In any case, after a few days of considering, thinking, pondering, and reconsidering done, I'd decided to post a reply to this blog post, which I shall not link here. If you really want to poke your nose around this business, go and do your own research, you get what I'm saying?

Righty.

To those that clearly know the origins of this battle, you might be wondering, why am I so dumb to reveal my identity when nobody really knows that it's me anyway?

Reason is because you guys DO clearly know it's me and I did look so bad in that entry, therefore, I really find the need to clear my name. And please, the statement is to clear my name, not to make up excuses to cover up my mistakes, pleaseandthankyou.

By the way, I shall be the very detailed self as usual and go through that entire blog entry that had been posted about my flaws.

Important note before you progress any further in this blog entry.

"I won't deny that I do have flaws."
Step 1 : Clear my name from the accusations and truths about yours truly.

Starting up from this statement.

what is your problem actually??
sometimes I just wonder...
you said you prefer if someone confront you if they are not happy with you..
My problem is being me. And yes, I'd said that before.

but..
OMG! what a lie...
I indirectly confronted my unhappy feelings about you and you totally FREAKED!
you just asked me if I have something to say and gave me that look..
the look that says..
"Im annoyed with you"
and give me the kinda "SILENT TREATMENT"
I'd always said confronted me DIRECTLY, and not the other way around.
And if you had indirectly confronted me about your unhappy feelings,
I wouldn't know for sure 'cos as you said it, you confronted me INDIRECTLY!
So if I had totally freaked like you said I did,
I never knew what I totally freaked for,
so of course I'll give you some weird look,
for I'd never knew what you were talking about at all!
And about the silent treatment,
I'd never approached you so openly as before because,
since your dad didn't pay for your phone bills,
and your computer's gone haywire,
we sort of lost contact and drifted further away than how we were in school.
And I'm totally at lost with words when I saw you during camp.
That's why the so-called 'silent treatment'.
Sorry about that,
I was never really someone to start the conversation.

seriously...
Its okay for you to hang out with your other friends but when I did that..
you kinda like mad at me or sumthing..
Come on, mad?
You got to be exaggerating.
Since when I was mad when you hung out with Daeng and Iman and the rest?

So what?
it's not like I have to report everything to you...
YOU DON'T OWN ME!
you're the one who said you don't like if people get clingy to you..
and I am giving you as much space as you need...
I never said you had to report everything to me.
Since when?
Honestly, get your facts right.
And sure I don't own you!
You own yourself and your family owns you.
Full stop.
And yes, I did said that I never liked people getting too clingy on me,
and thank you giving me the space that I need!
Is this what you want from me?

I'm tired always looking like the bad guy..
and keep on apologizing to you..
And about this part,
I admit that I never liked losing,
so I'll do anything by hook or by crook for me to win somehow,
especially in verbal conversations.
So I sincerely apologize if from me, you felt and looked like the bad guy.

We were just hanging out...
it was so happened she's going out and she asked me if I wanna go..
that's all!!
It was totally last minute plan...
Still, you could had told me?
I mean, come on!
You keep on mentioning how hurt you are,
how about me?
Did you know how left out I felt when I had to hear from somebody else, namely someone that I really used to hate in the past and still quite do drop this piece of news to me like a grenade or a bomb?
Did you know how left out I felt when I heard you guys were going RYLA-shopping and since I was the one and only representative left among us SIGS kids going,
I wasn't even invited, let alone notified?
Did you know how hurt I was?
Honestly, I bet when you typed out your entry you never thought of all that did you?

