Yes yes, here is the update which some of you were constantly craving on. Haha.

I'm in a major case of mood swings. One minute I'm a happy, don't care about the troubles of life student, another minute I'm all moody, unable to smile, think positive thoughts, and go all freakingly negative in my head. And all of you people wonder why the hell I have countless white hair growing from the scalp of my head.

You guys will never know. How left out I feel, not only in school among my 'peers', but same old same old occurs at home too. It really seems that nobody ever wants to listen to my opinions and pay any attention to me. Am I invisible to you people or what? Or secretly in your heads you think I'm basically a very plain uncool and don't deserve to hang with you guys (for my friends in school, though I'm reconsidering whether the term 'friends' seem apropriate at all) and I'm a lazy unhappy girl who can never be the family girl and is always portrayed as the black sheep of the family? And to be honest, I had thought of whether I was an adopted kid or if my parents brought the wrong baby home, cos I'm a totally different person from my family. Then again, everybody says I look like my mum and have the same smile as my bro and have the same temper as my dad, so..Cross that one out for the time being. And to think of it, people that I hate in school or anywhere has me starting to behave like them slightly, whether it's a minor habit or the way they talk. The word 'mean' came from a certain prefect, 'the world is against me' came from my former primary school classmate. What in the world is happening to me. I have seriously no idea at all. No idea.

I am always thinking of what to do with my life. I constanly push myself to be the perfect little daughter with the perfect grades and achievements with a gang of great and could be trusted friends. Yes yes, I hear some of you saying that nobody's perfect in this world, but yes, I can't and won't listen. I pressure myself to excel in different fields of work and hobbies, just to find some hidden talent or anything that could make me stand out from everyone else. It just makes me feel inferior to people who don't have to do anything special and they just naturally get noticed by people. This is one part of my horoscope which I believe in and it still affects me. People born under the star sign of Taurus are attention-craving people, who needs people noticing them all the time. May not apply to some people, but hell yeah does it ever apply all it's magical properties to me.

I keep on placing this thought in my head that I could never fit in with anybody. I can never keep up with the latest news. I can never, NEVER get myself to act like myself in front of other people. I can split my personality into how may pieces as I like. In front of schoolmates, in front of my family, in front of my music peers, in front of people I meet in shopping complexes, in front of the mirror in my room at home. Think I'm mad or whatever, I have the habit of talking to myself in front of the mirror. I also talk to inanimate objects at home just to keep myself company. I find myself the best company I could have ever known. Cos only my reflection knows all that itty bitty weeny details going on in my head, my life, my status in this world, in this form, in this voice. Yes, to think I keep on going on and on about Fathini talking to herself, but yeah, this is me.

Actually, I'm really proud of myself. I did so many things that only I, and I will know in this lifetime as me, Kuala Lumpur. And never will I reveal anymore personal matters to anybody. Cos I just realized that actually, in the end..








I could only trust myself.

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

Yes yes, here is the update which some of you were constantly craving on. Haha.

I'm in a major case of mood swings. One minute I'm a happy, don't care about the troubles of life student, another minute I'm all moody, unable to smile, think positive thoughts, and go all freakingly negative in my head. And all of you people wonder why the hell I have countless white hair growing from the scalp of my head.

You guys will never know. How left out I feel, not only in school among my 'peers', but same old same old occurs at home too. It really seems that nobody ever wants to listen to my opinions and pay any attention to me. Am I invisible to you people or what? Or secretly in your heads you think I'm basically a very plain uncool and don't deserve to hang with you guys (for my friends in school, though I'm reconsidering whether the term 'friends' seem apropriate at all) and I'm a lazy unhappy girl who can never be the family girl and is always portrayed as the black sheep of the family? And to be honest, I had thought of whether I was an adopted kid or if my parents brought the wrong baby home, cos I'm a totally different person from my family. Then again, everybody says I look like my mum and have the same smile as my bro and have the same temper as my dad, so..Cross that one out for the time being. And to think of it, people that I hate in school or anywhere has me starting to behave like them slightly, whether it's a minor habit or the way they talk. The word 'mean' came from a certain prefect, 'the world is against me' came from my former primary school classmate. What in the world is happening to me. I have seriously no idea at all. No idea.

I am always thinking of what to do with my life. I constanly push myself to be the perfect little daughter with the perfect grades and achievements with a gang of great and could be trusted friends. Yes yes, I hear some of you saying that nobody's perfect in this world, but yes, I can't and won't listen. I pressure myself to excel in different fields of work and hobbies, just to find some hidden talent or anything that could make me stand out from everyone else. It just makes me feel inferior to people who don't have to do anything special and they just naturally get noticed by people. This is one part of my horoscope which I believe in and it still affects me. People born under the star sign of Taurus are attention-craving people, who needs people noticing them all the time. May not apply to some people, but hell yeah does it ever apply all it's magical properties to me.

I keep on placing this thought in my head that I could never fit in with anybody. I can never keep up with the latest news. I can never, NEVER get myself to act like myself in front of other people. I can split my personality into how may pieces as I like. In front of schoolmates, in front of my family, in front of my music peers, in front of people I meet in shopping complexes, in front of the mirror in my room at home. Think I'm mad or whatever, I have the habit of talking to myself in front of the mirror. I also talk to inanimate objects at home just to keep myself company. I find myself the best company I could have ever known. Cos only my reflection knows all that itty bitty weeny details going on in my head, my life, my status in this world, in this form, in this voice. Yes, to think I keep on going on and on about Fathini talking to herself, but yeah, this is me.

Actually, I'm really proud of myself. I did so many things that only I, and I will know in this lifetime as me, Kuala Lumpur. And never will I reveal anymore personal matters to anybody. Cos I just realized that actually, in the end..








I could only trust myself.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment