Let's just enjoy those simple things in life,
while we still have a chance to.
A blessing to those who live in content,
and those contented are blessed indeed.
Now, for a smile on that face.
(:
Hello readers.

I had been asked to update, so here I am.

It's saddening actually that I need to have people pestering me to blog to actually start blogging.

Truth is, I wanted to blog days ago, but somehow, as much as I wanted to live as a carefree happy-go-lucky human, I couldn't.

I just didn't have the mood to blog.

Frustrating indeed, as my heart still feels heavy up till this very moment, typing this entry down.

As some of you might know, I had officially made the decision to stop pursuing Queen's Guide.

I honestly couldn't cope anymore with another workload, and I'm just as sore about it as anyone else.

I had always thought I'm really passionate about attaining the title of Queen's Guide.

Till recently, that is.

I'll be very honest about the whole situation here.

It's my own fault that I have horrible time management. I tend to lose focus very easily while doing any kind of work, and like I had ranted to quite a number of people, and amazing how they seemed to know without telling me, I have a very short attention span.

What's more, I tend to procrastinate a lot as well.

Hence, I lost all that precious time in doing the log books and I'm in deep shit as Miss Low wants them now.

My studies aren't all that good either, though certain friends have the misconception that I'm a very smart kid.

Well, a very sincere thank you to those friends who actually believed that I'm smart, but I'll make it clear that I'm actually not that smart, just acting smart I guess. Haha.

I nearly flunked History, and Add. Maths too.

Let's not forget Physics and Chemistry and Biology!

Come on, I even find Modern Maths challenging, even if the majority thinks it's one of the easiest subjects.

This is proof on how inadequate I am in my studies.

Sometimes I do question myself on how I actually managed to get straight A's for PMR last year.

I would call it pure luck.

Seriously, compared to the rest of my classmates, or maybe the whole form itself, I didn't do as much revision, nor paid much attention in class.

Luck. Pure luck I say.

I digress.

But really, there was also this thought in me that constantly bugs me on how useless I am in doing all that physical work during camps.

I can hardly do any hard work, nor build any gadgets.

I felt useless, compared to Min Wen, Jia Xin, Hazel and even Xin Yun who wasn't taking Queen's Guide.

Miss Low had never failed to constantly remind me to always compare myself to them, how capable they are in coping with their studies, being excellent all-rounders and at the same time, excel in their journeys of attaining Queen's Guide as well.

Let's not forget Ju Chin, Chiu, Angela, Catherine, Jamie, Farra and Emelda.

I had always pressured myself to be like them - excel in both my studies and Girl Guide activities, and coping with tuition and extra classes as well.

My thought about this whole matter had always been like this,

"If they can do it, why can't I?"
And when reality hits me, that was when the downfall of my actions and thinking back then.

I had been stressing myself out trying to be like others, to achieve what others can do, to try and be another among those great names, to be an outstanding example.

My mistake again.

When I realized I couldn't cope, the pressure of being as good as the others was keeping me really down and moody.

I was upset, I cry over it all the time. I won't bother to deny it.

I just can't seem to accept the fact that there are people who are always better than me.

I want to excel ,who doesn't?

But now, I guess the only way for me to excel is to work well in things that I really enjoyed doing, and not forcing myself to try so hard, but only to fall harder.

I tried liking camps. I tried liking hard work. I tried liking log books. I tried to like the whole experience I'm getting.

I thought I did liked them all, finally.

But it's only now that I realized, that those things I had mentioned earlier, aren't my thing at all.

So it's time to let go I guess.

No more looking back.

I'm still preparing myself to gather enough courage to face Miss Low and personally tell her that I'm going to stop participating in attaining Queen's Guide.

Up till now, I'm darn shit scared. No denying this either.

The fear of her judging me once more, and treating me very coldly, is really making me down.

But it's my life I'm living. So most probably I have to live it down, and get on with life.

There's more to life than Miss Low, right?

Sigh.

Fellow haters that obviously do not like me, hate or even despise me, maybe you're at your happiest now that I'm falling so hard.

That I'm most probably not going to be one of the outstanding students in SIGS.

The fact that I had quit both debate and up next, Queen's Guide.

I just wanted to be a daughter that my family can be proud of, a student that the teachers can rely on.

I can hardly manage myself, and now trying to finish up the remaining obligations I have for the school?

It's sickening. Hoyeah.

Yes haters, be happy. For I had fallen. And very hard this time.

But ultimately, how does it benefit you all as haters? It's only a few seconds of happiness which is going to wear off anytime soon.

In my case, it might be pursuing a brand new form of happiness. (:

Therefore, I would like to end this post to those who had helped me in making my decision and supported me in this mess of mine.

My parents, my brother, Lynnie-jie, Guppy, Jia Ying, May, Evonne, Vee, Naomi, Azri, Anna, and of course, those friends of my in 4SC1.

I was a baby to burst out crying in class all of a sudden, but thanks, really. :]

Now, to collect back those pieces and to start putting them together again.

For I need to start all over again, and live life to the fullest.

Literally.

