To be in these scenes replacing..

Amanda Seyfried aka Needy, or..


Kristen Stewart aka Bella Swan..

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I need a longer attention span, a sense of organisation, a cleaner room and enough motivation to start doing all the things that I should be doing since the hols started.

Maybe I'll start blogging about the awesome outings I'm in throughout the year. Since I'm such a good procrastinator at blogging about all that earlier, it's time to make up for it.

Let's see, where shall I start? (:

*****DJ Fi's on StopSignRadio every afternoon from 2.00PM - 5.00PM! Do tune in when you can! You can do so here.

Three reasons why you should tune in to DJ Fi:
(i) She's a natural at deejay-ing.
(ii) She has the most awesome-st music among a lot of people that I know.
(iii) Her taste in music is tres manifique! ;D

Till the next post, cheers!

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It's Saturday already, and I'm still not asleep.

I have kor to thank for his opinions on the application for the Talkback Classroom Forum application. I nearly died with so many comments on every single sentence from Miss Nav. Didn't help that I'm getting confused with English nowadays, I have no idea how to interpret deadlines.

In any case, I'm just pondering about some stuff right now that I'm quite upset about. On why it has to happen and stuff. When it clearly isn't my fault.

Oh well. It's hard for people to understand, since everybody thinks they're the angels, while I'm the devil who thinks too much about it.

Problem is, nobody really knows how this mind of mine works. So there. (:


*****

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Here's what I did so far earlier in the day.

The alarm clock and the alarm from my phone rang at 8.30AM, but I was too lazy to wake up, so it's back to sleep for me.

Really regretted that. I had two hours worth of nightmares, which includes me driving and then totaling with a limo that came out of nowhere and forgetting to bring my Chemistry notes to Mr Lim's class, but brought my theory book instead. Weird thing is, Mr Lim was teaching music, not Chemistry! Come to think of it, he does have the looks of a music instructor. Hahah. But right after, I walked over to Plaza Pelangi, and I got caught by my dad. Oh gawd, the horror.

So I woke up at 10.30AM, and checked my phone, as that's a daily routine. And I saw a message from Pn. Rozi, telling me to come over at 12.30PM.

I'm like, oh crap.

But thankfully both my parents are in a good mood for once, so I made it to Pn. Rozi's in the end.

Had some awesome food, and chatted with Pn. Yew who was also there with her kids. As usual, Pn. Yew would never miss the chance to bully or make fun of me. Which is why I always do the same to her whenever I get the chance. XD

Ah yes, did I mention I'm the only student there?

Unlike last year, when us kids were at Pn. Rozi's crowding around her living room table invading the food and snacks and delicious chocolate cake, (yes, the very same one is also available this year), and there was us playing the piano. Haha. Good times.

I'm expected to be back in school before the 21st of December to carry all the caklempong downstairs to the hall.

Sweet.

*****Still not done with the Talkback Australia-Malaysia Forum application.

I'll work on it..after a few rounds of Jojo's Fashion Show 3. x] Major thanks to Geetha for enlightening me about the game! :D

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"No matter how busy our lifestyles can be,
no harm at all going back to the old times.
'Cos it never dies in us,
until we finally say so."
-Urban ballet 1 - the shoes, ©wreeper007.-
Finally done with the assignment a few hours ago. Sent it in hoping that not much will be cut. As per usual. I seriously hate it when I send in an original article, but only for it to be edited here and there till the original style and flow of the article is gone.

I had been blogging everyday since Monday. What an achievement.

But then again, doing what I should be doing isn't done at all.

Basically, I'm still screwed.

There's the Talkback Classroom Application to complete, with a lot of comments to edit this and that. You had always been like that, since my scripting days, haven't you? Ugh. Trying to change my style of writing and all. I honestly hate it when some people are like that. No wait, using the word hate is far too kind.

I abhor it when people try to get in my way of being me.

Then again, that's life isn't it?

*****I really hope Twinnie can recover from the pain, as soon as possible.

Nobody deserve such unhappiness.

But then again, that's life.

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Look what I stumbled upon while doing research on pointe shoes for Niexster.

For more, click here.
I really like her green tutu, and how she took her love for ballet to dance her heart out to a modern tune, and definitely made it her own. I admire the girl's spunk for daring to do moves like that! Bravo!

And those nasty critique about her, are just plain..nasty. And pointless.

By the way, at 2:11, you'll get what I mean by the title. (:

Enjoy!

While it's back to my assignment for me.

And there's the dilemma of choosing a nice profile photo of me which looks normal yet edgy at the same time.

Come on, it's not wrong that I want to stand out from the other student writers at Niexster. ;)

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Who else would squeal my name out loud along the corridors at Omega on a Friday afternoon without caring what tons of students will think of her?

Who else would call me back straight away right after an urgent text or a few missed calls?

Who else would try to make things right, and shower me with the nicest words ever possible?

Who else would accept that relationship status in Facebook?

And who else would totally dare to pull off 'LSP stunts' with me in PUBLIC? Of course, we tried to cover up for what we did, but we know we had some stares from the security guards at Omega and there's even this uncle who was commenting on our behaviour, in a cheeky manner. Ugh. But oh well, still pretty awesome shit we did then. XD


Basically, this post is to wish this awesome girlfriend of mine,


I don't know whether you'll be reading this, but of course, it's all the best for your SPM, and you're so close to freedom. There's more after one more year, when you're 18. Heh.

You're too nice, which gets you into a whole lot of trouble sometimes. But you're strong in picking yourself back up again. (:

So much to say, but so hard to put in words.

Before the end of this day, the 24th of November 2009, this entry shall be published, and it's also a post to express my sincerest thank yous to this girl, who is a huge factor in making this life of mine awesomeness.

I heart Cai Ling super duper lots, whoever messes with her, messes with me. ;)

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"Photography and fashion works the same way.
You might miss the perfect photograph within seconds,
and fashion has its own time and era.
It's either you're in or out,
now or never."
-my little camera, ©gottabeagga-
No matter what career I choose in the future, nobody or nothing is ever going to make me hate my interests.

Something that Lyn said is right. I might just hate photography/writing/fashion/art/etc. when its a job instead of a hobby. I won't deny that.

Even mumsie said that even I get to do something I love, I might just get bored of it.

But! There's something called taking risks.

It's not exactly my fault that I don't have a normal ambition to be a doctor, lawyer, accountant, or an engineer okay. I just don't want to be like everyone else.

I conformed just to fit in the last time, only to realise it's a big mistake to not be myself for all these years. I'm trying to make up for my past mistakes, as an apology to the inner me for faking a lot of me all this while.

And besides, I'm not as hardworking nor motivated as my classmates, who might not be my classmates next year as there's a possibility that I might be streamed into 5SC2, to get the best grades, memorise facts till you get all flustered up and bark at random people who get into your way of attaining the top positions in class. (To classmates who are reading this, I am not directing this at anyone in particular, so don't sue me if this offends you.)

Please, I barely passed Add Maths and I'm quite sure something similar might happen for Accounts. And yes people, I failed my Add Maths. I got a 39. I'm not exaggerating, nor being paranoid like the usual me the last time.

I believe I'm smart. Everyone is, in fact.

It's just how you use that brain of yours, and your attitude in life, that makes you smart or stupid.

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Last week of freedom. And yes, literally I mean it.

It doesn't matter that hols are till the 3rd of January 2010, because..


This is the life. NOT.

And I know it's for my own sake, but mumsie had been asking me to get started on Add Maths, Maths and Accounts since..last week?

Seriously, I know I suck big time in these subs, for they require loads of practice, something which I can never do with my horrible time organisation.

And..I just have no affinity with numbers. I like words better than numbers. Okay, excluding the show Numb3rs, that's a different story.

Normally, students in Malaysia study because they have a goal or goals to work for.

It's either:
(a) Getting excellent grades.
(b) Scholarships in the future.
(c) Attaining the top positions in class.
(d) To become the teacher's pet.
(e) For the sake of studying.
(f) To not disappoint their family members.
(g) To not lose their own 'face' or their parents' 'faces' while competing with family friends/relatives.
(h) *insert 1001 reasons here.*

Okay, so this blogger here is seriously not motivated to do any of that, even I must admit, some of them are obligations that I chose to do since..centuries ago.

But it's never constant motivation, so I'm basically screwed.

Heck, I don't even know what career I want to delve in when I'm done with school life, quoting my previous school counselor, Puan Rafeah,

"You have interests in many working fields, and you don't have a specific inclination to any of them. You are going to have a hard time selecting your future career, but you have higher scores in the Arts and Science columns. Logical thinking would do you well in science-related careers, and your foundation in piano and drawing would help you in art-related fields."

