And I decided to cut the seams of them stitches open at last.

Frankly, I'm not the sort to complain a hell lot on stuff in my life and I never whined since primary, but yes, it's coming back to me again.

Since entering high school, the image that the VAST majority people thought of me was a happy go lucky person who's super optimistic and goes through practically everything in life like a breeze.

And sadly, of myself, yes I am, I still am like that till now.

In Form 1, I was in a clique in school. Maybe clique is not the right word, but yeah, a group of close knitted friends, and I thought I had some friends at last.

Form 2 instead brings me the memories of sitting alone in front of the teacher's table for a year and leaving the group as I had a lot of soul searching to do. I mean, I wasn't being myself in school and I feel bloody falarking fake.

Yes, sue me, eat me, whatever. I'm a total loser back in those days.

Now, in Form 3 brings me friends again, but this time I'm solely being myself.

But being myself now, a whole shit load of people in school are going loco over it.

Get over it.

I like who I am.

I ALWAYS did.

No more talking to the human that looks and thinks exactly like me in the mirror about my problems.

Honestly, I never did that for quite some time already, I really thought I found some great peeps in school.

But also honestly, I don't feel very friendly either to you guys.

You know, now the people who I can actually call them a friend is only a few, oh yes, very few indeed. And it's not even who you might think it is.

And now, presenting the real confessions.

I'M SICK OF HELPING YOU GUYS LIKE SOME SOFT HEARTED BRAINLESS GIRAFFE, I always say no actually, but I still help you guys out, whether it's information on school homework or school activities, or just some plain old minor issues that needs cleaning out.

WHAT YOU GUYS DO TO ME IS, whenever I ask nicely, you guys just shun me off like I'm dust flying into your eyes. I just want to know certain stuff about homework, is it wrong just to share some information with me? Sure, you all may be busy studying and doing your thing and all, but truthfully it's like so falarking selfish of you guys. I'm sick of being nice already.

Yeah, from the more mature people that are reading my blog, this is reality. I totally knew that.

But it's still people I have to meet and see and interact and talk to everyday in school. Why is it that you guys are so obsessed with the thought of being ahead of everybody? I mean that isn't bad, I understand everybody wants self-improvement and to be the best among the rest, but you are even willing to backstab and use your own friends in your own gang to achieve your goals to be NUMBER ONE.

If that's the case, let me honestly ask you guys this simple question(s), really.

What does the word friend mean to you?

Do you think the friends you have now are truly your friends?

Do you think you had been a real friend to your friend(s)?

Well, I might like to advise you, that you should consider and really think about your friends and whether they ARE your friends.

Or not.

*****
Speaking about friends, I really don't want to mention any names, least that this innocent blog of mine purely just with the simple mission to deliver my thoughts and opinions to the world (and as a ranting space and a journal as well) gets a bad name for something I did not mean at all. Quoting my mumsie dear, which she said in Chinese but I'm just gonna roughly translate it here,

"They say women are the most 'poisonous'(cunning, sly) creatures on Earth, that even real poison could not even fight or compare with, but actually the most poisonous thing on this Earth is actually the HUMAN MOUTH."

Yes, I definitely agree.

The mouth can say anything it wants. At least the owner of that mouth chooses what to say anyway.

It could be good, but the thing is, it's really used for the most evil of issues.

Rumours.

Stories.

Untruths.

Lies.

Those who do all this kind of inhumane stuff, shame on you.

I had been a victim of this for I-don't-know-how-many-times already.

But the worst yet had to be when somebody told my Maths teacher that I said her teaching is sucky and I do not dare to ask her questions on Maths because I'm too scared to do so.

She gave me a place in hell to live in, she was so convinced I did it.

Well, to that person, I'll never know who you are I guess, but you know what, it won't do you any good passing rumours about me, because it doesn't bring any benefits to you.

Yeah sure, you might be smirking there whenever I get a sarcastic remark or rude comments on my by the teacher, but in the end it still brings you no good.

By doing this will you ever be a successful person?

By doing this, will it secure you straight As' in your examinations and a high post when you step into the working world, as reality cruelly shows all the time?

No.

It's still your own effort to work hard and succeed, and even if you do get me in trouble which you already did, if you don't work for it, still your loss, my dear.

*****
It's sad how I'm losing the people I quite know them as friends.

Guys, you know who you are, since you're an avid reader(s) of my blog, but maybe no more, but if there's any problems can you just discuss it with me? I'm still the same, really, despite me hanging out with the people we said we never really liked, by terms of their attitude problems.

I'm just trying to stay on the neutral side, really.

*****
And now I just realized 99.99% of my real friends are people outside of SIGS.

It's either we can really click with the same interests and I don't have to really give a fake smile each time I see them, or I really respect them like hell on their way of self-expression and their outlook on how to live life.

And I'm glad I know people like these.

Because it's plainly because of them, I'm still living life like a completely sane person who's actually this close to insanity.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

                                                   

It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

And I decided to cut the seams of them stitches open at last.