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

Let's just enjoy those simple things in life,
while we still have a chance to.
A blessing to those who live in content,
and those contented are blessed indeed.
Now, for a smile on that face.
(:
Hello readers.

I had been asked to update, so here I am.

It's saddening actually that I need to have people pestering me to blog to actually start blogging.

Truth is, I wanted to blog days ago, but somehow, as much as I wanted to live as a carefree happy-go-lucky human, I couldn't.

I just didn't have the mood to blog.

Frustrating indeed, as my heart still feels heavy up till this very moment, typing this entry down.

As some of you might know, I had officially made the decision to stop pursuing Queen's Guide.

I honestly couldn't cope anymore with another workload, and I'm just as sore about it as anyone else.

I had always thought I'm really passionate about attaining the title of Queen's Guide.

Till recently, that is.

I'll be very honest about the whole situation here.

It's my own fault that I have horrible time management. I tend to lose focus very easily while doing any kind of work, and like I had ranted to quite a number of people, and amazing how they seemed to know without telling me, I have a very short attention span.

What's more, I tend to procrastinate a lot as well.

Hence, I lost all that precious time in doing the log books and I'm in deep shit as Miss Low wants them now.

My studies aren't all that good either, though certain friends have the misconception that I'm a very smart kid.

Well, a very sincere thank you to those friends who actually believed that I'm smart, but I'll make it clear that I'm actually not that smart, just acting smart I guess. Haha.

I nearly flunked History, and Add. Maths too.

Let's not forget Physics and Chemistry and Biology!

Come on, I even find Modern Maths challenging, even if the majority thinks it's one of the easiest subjects.

This is proof on how inadequate I am in my studies.

Sometimes I do question myself on how I actually managed to get straight A's for PMR last year.

I would call it pure luck.

Seriously, compared to the rest of my classmates, or maybe the whole form itself, I didn't do as much revision, nor paid much attention in class.

Luck. Pure luck I say.

I digress.

But really, there was also this thought in me that constantly bugs me on how useless I am in doing all that physical work during camps.

I can hardly do any hard work, nor build any gadgets.

I felt useless, compared to Min Wen, Jia Xin, Hazel and even Xin Yun who wasn't taking Queen's Guide.

Miss Low had never failed to constantly remind me to always compare myself to them, how capable they are in coping with their studies, being excellent all-rounders and at the same time, excel in their journeys of attaining Queen's Guide as well.

Let's not forget Ju Chin, Chiu, Angela, Catherine, Jamie, Farra and Emelda.

I had always pressured myself to be like them - excel in both my studies and Girl Guide activities, and coping with tuition and extra classes as well.

My thought about this whole matter had always been like this,

"If they can do it, why can't I?"
And when reality hits me, that was when the downfall of my actions and thinking back then.

I had been stressing myself out trying to be like others, to achieve what others can do, to try and be another among those great names, to be an outstanding example.

My mistake again.

When I realized I couldn't cope, the pressure of being as good as the others was keeping me really down and moody.

I was upset, I cry over it all the time. I won't bother to deny it.

I just can't seem to accept the fact that there are people who are always better than me.

I want to excel ,who doesn't?

But now, I guess the only way for me to excel is to work well in things that I really enjoyed doing, and not forcing myself to try so hard, but only to fall harder.

I tried liking camps. I tried liking hard work. I tried liking log books. I tried to like the whole experience I'm getting.

I thought I did liked them all, finally.

But it's only now that I realized, that those things I had mentioned earlier, aren't my thing at all.

So it's time to let go I guess.

No more looking back.

I'm still preparing myself to gather enough courage to face Miss Low and personally tell her that I'm going to stop participating in attaining Queen's Guide.

Up till now, I'm darn shit scared. No denying this either.

The fear of her judging me once more, and treating me very coldly, is really making me down.

But it's my life I'm living. So most probably I have to live it down, and get on with life.

There's more to life than Miss Low, right?

Sigh.

Fellow haters that obviously do not like me, hate or even despise me, maybe you're at your happiest now that I'm falling so hard.

That I'm most probably not going to be one of the outstanding students in SIGS.

The fact that I had quit both debate and up next, Queen's Guide.

I just wanted to be a daughter that my family can be proud of, a student that the teachers can rely on.

I can hardly manage myself, and now trying to finish up the remaining obligations I have for the school?

It's sickening. Hoyeah.

Yes haters, be happy. For I had fallen. And very hard this time.

But ultimately, how does it benefit you all as haters? It's only a few seconds of happiness which is going to wear off anytime soon.

In my case, it might be pursuing a brand new form of happiness. (:

Therefore, I would like to end this post to those who had helped me in making my decision and supported me in this mess of mine.

My parents, my brother, Lynnie-jie, Guppy, Jia Ying, May, Evonne, Vee, Naomi, Azri, Anna, and of course, those friends of my in 4SC1.

I was a baby to burst out crying in class all of a sudden, but thanks, really. :]

Now, to collect back those pieces and to start putting them together again.

For I need to start all over again, and live life to the fullest.

Literally.

4 comment(s):

Post a Comment