"Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations."
~Faith Baldwin.~
-Change, ©Teiiko.-
To be honest, I'm a person who will be uncomfortable with changes to daily routines, as bored of it like I had always complained.

This brings me back to me conducting a self-reflecting session with myself.

This year so far, had been a rollercoaster ride. Reality after reality crashes down on me. What I had always thought was right all along, that thought vanished not long after the realization of it being oh so wrong.

Departures had been far too often this year. It was hard adjusting myself to the absence of many of those I had known.

And I'm not only talking about them people who are just in places miles away, but those who had departed for the other world that awaits them after their days of living ended.

Though we do not harbour close relationships, but they had inspired me to be part of who I am today.

Bless them all. May they be resting in peace.

Also, the close ties I used to have with some people, over the course of sixteen years being on planet Earth, had slowly faded away, just like that.

On the other hand, I had been blessed with new friends, and I'm honestly lucky to have know them, and actually be a friend to them.

Closer ties are formed, while the ties of the past?

Let it be, let it be.

I had made an effort to reform these specific ties, but unfortunately, it takes two hands to clap. I can't do anything about them if they choose not to.

I did my part, and I guess..that's all that matters.

And being a sixteen year old teenager, full of angst and raging hormones with frequent mood swings, and the emotional rush due to this part of the process called growing up.

I had been told that I had changed a lot from my kinder days, thanks to my mum who had..kindly enlightened me on this matter.

I know I'm not as hardworking like before. I know I'm not as dilligent as before. I know I'm not as rebellious as before. I know I'm not that sensible like before.

Yes, and I have always been aware of this, dear mother.

But, as much as I would like to stay like the child of the past, like the young daughter of a toddler you used to know, I just can't seem to.

For my alien behaviour of the present, I am truly, deeply, and sincerely sorry, mother.

I only can hope that you can bear with me, for I am trying my very best to change for the better.

All those seemingly harsh words you had been telling me at certain intervals of the year during my weakest moments, when I felt that the overwhelming sadness, frustration and uselessness can swallow me into nothingness, it will be then you would speak out.

You will always end your speech like this, after reducing me to tears and sniffles.

"Think about what I said, and see whether I'm right. I'm very disappointed in you."
If the very few people that I can safely regard as close friends would know about me, the first would be that I think utterly too much.

Ironic, huh.

But as I type this, I can only pray that my mum would soon realize that her daughter is only growing up, and bless her, as she is constantly worrying about so many other issues already, may she not bother herself with more upsets and disappointments with mere little me.

Though that will be a hard thing to do, for she's a mother, how can she not be concerned with the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual developments of one of her children?

I need to work on altering those of me that is a hindrance to many others.

And also, to myself.

To change, why not change altogether?

I had made a lot of changes this year anyway.

I think those who linger around me and personally know me from the inside out, though not fully, would notice these changes, big or small.

Once again, it is undeniable, there are some parts of me which I am unable to change, that is embedded into this soul who chose this body as her abode.

If there are some individuals who are not satisfied with parts of me that I am comfortable with and can proudly say it's truly me, I can only say that it's a clash of personalities, star signs and different preferences in life.

I cannot force them to like me, and they cannot force me to be all chummy with them as well.

That's something everyone, and I do mean everyone, should be aware of.

There's no use changing the important parts of you for the liking of others.

That's why peer pressure is so common among society, no matter which country on this planet we share with we're talking about.

Yet, change is unavoidable.

*****I need those changes, starting off with this space of mine.

Maybe a drastic haircut.

But most definitely, in my duty to be a filial daughter.

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

"Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations."
~Faith Baldwin.~
-Change, ©Teiiko.-
To be honest, I'm a person who will be uncomfortable with changes to daily routines, as bored of it like I had always complained.

This brings me back to me conducting a self-reflecting session with myself.

This year so far, had been a rollercoaster ride. Reality after reality crashes down on me. What I had always thought was right all along, that thought vanished not long after the realization of it being oh so wrong.

Departures had been far too often this year. It was hard adjusting myself to the absence of many of those I had known.

And I'm not only talking about them people who are just in places miles away, but those who had departed for the other world that awaits them after their days of living ended.

Though we do not harbour close relationships, but they had inspired me to be part of who I am today.

Bless them all. May they be resting in peace.

Also, the close ties I used to have with some people, over the course of sixteen years being on planet Earth, had slowly faded away, just like that.

On the other hand, I had been blessed with new friends, and I'm honestly lucky to have know them, and actually be a friend to them.

Closer ties are formed, while the ties of the past?

Let it be, let it be.

I had made an effort to reform these specific ties, but unfortunately, it takes two hands to clap. I can't do anything about them if they choose not to.

I did my part, and I guess..that's all that matters.

And being a sixteen year old teenager, full of angst and raging hormones with frequent mood swings, and the emotional rush due to this part of the process called growing up.

I had been told that I had changed a lot from my kinder days, thanks to my mum who had..kindly enlightened me on this matter.

I know I'm not as hardworking like before. I know I'm not as dilligent as before. I know I'm not as rebellious as before. I know I'm not that sensible like before.

Yes, and I have always been aware of this, dear mother.

But, as much as I would like to stay like the child of the past, like the young daughter of a toddler you used to know, I just can't seem to.

For my alien behaviour of the present, I am truly, deeply, and sincerely sorry, mother.

I only can hope that you can bear with me, for I am trying my very best to change for the better.

All those seemingly harsh words you had been telling me at certain intervals of the year during my weakest moments, when I felt that the overwhelming sadness, frustration and uselessness can swallow me into nothingness, it will be then you would speak out.

You will always end your speech like this, after reducing me to tears and sniffles.

"Think about what I said, and see whether I'm right. I'm very disappointed in you."
If the very few people that I can safely regard as close friends would know about me, the first would be that I think utterly too much.

Ironic, huh.

But as I type this, I can only pray that my mum would soon realize that her daughter is only growing up, and bless her, as she is constantly worrying about so many other issues already, may she not bother herself with more upsets and disappointments with mere little me.

Though that will be a hard thing to do, for she's a mother, how can she not be concerned with the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual developments of one of her children?

I need to work on altering those of me that is a hindrance to many others.

And also, to myself.

To change, why not change altogether?

I had made a lot of changes this year anyway.

I think those who linger around me and personally know me from the inside out, though not fully, would notice these changes, big or small.

Once again, it is undeniable, there are some parts of me which I am unable to change, that is embedded into this soul who chose this body as her abode.

If there are some individuals who are not satisfied with parts of me that I am comfortable with and can proudly say it's truly me, I can only say that it's a clash of personalities, star signs and different preferences in life.

I cannot force them to like me, and they cannot force me to be all chummy with them as well.

That's something everyone, and I do mean everyone, should be aware of.

There's no use changing the important parts of you for the liking of others.

That's why peer pressure is so common among society, no matter which country on this planet we share with we're talking about.

Yet, change is unavoidable.

*****I need those changes, starting off with this space of mine.

Maybe a drastic haircut.

But most definitely, in my duty to be a filial daughter.

2 comment(s):

Post a Comment