Three out of five schooling days in this week alone - I had been absent.

Three days in a row - it had been a strict diet of biscuits, bread, porridge, and soup only.

Four days of not being in class - losing touch with those I consider dear to me.

Joining debate - is my biggest mistake this year.

Editorial board - the original element of fun had been taken away, thanks to her.

School obligations - getting those certs while making myself mentally disturbed, hurrah.

Procrastination - had taken over Najwa's place as my best friend.

Things would never be the same anymore.

Those that I truly call friends? So far from me, yet so near.

Those that I thought were friends? It's time for me to stand up for myself and stop them from stepping on my head over and over.

Should I stop being nice to everyone, and start being mean?

Or should I consider cutting all ties to those I truly care for, as I don't want them to get worried for me needlessly?

Alienating myself from this world..would it help me?

Rebuild my self-esteem?

Regain my confidence?

Enlightened on more theories of the cruel yet true realities of the world?

Suddenly..I don't know anymore.

Is it worth plastering that fake smile even though I'm honestly heartbroken inside?

Is it right hiding my sadness away and making myself more miserable, or opening it up and realizing that nobody is listening to me in the first place?

Is it wrong to keep everything to myself, bottling up my feelings?

Or it is even worse hurting those who do love me for me - knowing that I'm actually so unhappy?

Is is worth trying to bring happiness to those I cared for, only to end up not being remembered at all in the end?

Is it worth sacrificing what I am, for the sake of others who can't even see me for me?

More undeniable truths, that I still try to run away from.

I can't please everyone.

I can't expect everyone to be at my side whenever I please.

I can't be someone that everybody likes naturally.

I can't fit in, whatever the circumstances.

I can't be truly happy, thinking that trying to be closer to them friends would make me lose them all, while not making an effort? They wouldn't even come in the first place.

I can't expect life to go as I always want to.

I can't expect everyone to bear with my antics.

I can't expect me to be perfect.

I can't be perfect.

I never was.

I'd always tried to.

Failing miserably?

A big yes.

I'm sorry for everything.

I'm sorry.

I suck.

And I know it.

Huge self-esteem issues?

I got them alright.

What is right, and what is wrong?

What should be done, and what should be gone?

What should be remembered, and what should be forgotten?

What should be me?

What is me?

I just..

..I don't even know who I really am now.

Should people be making me, or should I be the one knowing who's me?

Fill in the blanks, there's no right or wrong answer.

This is just from a girl who's very much lost and would want to know some honest truths from others.

Basically, all she can think of is only one thing.

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

Three out of five schooling days in this week alone - I had been absent.

Three days in a row - it had been a strict diet of biscuits, bread, porridge, and soup only.

Four days of not being in class - losing touch with those I consider dear to me.

Joining debate - is my biggest mistake this year.

Editorial board - the original element of fun had been taken away, thanks to her.

School obligations - getting those certs while making myself mentally disturbed, hurrah.

Procrastination - had taken over Najwa's place as my best friend.

Things would never be the same anymore.

Those that I truly call friends? So far from me, yet so near.

Those that I thought were friends? It's time for me to stand up for myself and stop them from stepping on my head over and over.

Should I stop being nice to everyone, and start being mean?

Or should I consider cutting all ties to those I truly care for, as I don't want them to get worried for me needlessly?

Alienating myself from this world..would it help me?

Rebuild my self-esteem?

Regain my confidence?

Enlightened on more theories of the cruel yet true realities of the world?

Suddenly..I don't know anymore.

Is it worth plastering that fake smile even though I'm honestly heartbroken inside?

Is it right hiding my sadness away and making myself more miserable, or opening it up and realizing that nobody is listening to me in the first place?

Is it wrong to keep everything to myself, bottling up my feelings?

Or it is even worse hurting those who do love me for me - knowing that I'm actually so unhappy?

Is is worth trying to bring happiness to those I cared for, only to end up not being remembered at all in the end?

Is it worth sacrificing what I am, for the sake of others who can't even see me for me?

More undeniable truths, that I still try to run away from.

I can't please everyone.

I can't expect everyone to be at my side whenever I please.

I can't be someone that everybody likes naturally.

I can't fit in, whatever the circumstances.

I can't be truly happy, thinking that trying to be closer to them friends would make me lose them all, while not making an effort? They wouldn't even come in the first place.

I can't expect life to go as I always want to.

I can't expect everyone to bear with my antics.

I can't expect me to be perfect.

I can't be perfect.

I never was.

I'd always tried to.

Failing miserably?

A big yes.

I'm sorry for everything.

I'm sorry.

I suck.

And I know it.

Huge self-esteem issues?

I got them alright.

What is right, and what is wrong?

What should be done, and what should be gone?

What should be remembered, and what should be forgotten?

What should be me?

What is me?

I just..

..I don't even know who I really am now.

Should people be making me, or should I be the one knowing who's me?

Fill in the blanks, there's no right or wrong answer.

This is just from a girl who's very much lost and would want to know some honest truths from others.

Basically, all she can think of is only one thing.

2 comment(s):

Post a Comment