"Whatever you choose to do after your SPM, I wish you all the best."

This was a conversation that had taken place in the counselling room when I was a second former. And yes, I still cannot forget.

But Puan Rafeah is very supportive of me, and I'm thankful for that.

Still..if I don't even have a fixed ambition to strive for, I can't even be bothered to study wholeheartedly.

Mumsie and Dad had been offering me suggestions on what to do or what to be just to help me get motivated. And their suggestions of courses and career options are as of the following:

1. Actuarial Science.
   
2. Interior Designing.
3. Computer Programming.
   
4. Linguist.
5. Forensic Science.
   
6. Marry a rich guy, and just be a tai-tai. (rich wife?)

Okay, 1 is definitely out. I can't even do simple Math, what more Add Math which is a required subject in 1, apparently.

2, I'm not so sure about that. I have on and off interests in this. I mean, I like interior designs and stuff, but I'm not into it 110%.

I think they suggested 3 just because I'm such a computer junkie.

4, possible. But..never mind.

Forensic Science is wickedly awesome. I'm just afraid I might do injustice to those who had passed on by messing up on something. Don't want them to haunt me, for I have no ill intentions. :x

And 6 is just..ridiculous. =.=

My career choices are just unrealistic in this country called Malaysia.

So, any suggestions readers? Other than photography, fashion designing, theater work, joining an orchestra, entering ANTM Cycle 123 and being a full-time blogger? :D

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So, the result from what I had been doing for the past three days or so under the patient guidance of Anith Farhana and her wonderful laptop + drawing board + pen combination, and squabbling with Ezyan over who should be using the laptop first with Liyana laughing at us at certain intervals.

Sakura from Tsubasa Chronicles.
Okay, so it's considered pretty incomplete 'cos there's no background, but oh well. I need to try and fiddle with Adobe Photoshop CS4 some more before I attempt to experiment on this darling. Heheh.

For Anith's version, you can check it out here. It's a beauty, I can tell you that.

A big thank you to Anith, for being so patient, and for letting me copy her Photoshop CS4 into my pendrive, hence me using it to colour more line-art now! :D

Problem is, the smudge tool doesn't give me the desired effect as I want it to be, like how it turned out in school.

Therefore, I'm bringing this up tomorrow for the expert Anith to help me see what's wrong. (:

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"You can really tell a lot about a person through their drawings."
© Anna Sabrina.
With regards to the above quote from my darling pianist and karaoke partner, Anna dear, it struck me there and then how true the above statement is, and that proves how much I had lost touch with my dying passion and interest for drawing, painting, and just art.

I had been slowly taking up the art again, of trying to have the pencil love my hand, and create another channel of expressing oneself.

And the artistic friends have been helping me a lot with this.

There's always a "Go, Leonie!" from Azri every time I start about trying to pick up drawing again, which is very reassuring and stressing at the same time. Hey, we are talking about the artistic people in school, okay. They're way better than me, and definitely one thing about them that you can't miss.

They're really dedicated into their artwork, and are passionate about it as a way of channeling their creativity.
It's also a refuge when they're feeling down or upset, maybe when they're experiencing frustration as well.

And there's Anith who had been teaching me what she knows about colouring on Photoshop CS4. We had been bonding a lot these few days. Kind of hope that we can be in the same class next year, no matter what class that is. I'll need her, especially during classes for all the Science subs! And there's the drawing board and the pen which is pure awesomeness. x]

Ezyan has been telling me how much she hates me because the Sakura line-art that I had been colouring for the past two days looks awesome. Haha. She flatters me. It's not even done yet. I'm left with the gems on her dress, the dress itself, and her eyes. Can't bear to creep Sue out any longer. Heh. But Anith and I definitely agree when we say that we always colour the eyes last. ;)

So, definitely no regrets to not skip school for this week so far. And have no intention of doing so till Friday.

It's the final moments I get to spend with my friends doing what we do best and love, as quite a number are moving next year. Sigh. Not forgetting SPM as well.

Oh well, it's really time to work real hard for the exams. No kidding about that SPM cert, I know that. And I don't need no reminding.

*****Anna is really sweet to give me the Catalog magazine she got for me in Singapore. It's total love. Ah, that girl understands my heart is one with fashion and photography. Glad that things went well. And it's the fashion industry. Really can't expect nice comments from them lecturers. Unless you're the next Michael Kors, Chanel, Ralph Lauren, and such.

Quoting Heidi Klum, "In fashion one day you're in, and the next day you're out."

And such is the cruel side of the fashion industry.

*****Abiin and Kamalia were in school today. Abiin is taller and more muscular now! Not forgetting that she's chubbier too! x] Kamalia is still Kamalia. (: Though I'm disappointed that I didn't get my kiss on the cheek from her! Aha, soon I hope.

*****I actually personally hope that one of my artistic friend is okay. I'm actually worried for her. Very.

Seeings her drawings just make me feel really sad for her.

Like Anna, we just can't bear to see the pain she's going through. All portrayed through her drawings.

Bless her please.

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"It's just between you and me now."
-my secret 1, ©xoxjade.-
I have a confession to make.

And I'm yet to be done.

It might be ignored, it might be mutilated at the mercy of some others' lips.

You may understand, you may not care.

But I know that once I'm done with it, you're just an episode in my life that I won't want to watch again anytime soon, and my conscience is clear. (:

Life is just too short and unpredictable to moan, mope, and be unhappy about.

So I'm just proud to say that I'm just..

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"A makeover isn't about changing the way you look,
it's about bringing out your best features."
-MakeOver, ©Water2Wine.-
Now, it's to keep things simple and clean. And a hello to the me of the present.

*****Rica and Rinn has got the details planned out for SKST '05 Gathering 2009. Oh boy, I need Guppy's help on this. Tell me how am I going to go to CS and come back in one piece without being found out by my parents? :S

Ah yes, in case you're still new around here, my parents hate CS and they hate me for asking whether I can go hang with friends there every time. Hey, no harm trying right. But yeah, never did work out even once.

*****I think I was OTT-stupid and idiotic today. It's silly of me to keep thinking of you, but I still can't let go. I tried, and every time I'm done with you in my life, those previous memories come right back to haunt me.

My brain capacity cannot accept these images anymore. But they're moments in life that I can never forget.

Even if I had forgiven you, what's the point? Even if you had forgotten, what's the point?

If you had ever treated me as a friend, you wouldn't had even thought of saying those cruel words. Even if it's not for me to hear, but hey, word spreads quickly like wildfire you know.


You're a major disappointment. I'm actually sorry that I did so much for your happiness, if all you're capable now is to hurt me time and time again.

Did you know I had nearly got over it? Yes, nearly. But you just had to say the most ridiculous thing, and made me look like a total freak.

Hello, I can clearly remember that you were the one parading your status and saying that you weren't embarrassed to be one.

So-called loud and proud.

And now you're saying that I'm the weird and freaky one, and made others believe it?

You're just as ridiculous.

At least I'm being myself.

Let's see how long you can survive with your current cronies my dear.

When I start to learn how to forget you, you'll lose the attention from me. And you being the attention-seeker, let's see how you can bear with that.

*****To whom I regarded as a long-time friend.

Okay, we may have had those arguments, misunderstandings, drama, miscommunication, whatever you may call it.

But is it completely necessary to act really awkward while talking to me in school? In public? In front of your friends?

And go back to normality in the absence of your friends, in private?

Is it that embarrassing to talk to me?

Why don't you just tell it straight to my face?

Oh wait, I forgot. It's too embarrassing to talk to me! I might just ruin your image perhaps.

Then fine, I'll try not to talk to you unless completely necessary. Since the intention of just trying to stay friends didn't work out.

Conclusion?

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"When all I can do is apologise,
I feel just as helpless."
-sorry,©fludish-

This post is meant for the two awesome people that gave me one of the most awesome opportunities ever, but in a way, I failed them both.

For the trouble, for the excitement, for the hope, for the possibilities.

To Anna and her sister, I thank the both of you for considering me, I was honestly flattered, and still am till now.

I am aware that this isn't enough, and would never be, but seriously..

I'm really sorry.
I really hope that everything goes smoothly on Tuesday. I'll pray for a successful assessment.

It's the least I can do now.

Once again, this girl is really sorry. For everything.

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"If you want to bring me down,
this is the best time to break me into pieces."
-.Fragile., ©SilvieTepes.-

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

To be in these scenes replacing..

Amanda Seyfried aka Needy, or..


Kristen Stewart aka Bella Swan..

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I need a longer attention span, a sense of organisation, a cleaner room and enough motivation to start doing all the things that I should be doing since the hols started.

Maybe I'll start blogging about the awesome outings I'm in throughout the year. Since I'm such a good procrastinator at blogging about all that earlier, it's time to make up for it.

Let's see, where shall I start? (:

*****DJ Fi's on StopSignRadio every afternoon from 2.00PM - 5.00PM! Do tune in when you can! You can do so here.

Three reasons why you should tune in to DJ Fi:
(i) She's a natural at deejay-ing.
(ii) She has the most awesome-st music among a lot of people that I know.
(iii) Her taste in music is tres manifique! ;D

Till the next post, cheers!

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It's Saturday already, and I'm still not asleep.

I have kor to thank for his opinions on the application for the Talkback Classroom Forum application. I nearly died with so many comments on every single sentence from Miss Nav. Didn't help that I'm getting confused with English nowadays, I have no idea how to interpret deadlines.

In any case, I'm just pondering about some stuff right now that I'm quite upset about. On why it has to happen and stuff. When it clearly isn't my fault.

Oh well. It's hard for people to understand, since everybody thinks they're the angels, while I'm the devil who thinks too much about it.

Problem is, nobody really knows how this mind of mine works. So there. (:


*****

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Here's what I did so far earlier in the day.

The alarm clock and the alarm from my phone rang at 8.30AM, but I was too lazy to wake up, so it's back to sleep for me.

Really regretted that. I had two hours worth of nightmares, which includes me driving and then totaling with a limo that came out of nowhere and forgetting to bring my Chemistry notes to Mr Lim's class, but brought my theory book instead. Weird thing is, Mr Lim was teaching music, not Chemistry! Come to think of it, he does have the looks of a music instructor. Hahah. But right after, I walked over to Plaza Pelangi, and I got caught by my dad. Oh gawd, the horror.

So I woke up at 10.30AM, and checked my phone, as that's a daily routine. And I saw a message from Pn. Rozi, telling me to come over at 12.30PM.

I'm like, oh crap.

But thankfully both my parents are in a good mood for once, so I made it to Pn. Rozi's in the end.

Had some awesome food, and chatted with Pn. Yew who was also there with her kids. As usual, Pn. Yew would never miss the chance to bully or make fun of me. Which is why I always do the same to her whenever I get the chance. XD

Ah yes, did I mention I'm the only student there?

Unlike last year, when us kids were at Pn. Rozi's crowding around her living room table invading the food and snacks and delicious chocolate cake, (yes, the very same one is also available this year), and there was us playing the piano. Haha. Good times.

I'm expected to be back in school before the 21st of December to carry all the caklempong downstairs to the hall.

Sweet.

*****Still not done with the Talkback Australia-Malaysia Forum application.

I'll work on it..after a few rounds of Jojo's Fashion Show 3. x] Major thanks to Geetha for enlightening me about the game! :D

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"No matter how busy our lifestyles can be,
no harm at all going back to the old times.
'Cos it never dies in us,
until we finally say so."
-Urban ballet 1 - the shoes, ©wreeper007.-
Finally done with the assignment a few hours ago. Sent it in hoping that not much will be cut. As per usual. I seriously hate it when I send in an original article, but only for it to be edited here and there till the original style and flow of the article is gone.

I had been blogging everyday since Monday. What an achievement.

But then again, doing what I should be doing isn't done at all.

Basically, I'm still screwed.

There's the Talkback Classroom Application to complete, with a lot of comments to edit this and that. You had always been like that, since my scripting days, haven't you? Ugh. Trying to change my style of writing and all. I honestly hate it when some people are like that. No wait, using the word hate is far too kind.

I abhor it when people try to get in my way of being me.

Then again, that's life isn't it?

*****I really hope Twinnie can recover from the pain, as soon as possible.

Nobody deserve such unhappiness.

But then again, that's life.

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Look what I stumbled upon while doing research on pointe shoes for Niexster.

For more, click here.
I really like her green tutu, and how she took her love for ballet to dance her heart out to a modern tune, and definitely made it her own. I admire the girl's spunk for daring to do moves like that! Bravo!

And those nasty critique about her, are just plain..nasty. And pointless.

