18:31
Saturday, 27 February 2010
Breaking the Bottle.
To be honest, life is so busy-making nowadays, and I know very well that my blog is pretty much dead. Not to mention my social life online as well. Homework is still pulling me down, as usual. It's already bad enough that I have horrible time management skills, and that I procrastinate too much. It doesn't help that when I look at a sum, or structure questions from a Science-related subject, I yawn instantaneously. Or, I just plain don't know how to do it. No seriously, I tried. I really did. I just can't get the answer to anything I'm doing at all. The impatient streak in me doesn't help me one bit either. I can't just sit down and work at just one thing for ages, unless it's something I'm familiar with or interested in. Which makes me conclude that I am officially the dumbest person I know right now. I feel guilty that I can't answer my friends' questions regarding solutions for homework, because I honestly have no idea to do them. I'm afraid they might think that I'm selfish with my knowledge, since apparently they believe that I'm very smart. Oh gawd, I appreciate how they look at me in such a great light, but I'm far from that, really. It makes me feel dumber when a teacher asks the class questions, and I'll just keep quiet while the rest of the class answers - correctly. I feel stupid, really.
I never felt that I'm particularly good in anything I do. I used to think that I was good in drawing.
Now that my classes are cancelled and with less practice, I can hardly draw anything reasonably well now.
I used to think that I was good in sports.
I'm slow in running, I can't do high jump nor long jump no more. I feel fat.
I used to think that I can play the piano reasonably well.
Classes are also cancelled for the time being, and I had not touched the keys for like, ages now. This is actually a crime in Anna's book. :(
I used to think that I can speak well in public.
Thanks to her, I lost my self-esteem in not only my way of speech, but everything else. Slowly regaining it back, but there's still a long way to go.
I used to think I had a lot of friends.
Now, I think, especially those who had known me since primary school, HATE me.
I can just feel it.
And I'm most probably going to get another earful for 'thinking too much'.
I'm not. I honestly truly feel it.
Maybe you guys don't realize it.
But I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and I feel that you guys are too good for me to speak out to.
I'm sorry if you're offended.
I'm just ranting and pouring out what's been bottled up for so long.I feel that I love my friends too much, expecting nothing except simple gestures of acknowledgment.
I hardly feel the love back from most of them.
I feel that I'm always in the wrong.
I would like to feel I'm right once in awhile too.
I feel that I'm nothing compared to you all.
I would like to feel appreciated as well.
I feel like I give in so much in many things.
But some of you are taking too much from me, it breaks me.
I feel like I have to consider the consequences of every action that I do, for fear of hurting you.
But do you try to put your feet in my shoes once in awhile, and consider mine?
Is it worthwhile being the good guy, just to get hurt in the end?
I don't know anymore.
Everybody feels stressed, frustrated, sad, uncared for.
Let me remind all of you.
It doesn't only apply to you guys.
I'm human too.
Can anybody ever understand that simple sentence?
Everyone wants to be loved.
Everyone deserves to be loved.
Not only you, you and you.
Me too.
So please,
stop stepping on my head,
and taking me for granted.
I have my faults,
thanks for generously pointing them out.
You guys have your flaws too.
Don't think that everything you guys do is right,
just because I'm considered nothing to you guys.
There's a limit to everything I'm doing.
I'm still nice,
three strikes and you ain't out yet.
Ten strikes perhaps.
I'll scream at your faces once any one of you crossed the line again.
Which is already too many times.
You decide.
Whether you're guilty or not.
I'm tired.
I don't want another drama to start just because of this.
I have the rights to express how I feel too.
You guys just never fail to forget that I'm just another homosapien.
And sorry, I can't be perfect.
The end.
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Hello there! You must have guessed by now – this is Leonie here, and I have no intention of boring you out with a long introduction of yours truly. I have to admit though – I’m quite an interesting individual; those who know me can confirm that, and those who don’t…I don’t mean to brag, but you’re definitely missing out!
Feel free to click here to get to know me a little bit better! No worries, I’m very friendly and I won’t bite!
Meanwhile,
enjoy reading the Fool in Frames!
Baring It All.
My name really is Leonie. It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.
I’m a cancer patient. I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.