You seriously have to deal with your issues..
Your SENSITIVENESS and JEALOUSY..
Its really starting to make me feel annoyed...
REALLY ANNOYED!
Oh yeah,
I won't deny sensitiveness and jealousy are among the few really bad traits of mine,
but I am trying to deal with them.
And if you're annoyed, sorry once more.
As if you don't have any flaws either.
And you think I didn't bear with your flaws?
I just never said anything.
I was tolerating your behaviour.
And this is what you say about me?
Gee.
Thanks.
A.
Lot.

get the full story from US and OMG, I can't believe that you actually believe him and just hold on to what he had to say instead of asking us...
I did get the full story from you!
Even before we left for camp in the bus!
And I was already okay with the whole matter.
Apparently, you posted this entry after camp,
and apparently,
you're the one who's not happy with it,
so please don't put your dissatisfaction onto my side and make me look like the culprit.
And I did believe him,
but I didn't hold on to what he said.
The thing is, I freaking asked you for the whole story?
I wanted to hear the story from both sides before I evaluate.
But you're the one jumping to conclusions here.
So there.

just so YOU know..
I never wanted to post something like this..
I'm the kind of person who FORGIVE and FORGET..
especially when these people are the people I'm close too
but I guess...
I have been holding up my unhappy or unsatisfied feelings too long..
Yeaps, I really know now,
as if I don't know you well enough not to know all that.
And honestly, if you were that unsatisfied and unhappy with me for too long, as you said it yourself,
why not confront me earlier about this whole issue before you blowing it up to some extravaganza?

You notice all the bad points about me..
PUBLICLY said it LOUD and PROUD..
(not that I mind..well...I can't care less actually)
but...
Did I ever do that to you?
Sure I noticed all those bad points.
And yes, I did say it out loud, I admit that.
But it isn't anything you're ashamed of.
For the only bad point I remembered saying about you out loud was you always saying that you're hawt at every millisecond of the day,
and how I couldn't bear with you any longer,
and how I JOKINGLY said I wanted a divorce.
And there, you said you couldn't care less!
Amazing!
But, it's true.
You never did that to me.
So, you want me to apologize again?
'Cos I'd been doing a lot of the apologizing around here.

I support you if you have a crush on somebody infront or behind other people..
but you...
you act like I'm such a player infront of people but behind others you support me..
THANK YOU for your countless support..
but people will just assume I'm the BAD one..
Okay, honestly what the fuck are you talking about here?
I act like you're such a player in front of people but behind others I support you?
I.
NEVER.
DID THAT.
I'd only said many guys here admired and adored you, that's all!
And I'd always supported you, whether you had noticed it or not.
That's all.
And thanks for the support if I'd ever had a crush on anybody.
Right.
And you're just assuming that people will assume that you're the bad one.
Thinking too much?
I would actually say, yes.
Not that I'd blamed you for it,
but really, you could had DIRECTLY confronted me if you were so unhappy about it.

I hope...
Really hope...
that you notice your own bad points instead of just others...
remember the character weaknesses..
Study that...
Darling,
I'm being very sarcastic at this point,
which you never seem to notice in MSN conversations,
but you know the best that I'm very analytical about human behaviours,
therefore me wanting to take up Psychology in the future?
And I do know my bad points,
question is - do you know yours?

I'm sorry if I was selfish,self-centered and whatever you said I was..
but...
You wanna know the truth..
and well...
Truth can be hurtful...
You are selfish.
You are self-centered.
You are everything that I'd said of you.
You know it's the truth.
But you won't freaking admit it.
I know each and every one of us has flaws,
but I'd never expected you to apologize for them.
And sure I want to know the truth,
but darling,
once more I'd said I wanted a direct confrontation,
not indirectly through a blog post.
You just never knew the difference don't you?
And yes, if you had directly confronted me,
I wouldn't had experienced the extreme pain I'd felt reading your blog post.
You just know how to hurt me, don't you?

You wish people could just confront you if they are unhappy about you...
well..here it is...
Yeah, I'd always wished and could had never wished for something better.
And for the third and final time,
I'd said I wanted a DIRECT confrontation.
The thing about you,
is that you NEVER LISTEN.
Talking about bad points huh.
Here it is, since you want it so much.