Frankly, I'm not the sort to complain a hell lot on stuff in my life and I never whined since primary, but yes, it's coming back to me again.

Since entering high school, the image that the VAST majority people thought of me was a happy go lucky person who's super optimistic and goes through practically everything in life like a breeze.

And sadly, of myself, yes I am, I still am like that till now.

In Form 1, I was in a clique in school. Maybe clique is not the right word, but yeah, a group of close knitted friends, and I thought I had some friends at last.

Form 2 instead brings me the memories of sitting alone in front of the teacher's table for a year and leaving the group as I had a lot of soul searching to do. I mean, I wasn't being myself in school and I feel bloody falarking fake.

Yes, sue me, eat me, whatever. I'm a total loser back in those days.

Now, in Form 3 brings me friends again, but this time I'm solely being myself.

But being myself now, a whole shit load of people in school are going loco over it.

Get over it.

I like who I am.

I ALWAYS did.

No more talking to the human that looks and thinks exactly like me in the mirror about my problems.

Honestly, I never did that for quite some time already, I really thought I found some great peeps in school.

But also honestly, I don't feel very friendly either to you guys.

You know, now the people who I can actually call them a friend is only a few, oh yes, very few indeed. And it's not even who you might think it is.

And now, presenting the real confessions.

I'M SICK OF HELPING YOU GUYS LIKE SOME SOFT HEARTED BRAINLESS GIRAFFE, I always say no actually, but I still help you guys out, whether it's information on school homework or school activities, or just some plain old minor issues that needs cleaning out.

WHAT YOU GUYS DO TO ME IS, whenever I ask nicely, you guys just shun me off like I'm dust flying into your eyes. I just want to know certain stuff about homework, is it wrong just to share some information with me? Sure, you all may be busy studying and doing your thing and all, but truthfully it's like so falarking selfish of you guys. I'm sick of being nice already.

Yeah, from the more mature people that are reading my blog, this is reality. I totally knew that.

But it's still people I have to meet and see and interact and talk to everyday in school. Why is it that you guys are so obsessed with the thought of being ahead of everybody? I mean that isn't bad, I understand everybody wants self-improvement and to be the best among the rest, but you are even willing to backstab and use your own friends in your own gang to achieve your goals to be NUMBER ONE.

If that's the case, let me honestly ask you guys this simple question(s), really.

What does the word friend mean to you?

Do you think the friends you have now are truly your friends?

Do you think you had been a real friend to your friend(s)?

Well, I might like to advise you, that you should consider and really think about your friends and whether they ARE your friends.

Or not.

*****
Speaking about friends, I really don't want to mention any names, least that this innocent blog of mine purely just with the simple mission to deliver my thoughts and opinions to the world (and as a ranting space and a journal as well) gets a bad name for something I did not mean at all. Quoting my mumsie dear, which she said in Chinese but I'm just gonna roughly translate it here,

"They say women are the most 'poisonous'(cunning, sly) creatures on Earth, that even real poison could not even fight or compare with, but actually the most poisonous thing on this Earth is actually the HUMAN MOUTH."

Yes, I definitely agree.

The mouth can say anything it wants. At least the owner of that mouth chooses what to say anyway.

It could be good, but the thing is, it's really used for the most evil of issues.

Rumours.

Stories.

Untruths.

Lies.

Those who do all this kind of inhumane stuff, shame on you.

I had been a victim of this for I-don't-know-how-many-times already.

But the worst yet had to be when somebody told my Maths teacher that I said her teaching is sucky and I do not dare to ask her questions on Maths because I'm too scared to do so.

She gave me a place in hell to live in, she was so convinced I did it.

Well, to that person, I'll never know who you are I guess, but you know what, it won't do you any good passing rumours about me, because it doesn't bring any benefits to you.

Yeah sure, you might be smirking there whenever I get a sarcastic remark or rude comments on my by the teacher, but in the end it still brings you no good.

By doing this will you ever be a successful person?

By doing this, will it secure you straight As' in your examinations and a high post when you step into the working world, as reality cruelly shows all the time?

No.

It's still your own effort to work hard and succeed, and even if you do get me in trouble which you already did, if you don't work for it, still your loss, my dear.

*****
It's sad how I'm losing the people I quite know them as friends.

Guys, you know who you are, since you're an avid reader(s) of my blog, but maybe no more, but if there's any problems can you just discuss it with me? I'm still the same, really, despite me hanging out with the people we said we never really liked, by terms of their attitude problems.

I'm just trying to stay on the neutral side, really.

*****
And now I just realized 99.99% of my real friends are people outside of SIGS.

It's either we can really click with the same interests and I don't have to really give a fake smile each time I see them, or I really respect them like hell on their way of self-expression and their outlook on how to live life.

And I'm glad I know people like these.

Because it's plainly because of them, I'm still living life like a completely sane person who's actually this close to insanity.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment