I managed to change the layout of my blog again within a day of using the previous one. What's even more amazing, or maybe not so, I intend to apply a new blogskin tomorrow because I'm still not quite satisfied with how my blog looks. Editing HTML and CSS codes will start tomorrow.

It's not only the start of a new year in about two hours, it's also the start of a brand new decade.

I don't really have resolutions for the new year, truthfully. There are only two things I need to focus on - my physical health and my emotional health. It sounds simple to you, perhaps. I actually find this quite a challenge to me.

For 2011, I'm restarting Project 365. I abandoned it within a week of posting bad quality photos earlier in January, due to the chaos of being a fifth former and the absence of a working digital camera. I will share the link with everyone soon.

2010 sure has been one crazy year. Only half a year as a fifth former, and other half was spent battling lymphoma. Either way, life was insanely hectic, and still is.

All I want for 2011 is for my family, friends and loved ones to be healthy and happy.

Happy New Year everyone.

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©1000dreamcatchers.
Dreams. Everyone have dreams. Big dreams, small dreams, it doesn't matter. In the end, dreams are still dreams, regardless of any internal or external factor.

When you see the word 'dream', which of its many meanings first pop up in your mind?


Do you first think of a dream as an occurrence when you're asleep? A series of still or moving images depicting both fantasy and reality, whether in technicolour or in shades of black and white?

Or do you think about daydreams instead? Daydreams that normally give you a form of pleasure and happiness, thinking about both the possible and the impossible happening?

It doesn't matter, really. The point is, do you know what is so wonderful about dreams?

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©bellelovely.

• I honestly think that the many blogs I visit have really awesome yet simple layouts. This causes me to be nearly always dissatisfied with my own layout.
• My blog looks better when viewed with my laptop than the desktop.
  
• 2010 is already going to end in a matter of days.
  
• I am going to restart Project 365 in the coming new year.
• I would really appreciate proper advice on buying a DSLR and some enlightenment on the basics. It's a major investment, and I have no intention to let my future DSLR rot in a corner of my room because I don't know how to use it well.
• I'm sick of figuring out titles for my entries.
  
• I have a lot to say, but I just don't know how to put them into words right now.

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©Emmy.Leah.
Since I started treatment for lymphoma, I realised that my hormones are seriously getting more fucked up by the day.

I used to be really good at controlling my feelings and emotions. Even if I'm boiling mad at something/someone, I won't lose my temper. Even if I'm sad or upset, I'll hold back those tears until I'm all alone by myself.

Now, I can flare up easily for no particular reason. It's like a major case of PMS. Only the thing is, I have the 'chance' to endure PMS every single day.

Now, I shed tears immediately on the spot before having an opportunity to hide myself and then cry my heart out. If there is one thing I really dislike, it's crying in the presence of people. It doesn't matter whether I know that person or not, I just feel uncomfortable crying in public.

I feel bad that the people around me have to endure the full blast of my crazy and unexpected mood swings. Especially my family members.

I also realised that having all these pent-up emotions inside of me and not filtering them out will cause me to express myself very freely online, causing slight distress and unnecessary worry in both my blogs and also Facebook.

But, I have to admit. It was, and always is, nice to be reassured once in a while. It reminds me that there are people who sincerely care for me, and love me for me. I appreciate knowing these people, and having them in my life. Thank you, you and you. I don't need to name everyone, because you'll know who you are. And I don't want to risk missing out any names either.

I'll recover in no time - physically and emotionally. (:

Generally, everybody wants to be acknowledged of their effort in something. Or their status. I don't like leaving people out, nor ignoring them - whether by accident or on purpose. I truly believe that if I want to be treated well, I have to treat others the same way.

I have my own beliefs and principles. No matter how much you don't like this particular person, even if you're a good friend, if I find that he or she is alright thus far, then I'll be nice to him or her. I'll only be what people consider as 'mean' if that particular person let me down and/or hurt me in any way- physically or emotionally. I don't need that kind of people in my life. I have gone through enough without needing the excess baggage dragging me down.