I dont hate you...
I L.O.V.E you so very much...
that is why I think its better if I just let it out then holding it in...
I don't blame you at all.
But still, three strikes and you weren't out.
Four strikes, you're out.
I'd even gave you an extra try,
but you didn't try hard enough.
I don't hate you either,
and you have no idea how much I love you too.
I'd always told you I am never good with expressing my emotions,
maybe except through this good old blog of mine.
But honestly, by loving you, the hurt is times two..
And yes, let it all out,
while you'd suffered with the pain,
you'd decided to pass it all on to me.
Revenge maybe?
Hah.

Lastly..

and I hope this doesn't affect our FRIENDSHIP..
Too bad, it already did and will always leave a scar in this friendship.
By posting this entry, the consequences do come with it too.

There, finally.

Now, hopefully, those who'd a bad impression of the human that's mentioned in that blog post could come over here and see that there's another side to this drama.

Step 2 : Dare the blogger who had blogged about this to confront yours truly directly through instant messanging.

And yes, that was done not long after I'd read the entry.

All of a sudden, from the vicious beast-like human that typed the very same blog entry, that person was actually going all nice with me.

We managed to only get some things cleared, but unfortunately, not all.

But fuck it all, one last thing before this entry has got to end.

"You silly child,
I'd always love you,
and always will.
Don't think about stuff like that anymore,
and please.
Just confront me directly if you have anything you're unhappy with.
You said you're afraid to because you were afraid to see me cry in front of you.
But frankly, the pain you inflicted on me,
through that blog entry.
Was enough to scar my emotions.
For life.
No exaggerations there.
Fuck it,
do you know how people say that when you love somebody,
you also hate that person?
I hate you to death.
But I also fucking love you."
Oh please, let this all be settled.

...

I can't stand another minute of this anymore.

I'd mentioned that I always wanted to win in wars.

But in this particular one, I just want a win-win situation, where everything could be settled in peace.

Bless us all.

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Post a Comment

                                                   

It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

In any case, after a few days of considering, thinking, pondering, and reconsidering done, I'd decided to post a reply to this blog post, which I shall not link here. If you really want to poke your nose around this business, go and do your own research, you get what I'm saying?

Righty.

To those that clearly know the origins of this battle, you might be wondering, why am I so dumb to reveal my identity when nobody really knows that it's me anyway?

Reason is because you guys DO clearly know it's me and I did look so bad in that entry, therefore, I really find the need to clear my name. And please, the statement is to clear my name, not to make up excuses to cover up my mistakes, pleaseandthankyou.

By the way, I shall be the very detailed self as usual and go through that entire blog entry that had been posted about my flaws.

Important note before you progress any further in this blog entry.

"I won't deny that I do have flaws."
Step 1 : Clear my name from the accusations and truths about yours truly.

Starting up from this statement.

what is your problem actually??
sometimes I just wonder...
you said you prefer if someone confront you if they are not happy with you..
My problem is being me. And yes, I'd said that before.

but..
OMG! what a lie...
I indirectly confronted my unhappy feelings about you and you totally FREAKED!
you just asked me if I have something to say and gave me that look..
the look that says..
"Im annoyed with you"
and give me the kinda "SILENT TREATMENT"
I'd always said confronted me DIRECTLY, and not the other way around.
And if you had indirectly confronted me about your unhappy feelings,
I wouldn't know for sure 'cos as you said it, you confronted me INDIRECTLY!
So if I had totally freaked like you said I did,
I never knew what I totally freaked for,
so of course I'll give you some weird look,
for I'd never knew what you were talking about at all!
And about the silent treatment,
I'd never approached you so openly as before because,
since your dad didn't pay for your phone bills,
and your computer's gone haywire,
we sort of lost contact and drifted further away than how we were in school.
And I'm totally at lost with words when I saw you during camp.
That's why the so-called 'silent treatment'.
Sorry about that,
I was never really someone to start the conversation.

seriously...
Its okay for you to hang out with your other friends but when I did that..
you kinda like mad at me or sumthing..
Come on, mad?
You got to be exaggerating.
Since when I was mad when you hung out with Daeng and Iman and the rest?