Green is my favourite colour. Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.
I’m an art-appreciator. Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.
You’ll find me carrying a book to just about everywhere. I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!
I found out that I’m actually a left-hander. I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.
Taurus is my astrological sign. A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
I’m a born perfectionist. Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.
A natural drama queen. Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!
It’s a pleasure to learn and discover new things. It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.
Travelling around the world, participating in artistic photoshoots, performing in a band, writing a book… …are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!
When it comes to social relationships, the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.
Is there anything else you would like to know about me?Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth. It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!
18:31
Saturday, 27 February 2010
Breaking the Bottle.
To be honest, life is so busy-making nowadays, and I know very well that my blog is pretty much dead. Not to mention my social life online as well. Homework is still pulling me down, as usual. It's already bad enough that I have horrible time management skills, and that I procrastinate too much. It doesn't help that when I look at a sum, or structure questions from a Science-related subject, I yawn instantaneously. Or, I just plain don't know how to do it. No seriously, I tried. I really did. I just can't get the answer to anything I'm doing at all. The impatient streak in me doesn't help me one bit either. I can't just sit down and work at just one thing for ages, unless it's something I'm familiar with or interested in. Which makes me conclude that I am officially the dumbest person I know right now. I feel guilty that I can't answer my friends' questions regarding solutions for homework, because I honestly have no idea to do them. I'm afraid they might think that I'm selfish with my knowledge, since apparently they believe that I'm very smart. Oh gawd, I appreciate how they look at me in such a great light, but I'm far from that, really. It makes me feel dumber when a teacher asks the class questions, and I'll just keep quiet while the rest of the class answers - correctly. I feel stupid, really.
I never felt that I'm particularly good in anything I do. I used to think that I was good in drawing.
Now that my classes are cancelled and with less practice, I can hardly draw anything reasonably well now.
I used to think that I was good in sports.
I'm slow in running, I can't do high jump nor long jump no more. I feel fat.
I used to think that I can play the piano reasonably well.
Classes are also cancelled for the time being, and I had not touched the keys for like, ages now. This is actually a crime in Anna's book. :(
I used to think that I can speak well in public.
Thanks to her, I lost my self-esteem in not only my way of speech, but everything else. Slowly regaining it back, but there's still a long way to go.
I used to think I had a lot of friends.
Now, I think, especially those who had known me since primary school, HATE me.
I can just feel it.
And I'm most probably going to get another earful for 'thinking too much'.
I'm not. I honestly truly feel it.
Maybe you guys don't realize it.
But I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and I feel that you guys are too good for me to speak out to.
I'm sorry if you're offended.
I'm just ranting and pouring out what's been bottled up for so long.I feel that I love my friends too much, expecting nothing except simple gestures of acknowledgment.
I hardly feel the love back from most of them.
I feel that I'm always in the wrong.
I would like to feel I'm right once in awhile too.
I feel that I'm nothing compared to you all.
I would like to feel appreciated as well.
I feel like I give in so much in many things.
But some of you are taking too much from me, it breaks me.
I feel like I have to consider the consequences of every action that I do, for fear of hurting you.
But do you try to put your feet in my shoes once in awhile, and consider mine?
Is it worthwhile being the good guy, just to get hurt in the end?
I don't know anymore.
Everybody feels stressed, frustrated, sad, uncared for.
Let me remind all of you.
It doesn't only apply to you guys.
I'm human too.
Can anybody ever understand that simple sentence?
Everyone wants to be loved.
Everyone deserves to be loved.
Not only you, you and you.
Me too.
So please,
stop stepping on my head,
and taking me for granted.
I have my faults,
thanks for generously pointing them out.
You guys have your flaws too.
Don't think that everything you guys do is right,
just because I'm considered nothing to you guys.
There's a limit to everything I'm doing.
I'm still nice,
three strikes and you ain't out yet.
Ten strikes perhaps.
I'll scream at your faces once any one of you crossed the line again.
Which is already too many times.
You decide.
Whether you're guilty or not.
I'm tired.
I don't want another drama to start just because of this.
I have the rights to express how I feel too.
You guys just never fail to forget that I'm just another homosapien.
And sorry, I can't be perfect.
The end.
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Post a Comment
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