A random thought passed through my mind before, and it wasn't only once, but more than that. I'd asked myself,


So far, I would always choose the latter.

I hate being involved in emotional conflicts. It tires me out so. Since I was a kid, I'd always been a sensitive person. Being oversensitive has gotten me into a lot of problems, but this oversensitivity of mine is normally correct when it comes to personal instincts.

I hate emotional drama, but ask anyone out there who knows me, and they'll tell you that I'm a born drama mama. Ironic much.

Oh well, you can't deny that life itself is full of ironies.

Cheers.

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©Matthew Stone.
To most of you, I have been MIA from the online world. I have my reasons though.

Truthfully, I just wanted to escape from the outside world a bit. This might sound strange to you, because since I'm still pretty much isolated from civilisation - basically wanting to know the ins and outs and keeping in sync with what my friends are up to should be what I'm constantly doing to make me feel included.

Yes, I'm not afraid to admit it. I feel very left out.

If that isn't the worst of things, my hopes of me being cancer-free after my last chemotherapy session were shattered the moment I went for my PET scan last Friday - bringing me both bad news and good news.



It took me a few days to get over it. Miraculously, I got my head back and I will be undergoing radiotherapy starting from next Monday onwards if everything works out smoothly. Treatment will be done in Johor Bahru, by the way, and not in Malacca. Since radiotherapy has to be done everyday at a fixed time, it is impossible for my parents and I to literally 'camp out at the hospital in Malacca everyday', quoting my doctor in Malacca.

So unfortunately, I'm nowhere near freedom yet. I owe a lot of my friends outings after SPM, like what I had promised them. And I'm really sorry to say, I'm unable to fulfil any of those promises for now. Not till I'm officially cancer-free, which might take a few more months, to be honest. My sincerest apologies, friends.

Life has been hectic and chaotic, as always. However, I do promise I'll respond to whatever notifications I have on Facebook real soon, even if it's already stale news to the rest of you.

I'll be back with another update soon, hopefully. Apparently, keeping all these negative emotions inside of me is very unhealthy for me being a cancer patient. I'll have to blog here often to express myself in the most positive manner possible and keep myself sane.

Cheers.

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©leilockheart.

• I have no idea what's going on in Facebook, I haven't logged in for more than a week now. I apologise for my lack of responses recently.
  
• Paranoia is this close to killing me. Nobody is expecting me to do extremely well for SPM, but I expect myself to.
  
• My mother believes that me setting high standards for myself is one of the factors of me getting cancer. I need to be more careful with my thoughts and emotions. It's hard though when SPM is like, next week.
  
• I haven't learnt shit from the past two years of being in Upper Secondary. I was more enlightened in the past two months than the past two years by self-studying.
  
• Honestly, I don't know what the hell I'd been doing before all this cancer shit happened.
  
• Actually, come to think of it, I do. School, school, sleep, school, school, school, tuition, school. Oh yeah, have I mentioned school?
  
• I regret not taking my studies seriously till now.
  
• My hormones are fucked up no thanks to the oral hormone meds I have been taking throughout treatment. I have more mood swings than the number of times it has been raining this week.
  
• I have every intention to continue my post-SPM activity list after SPM.
• I also have every intention to make my Wordpress blog my private online diary.
  

All the best to all of us fifth formers in Malaysia sitting for SPM starting from next Tuesday onwards. See you in December!

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Cai Ling,

It's been hard on you. It pains me to hear news of you being harassed like this. And the fact that I'm miles away from you, not being to do much but only offer you words of support and encouragement - pains me even more.

I wish I could give you a big bear hug, and tell you that everything is going to be okay. I wish I can be right by your side, and reassure you that despite the shit that have been happening to you, we as your close friends in Malaysia will always give you the unconditional love and support for you to survive whatever ordeal that you have to face.