So what?
it's not like I have to report everything to you...
YOU DON'T OWN ME!
you're the one who said you don't like if people get clingy to you..
and I am giving you as much space as you need...
I never said you had to report everything to me.
Since when?
Honestly, get your facts right.
And sure I don't own you!
You own yourself and your family owns you.
Full stop.
And yes, I did said that I never liked people getting too clingy on me,
and thank you giving me the space that I need!
Is this what you want from me?

I'm tired always looking like the bad guy..
and keep on apologizing to you..
And about this part,
I admit that I never liked losing,
so I'll do anything by hook or by crook for me to win somehow,
especially in verbal conversations.
So I sincerely apologize if from me, you felt and looked like the bad guy.

We were just hanging out...
it was so happened she's going out and she asked me if I wanna go..
that's all!!
It was totally last minute plan...
Still, you could had told me?
I mean, come on!
You keep on mentioning how hurt you are,
how about me?
Did you know how left out I felt when I had to hear from somebody else, namely someone that I really used to hate in the past and still quite do drop this piece of news to me like a grenade or a bomb?
Did you know how left out I felt when I heard you guys were going RYLA-shopping and since I was the one and only representative left among us SIGS kids going,
I wasn't even invited, let alone notified?
Did you know how hurt I was?
Honestly, I bet when you typed out your entry you never thought of all that did you?

You seriously have to deal with your issues..
Your SENSITIVENESS and JEALOUSY..
Its really starting to make me feel annoyed...
REALLY ANNOYED!
Oh yeah,
I won't deny sensitiveness and jealousy are among the few really bad traits of mine,
but I am trying to deal with them.
And if you're annoyed, sorry once more.
As if you don't have any flaws either.
And you think I didn't bear with your flaws?
I just never said anything.
I was tolerating your behaviour.
And this is what you say about me?
Gee.
Thanks.
A.
Lot.

get the full story from US and OMG, I can't believe that you actually believe him and just hold on to what he had to say instead of asking us...
I did get the full story from you!
Even before we left for camp in the bus!
And I was already okay with the whole matter.
Apparently, you posted this entry after camp,
and apparently,
you're the one who's not happy with it,
so please don't put your dissatisfaction onto my side and make me look like the culprit.
And I did believe him,
but I didn't hold on to what he said.
The thing is, I freaking asked you for the whole story?
I wanted to hear the story from both sides before I evaluate.
But you're the one jumping to conclusions here.
So there.

just so YOU know..
I never wanted to post something like this..
I'm the kind of person who FORGIVE and FORGET..
especially when these people are the people I'm close too
but I guess...
I have been holding up my unhappy or unsatisfied feelings too long..
Yeaps, I really know now,
as if I don't know you well enough not to know all that.
And honestly, if you were that unsatisfied and unhappy with me for too long, as you said it yourself,
why not confront me earlier about this whole issue before you blowing it up to some extravaganza?

You notice all the bad points about me..
PUBLICLY said it LOUD and PROUD..
(not that I mind..well...I can't care less actually)
but...
Did I ever do that to you?
Sure I noticed all those bad points.
And yes, I did say it out loud, I admit that.
But it isn't anything you're ashamed of.
For the only bad point I remembered saying about you out loud was you always saying that you're hawt at every millisecond of the day,
and how I couldn't bear with you any longer,
and how I JOKINGLY said I wanted a divorce.
And there, you said you couldn't care less!
Amazing!
But, it's true.
You never did that to me.
So, you want me to apologize again?
'Cos I'd been doing a lot of the apologizing around here.

I support you if you have a crush on somebody infront or behind other people..
but you...
you act like I'm such a player infront of people but behind others you support me..
THANK YOU for your countless support..
but people will just assume I'm the BAD one..
Okay, honestly what the fuck are you talking about here?
I act like you're such a player in front of people but behind others I support you?
I.
NEVER.
DID THAT.
I'd only said many guys here admired and adored you, that's all!
And I'd always supported you, whether you had noticed it or not.
That's all.
And thanks for the support if I'd ever had a crush on anybody.
Right.
And you're just assuming that people will assume that you're the bad one.
Thinking too much?
I would actually say, yes.
Not that I'd blamed you for it,
but really, you could had DIRECTLY confronted me if you were so unhappy about it.

I hope...
Really hope...
that you notice your own bad points instead of just others...
remember the character weaknesses..
Study that...
Darling,
I'm being very sarcastic at this point,
which you never seem to notice in MSN conversations,
but you know the best that I'm very analytical about human behaviours,
therefore me wanting to take up Psychology in the future?
And I do know my bad points,
question is - do you know yours?

I'm sorry if I was selfish,self-centered and whatever you said I was..
but...
You wanna know the truth..
and well...
Truth can be hurtful...
You are selfish.
You are self-centered.
You are everything that I'd said of you.
You know it's the truth.
But you won't freaking admit it.
I know each and every one of us has flaws,
but I'd never expected you to apologize for them.
And sure I want to know the truth,
but darling,
once more I'd said I wanted a direct confrontation,
not indirectly through a blog post.
You just never knew the difference don't you?
And yes, if you had directly confronted me,
I wouldn't had experienced the extreme pain I'd felt reading your blog post.
You just know how to hurt me, don't you?

You wish people could just confront you if they are unhappy about you...
well..here it is...
Yeah, I'd always wished and could had never wished for something better.
And for the third and final time,
I'd said I wanted a DIRECT confrontation.
The thing about you,
is that you NEVER LISTEN.
Talking about bad points huh.
Here it is, since you want it so much.

I dont hate you...
I L.O.V.E you so very much...
that is why I think its better if I just let it out then holding it in...
I don't blame you at all.
But still, three strikes and you weren't out.
Four strikes, you're out.
I'd even gave you an extra try,
but you didn't try hard enough.
I don't hate you either,
and you have no idea how much I love you too.
I'd always told you I am never good with expressing my emotions,
maybe except through this good old blog of mine.
But honestly, by loving you, the hurt is times two..
And yes, let it all out,
while you'd suffered with the pain,
you'd decided to pass it all on to me.
Revenge maybe?
Hah.

Lastly..

and I hope this doesn't affect our FRIENDSHIP..
Too bad, it already did and will always leave a scar in this friendship.
By posting this entry, the consequences do come with it too.

There, finally.

Now, hopefully, those who'd a bad impression of the human that's mentioned in that blog post could come over here and see that there's another side to this drama.

Step 2 : Dare the blogger who had blogged about this to confront yours truly directly through instant messanging.

And yes, that was done not long after I'd read the entry.

All of a sudden, from the vicious beast-like human that typed the very same blog entry, that person was actually going all nice with me.

We managed to only get some things cleared, but unfortunately, not all.

But fuck it all, one last thing before this entry has got to end.

"You silly child,
I'd always love you,
and always will.
Don't think about stuff like that anymore,
and please.
Just confront me directly if you have anything you're unhappy with.
You said you're afraid to because you were afraid to see me cry in front of you.
But frankly, the pain you inflicted on me,
through that blog entry.
Was enough to scar my emotions.
For life.
No exaggerations there.
Fuck it,
do you know how people say that when you love somebody,
you also hate that person?
I hate you to death.
But I also fucking love you."
Oh please, let this all be settled.

...

I can't stand another minute of this anymore.

I'd mentioned that I always wanted to win in wars.

But in this particular one, I just want a win-win situation, where everything could be settled in peace.

Bless us all.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment