the creative line and attempt to actually do well for SPM 2010.

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-Rainbow Hearts Love, ©Candiella.-

She went in to McDonald's to order a takeaway for lunch.

A friendly guy came to take her order.
"Good afternoon miss, how may I help you?"

"Enthusiastic much?" she thought.
Nevertheless, she went on with her order.

"Are you sure you don't want the set, miss?
The prices don't really differ that much."
he said, throwing more smiles at her.

"No thank you."
she smiled back, impressed with his friendliness.

As she waits for her order to be done,
the rest of the crew were joking around,
having fun as they worked their shift.

"We're the best team you had ever seen!"
said the crew leader with his cheeky grin,
to the manager that sighed while trying to hide her smile.

She couldn't help but giggle at their antics.

He looked back at her,
and smiled when he saw her smiling at his crew members' madness.

As she waits,
he keeps glancing at her;
smiling every time he made eye contact with her.

She smiled back every time,
as a polite gesture.
In her mind she was thinking,
"Is he actually flirting with me?"
She dismissed that thought right away though,
unconvinced of such a possibility.

Order up.
"Here's your order miss!"

"Thank you!"
she replied.

"Do enjoy your meal,
and come back another time!"
he added with a wide smile.

She just smiled back,
as she walked away.

"Eh, you interested in her?
You weren't this enthusiastic with the earlier customers!"
she overheard his colleague telling him teasingly.

"Hey man!
She's just really pretty."

Feeling undoubtedly flattered,
she left and told herself,
"What a nice start to the day."
She couldn't help but smile thinking about it.

To the Mahesh lookalike from Yasmin Ahmad's Talentime named Albert,
thank you for the compliment.
:)

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Xtina's Not Myself Tonight.
When I first heard the song,
I found it a total turn on.

Boy, don't I love the video more.

Lots of GaGa influences actually,
but it's undeniably..
HAWT.

Other than the awesome wardrobe changes,
there's also this part which totally made me go insane with pure delight.

Never had anything against Xtina,
but I now have new-found respect for her.
;)

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

It's been more than a year now.
She thought she lost you,
for good.

That night before she left,
she was reassured once more;
you still care.

"She longs to be in your arms."

She feels insecure,
she feels naked.
The pure thought of it;
sends her shivering.

She feels cold -
so cold.

To feel warmth again -
will save her.
-Embrace, ©if-winter-ends.-

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Michael Jackson.
29th August 1958 - 25th June 2009.
I personally cannot believe it's already a year since you left us.
Your death still feels recent to me.

But not to worry,
you live on in our hearts.

Watching your epic Copenhagen concert,
just thrills me.
Seeing your steps,
hearing your voice.

MJ,
you're always missed.

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I'm now coming out,
to everybody who knows me.
This is the real me.
-Looking for myself, ©Jojonel.-
I myself did not expect a Part II of this entry. But here I am, to explain my perspective of being a bisexual.

This entry is for a friend whom I still regard as friend, one that I respect because of his fantastic art skills. One that is eccentric is his own special way. One that is a unique individual who is who he is today, because of his uniqueness.

And a friend he may no longer be, because he hates bisexuals. His words.

And ouch, they hurt.

His words actually hurt me because I love him as a friend. His opinion does matter to me, in a way.

So, it's a choice between me losing my identity and losing a dear friend.

Before I decide on anything, hear me out.

The scientific and religious theory of why God created Man and Woman. One of the reasons is to ensure that humans do not extinct. Hence said friend's 'hole and stick theory'. With bisexuality, infertility among humans occur.

Okay, first up, not all humans are bisexuals. I can safely say, the majority of us human beings living on Earth are heterosexuals. There's definitely low chances of human beings facing extinction, because there are the majority of heterosexuals that help to ensure the existence of the future generations. We have so many cases of abandoned babies. In my opinion, I actually think we're facing overpopulation right now.

Secondly, I'm aware that my choice in being a bisexual might be against Nature. Against God. Against the laws of life. But being a bisexual does not mean I'll be in a sexual relationship with people of the same sex. At this age, when I say that I'm a bisexual, it's more to 'mutual attraction to both sexes'. Who knows, I might be a lesbian when I'm older? Or I might just grow out of being a bisexual. So many people at this age of being teenagers or young adults are confused or unsure of their sexuality. At least I know I'm quite sure. For the time being.

Thirdly, I'm not influencing other people to be bisexuals. I'm not encouraging same-gender sex at all. I never said that. So, if I have to sin, at least I knew I sinned being myself. I'm not forcing other people to sin. I chose to sin, by choosing to be myself. If I have to go to Hell for this, by all means. Even if this choice of being a bisexual is a mistake, all humans make mistakes. This is a phase in my life. I'm not forcing people to go through this similar phase. Like I said before, this revolves around choices. I made my choice, other people are free to make theirs.

Fourthly, being a bisexual does not make me any different from you, you and you. Only my sexual preferences differ slightly. I eat, I sleep, I go to school, I make friends, I study. I like music, I like books, I like the arts. I love photography, I love fashion. Being a bisexual does not affect my everyday life with my family and friends. Sure, only my brother knows I'm bi in my entire family. And not all of my friends know. But hey, I still live life like a normal teen.

Therefore, here are my reasons.

Friend, I know you're a devout Christian. And I'm aware that bisexuality is against God's teachings, God's words, God's creations. I attend my school's Christian Fellowship, even though I'm not a Christian. I like to learn about other religions, not only Buddhism. In fact, I think I'm more learned in Christianity and Islam than my own religion.

So, maybe you want to save me from sinning any further. I understand your good intentions. I'm thankful for your concern.

But friend, if you really cannot accept me for who I am, I'll respect your decision in not being friends with me anymore.

I'm sorry if that happens, really.

But I cannot please everybody, I cannot change myself according to what people expect of me.

I apologise, friend.

★☮♥
And to my classmates, just a friendly reminder.

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I would like to rant about my procrastinated and never-ending homework, the extremely long school hours, etc., but that would most probably bore you to death.

Besides, I think a lot of my friends are sick and tired of listening to me rant and dealing with my panic attacks and paranoia over my undone homework.

Seriously, I’m not even like that regarding my grades. Call me a goody-two-shoes, call me a nerd. But I know, it’s somehow odd.

★☮♥
I nearly left my phone in Omega earlier. I am really grateful to the guy who handed my phone to Mr. Kung. Thank you tuition mate. (:

Lucky for me, Sathiya and Ranjeeththa were the ones to inform me about my phone. It totally freaked me out for awhile. Major thanks to them as well. ;)

★☮♥
My blog is an A+ blog according to Shera. Thanks. (:

★☮♥
In any case, I am now hooked to these two television serials.

Glee.
I'm officially a Gleek!
Took me just one episode to convert.
I didn't hate it,
I just did not understand what the hype was about.
Well, now I do.
;D

How I Met Your Mother.
My brother had been insisting me to watch this since..
last year I think?
He transferred Season 1 to 5 to the desktop recently.
I happened to be really bored one day,
so I watched the first episode of Season 1,
and now I get why he was so insistent.
I have yet to thank him for introducing this to me.
:]

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-Pride, ©synthesis.-
I never thought I would be facing..utter stupidity and negativity from homophobes the moment I’m open about me being a bisexual who likes girls more.

And yes, it finally did. Great.

An ex-boyfriend of one month was shocked when he found out I was bi. And that was before I explained to him the difference of being a bisexual and a gay/lesbian. He actually thought I was a lesbian.

After that commotion, he went around announcing to the whole world on his MSN status,

"OMG~~~my ex is a BI!!!"
And yes, in those exact words.

Hello, is it that much of a shock to you? Proves how much you had been living in a shell all this while.

You don’t even know the difference between a bisexual and a gay/lesbian. How can you judge someone without knowing the facts in the first place?

And so what if I’m a bisexual? You don’t have to keep rubbing it in the wrong way. Calling me not by my name, but bi? What do you think I am?

I am really sick of such..dense people who don't even know the difference between a bisexual and a gay/lesbian.

There's a difference, but still, gays, lesbians and bisexuals around the world are still being discriminated for being different.

Therefore, as a proud bisexual, I dare say,

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My ears bled most of the time, and I cringed a lot over some of the performances and how the MCs spoke. But I survived, thankfully.

Day started off pretty badly. Got over that when Khai and Shantini arrived.

It didn't take us long to find the place, as Shan had been there before apparently. Yes, I had never been there, not even to TGIF's. Now laugh.

Shan used common sense to follow some peers up the stairs, and lo and behold! We had a whole crowd of crazy loud teens waiting to enter.

Had some communication problems at the stairs, but I think that's settled. I think.

Chloe was one busy human! Seriously, I think it had been ages since I last saw her, she looked really different somehow! Of course, in a good way. ;)

Khai, Shan and I eventually made our way to some random seats at the back, since there wasn't enough seats. Right. We were stuck with the very loud fans of the band One Chapter. That would be Amira Aisya's brother's band by the way. Saw the former, which was quite a relief to me. It's always nice seeing familiar faces okay!

Also saw a couple of juniors, so I didn't felt like some alien in a crowd of mostly unknown people. For your information, my social circle isn't that wide.

There was this opening dance, which most of the guys went crazy over. Duh, two girls with very short shorts and loose tops dancing. What else can you expect?

Most of the bands were okay actually, if they had more practice.

Overall, the all-Malay bands had better showmanship, surprisingly. Pap Pap was really awesome, but they didn't even get an award. It's a shame for them.

There was one band, I think their name was Sky Blue? They performed Get Back by Demi Lovato, in which everything else was awesome..except for the vocals. I feel sorry for the vocalist, she was most probably so nervous, it didn't turned out so well.

There was also this instrumental band that performed Jerry C's Canon Rock. I actually thought they weren't too shabby, but yes, the judges were right in the point that there were too many electric guitars. I'm not going to speak any further 'cos I can't play guitar, I don't really have much right to comment.

Not forgetting the youngest drummer who was only eleven years old, I kid you not! She can actually keep the beat going! Girl power baybeeeh!

Yes, we even had some Metallica in the list. What else to expect when Alvin Sanjay and Gurdave are in the house?

The beatboxer was really cool! I just found out he's Melissa's cousin! Also the performance of Umbrella, I absolutely ah-dored how the keyboardist played.

One of the judges also performed on the drums and this other guy on the guitars. They are professional, so they didn't disappoint.

Summing up, and all in my humble opinion(s),

Most Overplayed Song(s):
Bad Romance by Lady GaGa.
21 Guns by Green Day.
Revolusi by Bunkface.

Most Outstanding Showmanship:
Pap Pap.

Best on Guitars:
Alvin Sanjay in the second band he performed with.
Remember how the MC went,
"How did you do that?
Playing the guitar on your back?
Isn't it heavy?"
LOL much.

Most Epic Moment(s):
1. When the vocalist of One Chapter had the battery from his mike flying out in mid-performance.
2. When Izz said he forgotten his lyrics - on stage.
(Why man, why?!)

Best Vocals:
The vocalist from Remedy for the Cure.
I enjoyed hearing him sing!

Absolutely Cringe-Worthy:
The MCs actually committed these two major errors,
which I really cannot forgive.
One of them said "Got Back by Demi Lovato."
Another said "I Don't Love You by My Chemical Love."
Next time, they better get their facts right before they let these slip out of their tongues.
Especially during a band competition.

And of course,

Best Company for the Day:
Khai and Shan! (:
In any case, to the members of United Stupidity,
I'm sure you all did your best.
And I'm proud of that.
(:

Detecting more familiar faces,
Najwa Hanee and Veena! ;)

I also saw Christina and Mindy!
Took a picture with Mindy, but she haven't uploaded it yet.
I absolutely heart these two people.
And hell, I miss them!

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The Runaways.
I was interested in watching this movie,
but I never got to it.

What motivated me again?

I just found out that Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning will kiss in the movie.

Oops.
My bad.
:]

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Hello readers, it’s now a Monday morning!

I am trying to keep myself motivated to complete the massive workload my school has successfully dumped on us fifth formers!

I have ten subjects’ worth of homework, inclusive of the ones I then conveniently procrastinated as it was the exam season!

I am now officially screwed on my way of becoming a psycho nerdy freak, staying at home and forced to revise for the incoming SPM Trials and SPM itself!

Must stay obnoxiously happy happy happy!

Pardon the exclamation marks, dear readers! I am ending my sentences in this entry with exclamation marks because according to Wikipedia,

An exclamation mark or exclamation point (!) is a punctuation mark usually used after an interjection or exclamation to indicate strong feelings or high volume, and often marks the end of a sentence.

Therefore readers, this is to prove that I am very excited to complete my massive workload!

Also not forgetting my conveniently procrastinated assignments from tuition as well! I pity my tuition teachers for having to bear with a student like me!

Hence, I am now going to end this entry, hoping that I had successfully fooled you readers that I am indeed very happy about this massive workload!

“Somebody kill me.”

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Got this from a Tumblr I followed. Link's here.

Cross Out What You've Done.

Graduated High School.

Kissed someone.

Smoked cigarettes.

Got so drunk you passed out.

Rode every ride at an amusement park.

Collected something really stupid.

Gone to a rock concert.

Helped someone.

Gone fishing.

Watched four movies in one night.

Gone long periods of time without sleep.

Lied to someone.

Snorted cocaine.

Failed a class.

Smoked weed.

Dealt drugs.

Taken a college level course.

Been in a car accident.

Been in a tornado.

Done hard drugs.
(i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid.)

Watched someone die.

Been to a funeral.

Burned yourself.

Ran a marathon.

Your parents got divorced.

Cried yourself to sleep.

Spent over £200 in one day.

Flown on a plane.

Cheated on someone.

Been cheated on.

Written a 10 page letter.

Gone skiing.

Been sailing.

Cut yourself.

Had a best friend.

Lost someone you loved.

Shoplifted something.

Been to jail.

Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.

Dangerously close to being in jail.

Had detention.

Skipped school.

Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.

Stolen books from the library.

Gone to a different country.

Dropped out of school.

Been in a mental hospital.

Had an online diary.

Fired a gun.

Gambled in a casino.

Had a yard sale.

Had a lemonade stand.

Actually made money at the lemonade stand.

Been in a school play.

Been fired from a job.

Taken a lie detector test.

Swam with dolphins.

Gone to Sea World.

Voted for someone on a reality TV show.

Written poetry.

Read more than 20 books a year.

Gone to Europe.

Loved someone you couldn’t have.

Wondered about your sexuality.

Used a coloring book over age 12.

Had surgery.

Had stitches.

Taken a taxi.

Seen the Washington Monument.

Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.

Overdosed.

Had a drug or alcohol problem.

Been in a fist fight.

Suffered any form of abuse.

Had a hamster.

Pet a wild animal.

Used a credit card.

Gone surfing in California.

Did “spirit day” at school.

Dyed your hair.

Got a tattoo.

Had something pierced.

Got straight A’s.

Been on the Honor Roll.

Known someone with HIV or AIDS.

Taken pictures with a webcam.

Started a fire.

Got caught having a party while parents were away.

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"...photography and fashion."
-For the love of..., ©MsPixie.-

I think if you really know me very well, you would most definitely know that photography and fashion are two things I'm really passionate about. And no, I'm not exaggerating.

It would be nice if I can make a career out of my two passions, seriously.

On Thursday morning, while going through the photographs for Anna's sister, Kak Sophie's graduation show with May, I was going on and on about how I would really love to do something like that after SPM 2010.

And both Anna and May, are telling me that I'll do well in the fashion industry.

I still remember that time last year when we went to watch New Moon together, May was telling me that I should go for it. I can make it in the fashion industry, in fashion journalism.

And Anna, she really knows how much I love fashion and photography.

There was once, she brought back a copy of Catalog magazine for me. I was spazzing for days.

There's always updates about Kak Sophie's progress as a Fashion Merchandising and Marketing student at NAFA, and also her plans after graduating.

Without fail, she'll be the one talking to me about fashion and photography when I really need someone who is updated in these two interests of mine, and is actually interested enough to continue the conversation with me.

Plans for photography sessions and art-appreciating trips are on the way. Can't wait. Seriously.

And Anna oh Anna, really believes I can do well as a fashion journalist. Seriously, she believes in it even more than I do.

I was even given the proper course name by Anna, since I never had an idea what was the name anyway.

Anna told me about the LASALLE College of the Arts in Singapore, which offers said course. It so happens that mumsie had also told me about such a college in Singapore.

I looked up the information for Fashion Communication at LASALLE,
click here if you're interested to know what it's about.

Anna volunteered to make a trip there with me after SPM to check out the facilities and stuff. If things go well, seeing as it is a private college and the course is bound to cost loads of moolah, I might work for it while doing my A-Levels.

For now, I need all the motivation I can get to survive SPM this year.

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"To decide on matters,
whether grave or small,
can change the entire outcome.
-simpliest choice?, ©seddensky.-

And yes, I'm am still undecided about what course I'm going to take up after this.

I had been told that if I make my interests or hobbies my career in the future, I'll come to hate them because of the pressure of the job, the workload and such.

I won't deny such a possibility, as discouraging as it may sound.

And I know my mumsie is very skeptical about my career choices. I admit, I agree with the things she said about them. The industry is tough, it's not easy to get a stable income, it's not even easy to land a good position, the likes.

Also, there's this particular belief in Asian countries about how we kids should be taking up careers that are sure to give us, our parents and our families a comfortable life. Being a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer is sure to get the nod of approval for most Asians, especially those who are die-hard traditionalists. This is slowly dying down, but unfortunately, this barrier still exists.

There's also the thing about how careers in the creative field are unrealistic. In the end, it's all about how much you'll earn in the future, and about being the boss of your own firm/company.

I hate all of these issues so damn much. You have no idea how much I really abhor these problems.

Thankfully, my parents are not forcing me to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer. These three options, are definitely a no-no for me. I blame the ever increasing number of people taking on these careers. And to be honest, I have no interest in them. Nil. Zilch. Nada.

According to my dad, I am free to choose whatever course I want in the future.

My mum also sings the same tune, but seriously, it's only 10% of the time when this is brought up during talks and discussions about my future. She'll disagree with this, discourage me from doing that..

I know it's for my own good, but..sigh. I don't know.

My parents are quite determined for me to study A-Levels at Sunway College JB next year. I'm taking the latest intake possible, probably June or July. At least my parents are giving me ample time to rot and experience life as a high school graduate.

So I guess that's one year plus to really decide on my career path.

Meanwhile, I'll just daydream about me working in the creative line and attempt to actually do well for SPM 2010.

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-Rainbow Hearts Love, ©Candiella.-

She went in to McDonald's to order a takeaway for lunch.

A friendly guy came to take her order.
"Good afternoon miss, how may I help you?"

"Enthusiastic much?" she thought.
Nevertheless, she went on with her order.

"Are you sure you don't want the set, miss?
The prices don't really differ that much."
he said, throwing more smiles at her.

"No thank you."
she smiled back, impressed with his friendliness.

As she waits for her order to be done,
the rest of the crew were joking around,
having fun as they worked their shift.

"We're the best team you had ever seen!"
said the crew leader with his cheeky grin,
to the manager that sighed while trying to hide her smile.

She couldn't help but giggle at their antics.

He looked back at her,
and smiled when he saw her smiling at his crew members' madness.

As she waits,
he keeps glancing at her;
smiling every time he made eye contact with her.

She smiled back every time,
as a polite gesture.
In her mind she was thinking,
"Is he actually flirting with me?"
She dismissed that thought right away though,
unconvinced of such a possibility.

Order up.
"Here's your order miss!"

"Thank you!"
she replied.

"Do enjoy your meal,
and come back another time!"
he added with a wide smile.

She just smiled back,
as she walked away.

"Eh, you interested in her?
You weren't this enthusiastic with the earlier customers!"
she overheard his colleague telling him teasingly.

"Hey man!
She's just really pretty."

Feeling undoubtedly flattered,
she left and told herself,
"What a nice start to the day."
She couldn't help but smile thinking about it.

To the Mahesh lookalike from Yasmin Ahmad's Talentime named Albert,
thank you for the compliment.
:)

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Xtina's Not Myself Tonight.
When I first heard the song,
I found it a total turn on.

Boy, don't I love the video more.

Lots of GaGa influences actually,
but it's undeniably..
HAWT.

Other than the awesome wardrobe changes,
there's also this part which totally made me go insane with pure delight.

Never had anything against Xtina,
but I now have new-found respect for her.
;)

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