It sucks to be taken advantage of like that, really. You have no idea how the guys and I would love to torture and mutilate teach him a lesson, make sure he remembers that doing the same thing to you or in fact, any other girl out there will have him feel like his life is like living hell on planet Earth.

Ling, please take good care of yourself and be wary of jerks. Stay strong alright. You know you can trust me with anything. I'm here for you if you want to confide in me. That applies to the rest of us too.

Still my favourite photograph of all of us.

We love you, Ling. ♥
Sincerely,
Leonie, your one and only LSP.

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Post-SPM Activity #4:
Learn how to play a traditional Chinese musical instrument.
-Erhu Music, ©Geishaninja.-

I'm very proud of my Chinese roots. Yes, I am highly aware that I'm only able to speak simple Chinese and I only know how to read and write simple Chinese words. By the way, I intend to learn the language properly after SPM. This will be further elaborated in a separate post.

Honestly, if I could, I would love to learn to play as many musical instruments as possible. I believe that life is a continuous journey of learning, so I really want to learn as many things as possible till the day I depart to another world.

Of course, I shall not be too greedy. I will start off slow.

The first Chinese musical instrument I would like to pick up is the erhu. It's very hard to describe in words, really - but I had always been fascinated by the sounds an erhu makes. It's beautiful, in a way that isn't physical, but it just enchants me somehow. It made me appreciate the beauty of traditional Chinese music.

The late Yasmin Ahmad's film Talentime also played a major part in me wanting to take up this instrument. It's the scene when Hafiz played his guitar and sang to Pete Teo's I Go, accompanied by Kahoe playing his erhu. I cried in the cinema watching that scene. I really love this song, both the English and Malay versions. The guitar and the erhu music blended harmoniously. To hear music like this is really..amazing.


If I could, I would love to learn how to play the guzheng and the dizi as well. I wonder if classes are available in this area.

Labels: Post-SPM 2010 To-Do List

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

I managed to change the layout of my blog again within a day of using the previous one. What's even more amazing, or maybe not so, I intend to apply a new blogskin tomorrow because I'm still not quite satisfied with how my blog looks. Editing HTML and CSS codes will start tomorrow.

It's not only the start of a new year in about two hours, it's also the start of a brand new decade.

I don't really have resolutions for the new year, truthfully. There are only two things I need to focus on - my physical health and my emotional health. It sounds simple to you, perhaps. I actually find this quite a challenge to me.

For 2011, I'm restarting Project 365. I abandoned it within a week of posting bad quality photos earlier in January, due to the chaos of being a fifth former and the absence of a working digital camera. I will share the link with everyone soon.

2010 sure has been one crazy year. Only half a year as a fifth former, and other half was spent battling lymphoma. Either way, life was insanely hectic, and still is.

All I want for 2011 is for my family, friends and loved ones to be healthy and happy.

Happy New Year everyone.

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©1000dreamcatchers.
Dreams. Everyone have dreams. Big dreams, small dreams, it doesn't matter. In the end, dreams are still dreams, regardless of any internal or external factor.

When you see the word 'dream', which of its many meanings first pop up in your mind?


Do you first think of a dream as an occurrence when you're asleep? A series of still or moving images depicting both fantasy and reality, whether in technicolour or in shades of black and white?

Or do you think about daydreams instead? Daydreams that normally give you a form of pleasure and happiness, thinking about both the possible and the impossible happening?

It doesn't matter, really. The point is, do you know what is so wonderful about dreams?

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

©bellelovely.

• I honestly think that the many blogs I visit have really awesome yet simple layouts. This causes me to be nearly always dissatisfied with my own layout.
• My blog looks better when viewed with my laptop than the desktop.
  
• 2010 is already going to end in a matter of days.
  
• I am going to restart Project 365 in the coming new year.
• I would really appreciate proper advice on buying a DSLR and some enlightenment on the basics. It's a major investment, and I have no intention to let my future DSLR rot in a corner of my room because I don't know how to use it well.
• I'm sick of figuring out titles for my entries.
  
