Agonized because I'm making the people who really care about me worried about me. A LOT.

Petrified because I AM petrified. The very same people that are around me are, too.

I am making these people worry over me.

They take my problems as their problems.

They let me rant and go on and on about my very redundant life. And listen too.

They cried with me when I was going through the hardest times of my journey through this evil yet as real as can be - reality.

I won't talk about my parents. They care, only they don't really make it really obvious. Which makes me misunderstand about them the whole time but, yeah, I'm learning.

Today, the wonderful spotlight goes to my piano teacher.

At first, I thought today was gonna be a class that's the same like the previous classes. Bang bang bang the keys, talk talk talk, correct mistakes and give comments, the like.

But, I finally broke down in front of her today.

Yes, I'm actually freak afraid I can't pass my practical for piano this year.

Unknown fact about this blogger - I really need to get the best grades possible for my piano exams so that I can be a certified piano teacher to get some extra duckets for my family, and nobody's pressuring me to get a distinction for a must, instead I'm pushing myself to go for the best. (I guess this is what SIGS does partly to you, harhar.) It's not like we're loaded you know, there's tons of finances to think about, and I wanna help lighten this burden for my parents, by earning my own pocket money to fund myself, while they can use that amount of money to settle more important issues.

I already failed last year, and I never realized it, but I'm actually traumatized by my past experience of sitting for my Grade 5 practical and failed for playing something I did not.

I understand that luck plays a part in the grading too, but I just couldn't believe I was just THAT unlucky.

I had really depended on pure luck for the past 15 years of my life, I actually found myself pretty lucky indeed.

But till last year, not anymore.

She really counselled me about the whole issue, and she cried too.

I'm sorry I made her cried.

But it wasn't as bad as me. And hoyeah, I seriously do not cry a lot. I never believed in the concept of crying. I always thought it makes me look weak, and the always paranoid me am always afraid that everybody in this world would find it easy to manipulate me and look down on my abilities.

Till this year that is, I now know crying is a way to release some bottled-up emotions.

A mucho gracias to her for being there for me, and for believing in me. I'll seriously find time, even if I have to practise in the middle of the night to make you proud of me. And to let you know you're not wrong in having faith in me.

*****And yes, I realized I'm not in camp like I should be.

I fainted right as I stepped out from my house, burning hotter than hot.

Turns out I had a super high fever, and camp is cancelled for me.

So here I am, blogging and now signing out to regenerate some new brain cells that got burnt and perished in the heat.

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

Agonized because I'm making the people who really care about me worried about me. A LOT.

Petrified because I AM petrified. The very same people that are around me are, too.

I am making these people worry over me.

They take my problems as their problems.

They let me rant and go on and on about my very redundant life. And listen too.

They cried with me when I was going through the hardest times of my journey through this evil yet as real as can be - reality.

I won't talk about my parents. They care, only they don't really make it really obvious. Which makes me misunderstand about them the whole time but, yeah, I'm learning.

Today, the wonderful spotlight goes to my piano teacher.

At first, I thought today was gonna be a class that's the same like the previous classes. Bang bang bang the keys, talk talk talk, correct mistakes and give comments, the like.

But, I finally broke down in front of her today.

Yes, I'm actually freak afraid I can't pass my practical for piano this year.

Unknown fact about this blogger - I really need to get the best grades possible for my piano exams so that I can be a certified piano teacher to get some extra duckets for my family, and nobody's pressuring me to get a distinction for a must, instead I'm pushing myself to go for the best. (I guess this is what SIGS does partly to you, harhar.) It's not like we're loaded you know, there's tons of finances to think about, and I wanna help lighten this burden for my parents, by earning my own pocket money to fund myself, while they can use that amount of money to settle more important issues.

I already failed last year, and I never realized it, but I'm actually traumatized by my past experience of sitting for my Grade 5 practical and failed for playing something I did not.

I understand that luck plays a part in the grading too, but I just couldn't believe I was just THAT unlucky.

I had really depended on pure luck for the past 15 years of my life, I actually found myself pretty lucky indeed.

But till last year, not anymore.

She really counselled me about the whole issue, and she cried too.

I'm sorry I made her cried.

But it wasn't as bad as me. And hoyeah, I seriously do not cry a lot. I never believed in the concept of crying. I always thought it makes me look weak, and the always paranoid me am always afraid that everybody in this world would find it easy to manipulate me and look down on my abilities.

Till this year that is, I now know crying is a way to release some bottled-up emotions.

A mucho gracias to her for being there for me, and for believing in me. I'll seriously find time, even if I have to practise in the middle of the night to make you proud of me. And to let you know you're not wrong in having faith in me.

*****And yes, I realized I'm not in camp like I should be.

I fainted right as I stepped out from my house, burning hotter than hot.

Turns out I had a super high fever, and camp is cancelled for me.

So here I am, blogging and now signing out to regenerate some new brain cells that got burnt and perished in the heat.

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