I admit, I haven't been in the best of moods recently.

Like I had said earlier before in my posts, if I seem happy to you, deep down I'm still pretty much emofied, because you're the people I don't show my true inner feelings too. Not that I can't trust you or anything, but I just don't want to bring in more people to know what exactly is going on with me.

So far, I would proudly say, only TWO people that managed to gain my trust know the fate that might face me at the end of the year.

And it's also at the end of this year, the result will be out. Whether I'll still be living among the living or not.

To these two, are the people that really mean a lot to me and I felt that they have a right to know firsthand.

If you, yes, YOU, the one who's reading my blog post right now at this very second, think that you are one of those who think they had not been told of this So-Called Huge Secret, pardon me. I may tell you when I'm ready, and that's about it.

To YOU. You were the very first to know, and at that moment you were by my side watching me shed tears in front of you for the very first time. The news was still quite fresh that time and I haven't really got the idea to my head yet. I really couldn't hold back the emotions any longer, so I broke down in front of you. And only you. The people that I had thought really cared for me didn't even witness me crying, thank heavens for that, in fact. Again, thank you. You know I'm eternally grateful to you.

To YOU. I just told you about it recently, when the problem reappeared all over again. For the first time after all this time, I really felt cared by you again. You even took the initiative to call me to know the details, and even if I didn't show it, but that call really helped me a little, emotion-wise. Adding the fact that you still play an important role in my life, as I had known you for almost 60% of my life. Thanks for your support, and I hope we get to stay friends at least instead of verbally abusing each other half the time when we actually talk. You can be a good friend, I just wished you weren't so indecisive, confused, and all the other cons you have, but thank gooseness, what you just did for me just made all that up. And I won't say I'm perfect either.

Too bad I can't rant about this So-Called Huge Secret here, or it would be so much easier with the crazy messed-up emotions I have now. Harhar.

***** On the other hand, I'm glad that Narishma and Naomi finally made peace.

And anyway, Narishma and I had a heated fight in Naomi's tagbox. Booyeah, wasn't it catty! But then, it got settled somehow so yeah, that's over. Phew.

And I know how so many people in school, especially the blogging community started ragging on about this drama, and I had to rub more salt into the wound by making known of my honest opinions of the whole situation. Adding the fact that I wasn't in the mood already in the first place, I was practically a very unhappy human.

And to Najwa, I know you're damn worried about Interact, but honestly, you don't have to worry that much. Interact will be Interact, personal matters will stay personal. Even if Narishma and I are still in the midst of war, which thankfully is over I guess, I won't let personal matters get into the way of work. Especially the fact I want SIGS's Interact club to succeed just as freaking much as you all do. So yeah, one part of the problem solved.

And to everybody, I hence officially apologize for making a huge commotion out of this, and you all can be relieved now, 'cos it's over.

***** And Najwa, I know it's selfish of me to ask you to make me cry. I had my reasons. And I think you know them really well.

Seriously, I never felt a rush of emotions similar to this ever before in my entire 15 years living on planet Earth. It's the effect of being a teenager, I can just freaking feel it.

I finally understand so many things that teenagers find so hard to solve and decide, yet the solution is plastered right on their faces.

I'm just sorry for my catty behaviour. Let's just face this, I'm a BITCH.

Since I started to appreciate life going through it as an ordinary teenager who doesn't think too much on the trials and tribulations of teenagedom, I had been becoming a total air-head and a dumb bimbo, or in easier words, turning LALA.

You know what? I want to say sorry, but seeing my entire blog post is going to be made up of 'sorries', and ending up sounding like a certain somebody, so yeah. And, sorry doesn't help in anything.

Sometimes I feel I resemble that person sometimes. Sigh.

And, I noticed you had been really quiet. Maybe it's 'cos you're fasting and you need to save the energy, or it may be 'cos of your flu, but seriously, you're getting a wee bit too quiet, and that's not the Najwa I exactly know. I'm actually intimidated by you to talk to you.

I'm..really afraid.

This isn't the first time this is happening.

So, if you need time alone, I don't mind, 'cos I think I'll just irritate and annoy the heck out of you.

*****Goshness, somebody please knock me on the head and bring me back to the world of sensibility and tolerance.

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

I admit, I haven't been in the best of moods recently.

Like I had said earlier before in my posts, if I seem happy to you, deep down I'm still pretty much emofied, because you're the people I don't show my true inner feelings too. Not that I can't trust you or anything, but I just don't want to bring in more people to know what exactly is going on with me.

So far, I would proudly say, only TWO people that managed to gain my trust know the fate that might face me at the end of the year.

And it's also at the end of this year, the result will be out. Whether I'll still be living among the living or not.

To these two, are the people that really mean a lot to me and I felt that they have a right to know firsthand.

If you, yes, YOU, the one who's reading my blog post right now at this very second, think that you are one of those who think they had not been told of this So-Called Huge Secret, pardon me. I may tell you when I'm ready, and that's about it.

To YOU. You were the very first to know, and at that moment you were by my side watching me shed tears in front of you for the very first time. The news was still quite fresh that time and I haven't really got the idea to my head yet. I really couldn't hold back the emotions any longer, so I broke down in front of you. And only you. The people that I had thought really cared for me didn't even witness me crying, thank heavens for that, in fact. Again, thank you. You know I'm eternally grateful to you.

To YOU. I just told you about it recently, when the problem reappeared all over again. For the first time after all this time, I really felt cared by you again. You even took the initiative to call me to know the details, and even if I didn't show it, but that call really helped me a little, emotion-wise. Adding the fact that you still play an important role in my life, as I had known you for almost 60% of my life. Thanks for your support, and I hope we get to stay friends at least instead of verbally abusing each other half the time when we actually talk. You can be a good friend, I just wished you weren't so indecisive, confused, and all the other cons you have, but thank gooseness, what you just did for me just made all that up. And I won't say I'm perfect either.

Too bad I can't rant about this So-Called Huge Secret here, or it would be so much easier with the crazy messed-up emotions I have now. Harhar.

***** On the other hand, I'm glad that Narishma and Naomi finally made peace.

And anyway, Narishma and I had a heated fight in Naomi's tagbox. Booyeah, wasn't it catty! But then, it got settled somehow so yeah, that's over. Phew.

And I know how so many people in school, especially the blogging community started ragging on about this drama, and I had to rub more salt into the wound by making known of my honest opinions of the whole situation. Adding the fact that I wasn't in the mood already in the first place, I was practically a very unhappy human.

And to Najwa, I know you're damn worried about Interact, but honestly, you don't have to worry that much. Interact will be Interact, personal matters will stay personal. Even if Narishma and I are still in the midst of war, which thankfully is over I guess, I won't let personal matters get into the way of work. Especially the fact I want SIGS's Interact club to succeed just as freaking much as you all do. So yeah, one part of the problem solved.

And to everybody, I hence officially apologize for making a huge commotion out of this, and you all can be relieved now, 'cos it's over.

***** And Najwa, I know it's selfish of me to ask you to make me cry. I had my reasons. And I think you know them really well.

Seriously, I never felt a rush of emotions similar to this ever before in my entire 15 years living on planet Earth. It's the effect of being a teenager, I can just freaking feel it.

I finally understand so many things that teenagers find so hard to solve and decide, yet the solution is plastered right on their faces.

I'm just sorry for my catty behaviour. Let's just face this, I'm a BITCH.

Since I started to appreciate life going through it as an ordinary teenager who doesn't think too much on the trials and tribulations of teenagedom, I had been becoming a total air-head and a dumb bimbo, or in easier words, turning LALA.

You know what? I want to say sorry, but seeing my entire blog post is going to be made up of 'sorries', and ending up sounding like a certain somebody, so yeah. And, sorry doesn't help in anything.

Sometimes I feel I resemble that person sometimes. Sigh.

And, I noticed you had been really quiet. Maybe it's 'cos you're fasting and you need to save the energy, or it may be 'cos of your flu, but seriously, you're getting a wee bit too quiet, and that's not the Najwa I exactly know. I'm actually intimidated by you to talk to you.

I'm..really afraid.

This isn't the first time this is happening.

So, if you need time alone, I don't mind, 'cos I think I'll just irritate and annoy the heck out of you.

*****Goshness, somebody please knock me on the head and bring me back to the world of sensibility and tolerance.

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