• I have a lot to say, but I just don't know how to put them into words right now.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

©Emmy.Leah.
Since I started treatment for lymphoma, I realised that my hormones are seriously getting more fucked up by the day.

I used to be really good at controlling my feelings and emotions. Even if I'm boiling mad at something/someone, I won't lose my temper. Even if I'm sad or upset, I'll hold back those tears until I'm all alone by myself.

Now, I can flare up easily for no particular reason. It's like a major case of PMS. Only the thing is, I have the 'chance' to endure PMS every single day.

Now, I shed tears immediately on the spot before having an opportunity to hide myself and then cry my heart out. If there is one thing I really dislike, it's crying in the presence of people. It doesn't matter whether I know that person or not, I just feel uncomfortable crying in public.

I feel bad that the people around me have to endure the full blast of my crazy and unexpected mood swings. Especially my family members.

I also realised that having all these pent-up emotions inside of me and not filtering them out will cause me to express myself very freely online, causing slight distress and unnecessary worry in both my blogs and also Facebook.

But, I have to admit. It was, and always is, nice to be reassured once in a while. It reminds me that there are people who sincerely care for me, and love me for me. I appreciate knowing these people, and having them in my life. Thank you, you and you. I don't need to name everyone, because you'll know who you are. And I don't want to risk missing out any names either.

I'll recover in no time - physically and emotionally. (:

Generally, everybody wants to be acknowledged of their effort in something. Or their status. I don't like leaving people out, nor ignoring them - whether by accident or on purpose. I truly believe that if I want to be treated well, I have to treat others the same way.

I have my own beliefs and principles. No matter how much you don't like this particular person, even if you're a good friend, if I find that he or she is alright thus far, then I'll be nice to him or her. I'll only be what people consider as 'mean' if that particular person let me down and/or hurt me in any way- physically or emotionally. I don't need that kind of people in my life. I have gone through enough without needing the excess baggage dragging me down.

A random thought passed through my mind before, and it wasn't only once, but more than that. I'd asked myself,


So far, I would always choose the latter.

I hate being involved in emotional conflicts. It tires me out so. Since I was a kid, I'd always been a sensitive person. Being oversensitive has gotten me into a lot of problems, but this oversensitivity of mine is normally correct when it comes to personal instincts.

I hate emotional drama, but ask anyone out there who knows me, and they'll tell you that I'm a born drama mama. Ironic much.

Oh well, you can't deny that life itself is full of ironies.

Cheers.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

©Matthew Stone.
To most of you, I have been MIA from the online world. I have my reasons though.

Truthfully, I just wanted to escape from the outside world a bit. This might sound strange to you, because since I'm still pretty much isolated from civilisation - basically wanting to know the ins and outs and keeping in sync with what my friends are up to should be what I'm constantly doing to make me feel included.

Yes, I'm not afraid to admit it. I feel very left out.

If that isn't the worst of things, my hopes of me being cancer-free after my last chemotherapy session were shattered the moment I went for my PET scan last Friday - bringing me both bad news and good news.



It took me a few days to get over it. Miraculously, I got my head back and I will be undergoing radiotherapy starting from next Monday onwards if everything works out smoothly. Treatment will be done in Johor Bahru, by the way, and not in Malacca. Since radiotherapy has to be done everyday at a fixed time, it is impossible for my parents and I to literally 'camp out at the hospital in Malacca everyday', quoting my doctor in Malacca.

So unfortunately, I'm nowhere near freedom yet. I owe a lot of my friends outings after SPM, like what I had promised them. And I'm really sorry to say, I'm unable to fulfil any of those promises for now. Not till I'm officially cancer-free, which might take a few more months, to be honest. My sincerest apologies, friends.

Life has been hectic and chaotic, as always. However, I do promise I'll respond to whatever notifications I have on Facebook real soon, even if it's already stale news to the rest of you.