By the way, at 2:11, you'll get what I mean by the title. (:

Enjoy!

While it's back to my assignment for me.

And there's the dilemma of choosing a nice profile photo of me which looks normal yet edgy at the same time.

Come on, it's not wrong that I want to stand out from the other student writers at Niexster. ;)

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Who else would squeal my name out loud along the corridors at Omega on a Friday afternoon without caring what tons of students will think of her?

Who else would call me back straight away right after an urgent text or a few missed calls?

Who else would try to make things right, and shower me with the nicest words ever possible?

Who else would accept that relationship status in Facebook?

And who else would totally dare to pull off 'LSP stunts' with me in PUBLIC? Of course, we tried to cover up for what we did, but we know we had some stares from the security guards at Omega and there's even this uncle who was commenting on our behaviour, in a cheeky manner. Ugh. But oh well, still pretty awesome shit we did then. XD


Basically, this post is to wish this awesome girlfriend of mine,


I don't know whether you'll be reading this, but of course, it's all the best for your SPM, and you're so close to freedom. There's more after one more year, when you're 18. Heh.

You're too nice, which gets you into a whole lot of trouble sometimes. But you're strong in picking yourself back up again. (:

So much to say, but so hard to put in words.

Before the end of this day, the 24th of November 2009, this entry shall be published, and it's also a post to express my sincerest thank yous to this girl, who is a huge factor in making this life of mine awesomeness.

I heart Cai Ling super duper lots, whoever messes with her, messes with me. ;)

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"Photography and fashion works the same way.
You might miss the perfect photograph within seconds,
and fashion has its own time and era.
It's either you're in or out,
now or never."
-my little camera, ©gottabeagga-
No matter what career I choose in the future, nobody or nothing is ever going to make me hate my interests.

Something that Lyn said is right. I might just hate photography/writing/fashion/art/etc. when its a job instead of a hobby. I won't deny that.

Even mumsie said that even I get to do something I love, I might just get bored of it.

But! There's something called taking risks.

It's not exactly my fault that I don't have a normal ambition to be a doctor, lawyer, accountant, or an engineer okay. I just don't want to be like everyone else.

I conformed just to fit in the last time, only to realise it's a big mistake to not be myself for all these years. I'm trying to make up for my past mistakes, as an apology to the inner me for faking a lot of me all this while.

And besides, I'm not as hardworking nor motivated as my classmates, who might not be my classmates next year as there's a possibility that I might be streamed into 5SC2, to get the best grades, memorise facts till you get all flustered up and bark at random people who get into your way of attaining the top positions in class. (To classmates who are reading this, I am not directing this at anyone in particular, so don't sue me if this offends you.)

Please, I barely passed Add Maths and I'm quite sure something similar might happen for Accounts. And yes people, I failed my Add Maths. I got a 39. I'm not exaggerating, nor being paranoid like the usual me the last time.

I believe I'm smart. Everyone is, in fact.

It's just how you use that brain of yours, and your attitude in life, that makes you smart or stupid.

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Last week of freedom. And yes, literally I mean it.

It doesn't matter that hols are till the 3rd of January 2010, because..


This is the life. NOT.

And I know it's for my own sake, but mumsie had been asking me to get started on Add Maths, Maths and Accounts since..last week?

Seriously, I know I suck big time in these subs, for they require loads of practice, something which I can never do with my horrible time organisation.

And..I just have no affinity with numbers. I like words better than numbers. Okay, excluding the show Numb3rs, that's a different story.

Normally, students in Malaysia study because they have a goal or goals to work for.

It's either:
(a) Getting excellent grades.
(b) Scholarships in the future.
(c) Attaining the top positions in class.
(d) To become the teacher's pet.
(e) For the sake of studying.
(f) To not disappoint their family members.
(g) To not lose their own 'face' or their parents' 'faces' while competing with family friends/relatives.
(h) *insert 1001 reasons here.*

Okay, so this blogger here is seriously not motivated to do any of that, even I must admit, some of them are obligations that I chose to do since..centuries ago.

But it's never constant motivation, so I'm basically screwed.

Heck, I don't even know what career I want to delve in when I'm done with school life, quoting my previous school counselor, Puan Rafeah,

"You have interests in many working fields, and you don't have a specific inclination to any of them. You are going to have a hard time selecting your future career, but you have higher scores in the Arts and Science columns. Logical thinking would do you well in science-related careers, and your foundation in piano and drawing would help you in art-related fields."

"Whatever you choose to do after your SPM, I wish you all the best."

This was a conversation that had taken place in the counselling room when I was a second former. And yes, I still cannot forget.

But Puan Rafeah is very supportive of me, and I'm thankful for that.

Still..if I don't even have a fixed ambition to strive for, I can't even be bothered to study wholeheartedly.

Mumsie and Dad had been offering me suggestions on what to do or what to be just to help me get motivated. And their suggestions of courses and career options are as of the following:

1. Actuarial Science.
   
2. Interior Designing.
3. Computer Programming.
   
4. Linguist.
5. Forensic Science.
   
6. Marry a rich guy, and just be a tai-tai. (rich wife?)

Okay, 1 is definitely out. I can't even do simple Math, what more Add Math which is a required subject in 1, apparently.

2, I'm not so sure about that. I have on and off interests in this. I mean, I like interior designs and stuff, but I'm not into it 110%.

I think they suggested 3 just because I'm such a computer junkie.

4, possible. But..never mind.

Forensic Science is wickedly awesome. I'm just afraid I might do injustice to those who had passed on by messing up on something. Don't want them to haunt me, for I have no ill intentions. :x

And 6 is just..ridiculous. =.=

My career choices are just unrealistic in this country called Malaysia.

So, any suggestions readers? Other than photography, fashion designing, theater work, joining an orchestra, entering ANTM Cycle 123 and being a full-time blogger? :D

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So, the result from what I had been doing for the past three days or so under the patient guidance of Anith Farhana and her wonderful laptop + drawing board + pen combination, and squabbling with Ezyan over who should be using the laptop first with Liyana laughing at us at certain intervals.

Sakura from Tsubasa Chronicles.
Okay, so it's considered pretty incomplete 'cos there's no background, but oh well. I need to try and fiddle with Adobe Photoshop CS4 some more before I attempt to experiment on this darling. Heheh.

For Anith's version, you can check it out here. It's a beauty, I can tell you that.

A big thank you to Anith, for being so patient, and for letting me copy her Photoshop CS4 into my pendrive, hence me using it to colour more line-art now! :D

Problem is, the smudge tool doesn't give me the desired effect as I want it to be, like how it turned out in school.

Therefore, I'm bringing this up tomorrow for the expert Anith to help me see what's wrong. (:

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"You can really tell a lot about a person through their drawings."
© Anna Sabrina.
With regards to the above quote from my darling pianist and karaoke partner, Anna dear, it struck me there and then how true the above statement is, and that proves how much I had lost touch with my dying passion and interest for drawing, painting, and just art.

I had been slowly taking up the art again, of trying to have the pencil love my hand, and create another channel of expressing oneself.

And the artistic friends have been helping me a lot with this.

There's always a "Go, Leonie!" from Azri every time I start about trying to pick up drawing again, which is very reassuring and stressing at the same time. Hey, we are talking about the artistic people in school, okay. They're way better than me, and definitely one thing about them that you can't miss.

They're really dedicated into their artwork, and are passionate about it as a way of channeling their creativity.
It's also a refuge when they're feeling down or upset, maybe when they're experiencing frustration as well.

And there's Anith who had been teaching me what she knows about colouring on Photoshop CS4. We had been bonding a lot these few days. Kind of hope that we can be in the same class next year, no matter what class that is. I'll need her, especially during classes for all the Science subs! And there's the drawing board and the pen which is pure awesomeness. x]

Ezyan has been telling me how much she hates me because the Sakura line-art that I had been colouring for the past two days looks awesome. Haha. She flatters me. It's not even done yet. I'm left with the gems on her dress, the dress itself, and her eyes. Can't bear to creep Sue out any longer. Heh. But Anith and I definitely agree when we say that we always colour the eyes last. ;)

So, definitely no regrets to not skip school for this week so far. And have no intention of doing so till Friday.

It's the final moments I get to spend with my friends doing what we do best and love, as quite a number are moving next year. Sigh. Not forgetting SPM as well.

Oh well, it's really time to work real hard for the exams. No kidding about that SPM cert, I know that. And I don't need no reminding.

*****Anna is really sweet to give me the Catalog magazine she got for me in Singapore. It's total love. Ah, that girl understands my heart is one with fashion and photography. Glad that things went well. And it's the fashion industry. Really can't expect nice comments from them lecturers. Unless you're the next Michael Kors, Chanel, Ralph Lauren, and such.

Quoting Heidi Klum, "In fashion one day you're in, and the next day you're out."

And such is the cruel side of the fashion industry.

*****Abiin and Kamalia were in school today. Abiin is taller and more muscular now! Not forgetting that she's chubbier too! x] Kamalia is still Kamalia. (: Though I'm disappointed that I didn't get my kiss on the cheek from her! Aha, soon I hope.

*****I actually personally hope that one of my artistic friend is okay. I'm actually worried for her. Very.

Seeings her drawings just make me feel really sad for her.

Like Anna, we just can't bear to see the pain she's going through. All portrayed through her drawings.

Bless her please.

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"It's just between you and me now."
-my secret 1, ©xoxjade.-
I have a confession to make.

And I'm yet to be done.

It might be ignored, it might be mutilated at the mercy of some others' lips.

You may understand, you may not care.

But I know that once I'm done with it, you're just an episode in my life that I won't want to watch again anytime soon, and my conscience is clear. (:

Life is just too short and unpredictable to moan, mope, and be unhappy about.

So I'm just proud to say that I'm just..

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"A makeover isn't about changing the way you look,
it's about bringing out your best features."
-MakeOver, ©Water2Wine.-
Now, it's to keep things simple and clean. And a hello to the me of the present.

*****Rica and Rinn has got the details planned out for SKST '05 Gathering 2009. Oh boy, I need Guppy's help on this. Tell me how am I going to go to CS and come back in one piece without being found out by my parents? :S

Ah yes, in case you're still new around here, my parents hate CS and they hate me for asking whether I can go hang with friends there every time. Hey, no harm trying right. But yeah, never did work out even once.

*****I think I was OTT-stupid and idiotic today. It's silly of me to keep thinking of you, but I still can't let go. I tried, and every time I'm done with you in my life, those previous memories come right back to haunt me.

My brain capacity cannot accept these images anymore. But they're moments in life that I can never forget.

Even if I had forgiven you, what's the point? Even if you had forgotten, what's the point?

If you had ever treated me as a friend, you wouldn't had even thought of saying those cruel words. Even if it's not for me to hear, but hey, word spreads quickly like wildfire you know.


You're a major disappointment. I'm actually sorry that I did so much for your happiness, if all you're capable now is to hurt me time and time again.

Did you know I had nearly got over it? Yes, nearly. But you just had to say the most ridiculous thing, and made me look like a total freak.

Hello, I can clearly remember that you were the one parading your status and saying that you weren't embarrassed to be one.

So-called loud and proud.

And now you're saying that I'm the weird and freaky one, and made others believe it?

You're just as ridiculous.

At least I'm being myself.

Let's see how long you can survive with your current cronies my dear.

When I start to learn how to forget you, you'll lose the attention from me. And you being the attention-seeker, let's see how you can bear with that.

*****To whom I regarded as a long-time friend.

Okay, we may have had those arguments, misunderstandings, drama, miscommunication, whatever you may call it.

But is it completely necessary to act really awkward while talking to me in school? In public? In front of your friends?

And go back to normality in the absence of your friends, in private?

Is it that embarrassing to talk to me?

Why don't you just tell it straight to my face?

Oh wait, I forgot. It's too embarrassing to talk to me! I might just ruin your image perhaps.

Then fine, I'll try not to talk to you unless completely necessary. Since the intention of just trying to stay friends didn't work out.

Conclusion?

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"When all I can do is apologise,
I feel just as helpless."
-sorry,©fludish-

This post is meant for the two awesome people that gave me one of the most awesome opportunities ever, but in a way, I failed them both.

For the trouble, for the excitement, for the hope, for the possibilities.

To Anna and her sister, I thank the both of you for considering me, I was honestly flattered, and still am till now.

I am aware that this isn't enough, and would never be, but seriously..

I'm really sorry.
I really hope that everything goes smoothly on Tuesday. I'll pray for a successful assessment.

It's the least I can do now.

Once again, this girl is really sorry. For everything.

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"If you want to bring me down,
this is the best time to break me into pieces."
-.Fragile., ©SilvieTepes.-

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