I'll be back with another update soon, hopefully. Apparently, keeping all these negative emotions inside of me is very unhealthy for me being a cancer patient. I'll have to blog here often to express myself in the most positive manner possible and keep myself sane.

Cheers.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

©leilockheart.

• I have no idea what's going on in Facebook, I haven't logged in for more than a week now. I apologise for my lack of responses recently.
  
• Paranoia is this close to killing me. Nobody is expecting me to do extremely well for SPM, but I expect myself to.
  
• My mother believes that me setting high standards for myself is one of the factors of me getting cancer. I need to be more careful with my thoughts and emotions. It's hard though when SPM is like, next week.
  
• I haven't learnt shit from the past two years of being in Upper Secondary. I was more enlightened in the past two months than the past two years by self-studying.
  
• Honestly, I don't know what the hell I'd been doing before all this cancer shit happened.
  
• Actually, come to think of it, I do. School, school, sleep, school, school, school, tuition, school. Oh yeah, have I mentioned school?
  
• I regret not taking my studies seriously till now.
  
• My hormones are fucked up no thanks to the oral hormone meds I have been taking throughout treatment. I have more mood swings than the number of times it has been raining this week.
  
• I have every intention to continue my post-SPM activity list after SPM.
• I also have every intention to make my Wordpress blog my private online diary.
  

All the best to all of us fifth formers in Malaysia sitting for SPM starting from next Tuesday onwards. See you in December!

1 comment(s):

Post a Comment

Cai Ling,

It's been hard on you. It pains me to hear news of you being harassed like this. And the fact that I'm miles away from you, not being to do much but only offer you words of support and encouragement - pains me even more.

I wish I could give you a big bear hug, and tell you that everything is going to be okay. I wish I can be right by your side, and reassure you that despite the shit that have been happening to you, we as your close friends in Malaysia will always give you the unconditional love and support for you to survive whatever ordeal that you have to face.

It sucks to be taken advantage of like that, really. You have no idea how the guys and I would love to torture and mutilate teach him a lesson, make sure he remembers that doing the same thing to you or in fact, any other girl out there will have him feel like his life is like living hell on planet Earth.

Ling, please take good care of yourself and be wary of jerks. Stay strong alright. You know you can trust me with anything. I'm here for you if you want to confide in me. That applies to the rest of us too.

Still my favourite photograph of all of us.

We love you, Ling. ♥
Sincerely,
Leonie, your one and only LSP.

2 comment(s):

Post a Comment

Post-SPM Activity #4:
Learn how to play a traditional Chinese musical instrument.
-Erhu Music, ©Geishaninja.-

I'm very proud of my Chinese roots. Yes, I am highly aware that I'm only able to speak simple Chinese and I only know how to read and write simple Chinese words. By the way, I intend to learn the language properly after SPM. This will be further elaborated in a separate post.

Honestly, if I could, I would love to learn to play as many musical instruments as possible. I believe that life is a continuous journey of learning, so I really want to learn as many things as possible till the day I depart to another world.

Of course, I shall not be too greedy. I will start off slow.

The first Chinese musical instrument I would like to pick up is the erhu. It's very hard to describe in words, really - but I had always been fascinated by the sounds an erhu makes. It's beautiful, in a way that isn't physical, but it just enchants me somehow. It made me appreciate the beauty of traditional Chinese music.

The late Yasmin Ahmad's film Talentime also played a major part in me wanting to take up this instrument. It's the scene when Hafiz played his guitar and sang to Pete Teo's I Go, accompanied by Kahoe playing his erhu. I cried in the cinema watching that scene. I really love this song, both the English and Malay versions. The guitar and the erhu music blended harmoniously. To hear music like this is really..amazing.


If I could, I would love to learn how to play the guzheng and the dizi as well. I wonder if classes are available in this area.

Labels: Post-SPM 2010 To-Do List

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