That's what she thought.

And still does, perhaps.

She vowed she would not get into the whole Twilight craze when it first started around the end of last year, when the first movie was just released.

She saw the books way before they became as famous as the release of a new Harry Potter book. But she never bought them, thinking that a typical teen romance wouldn't interest her anymore. The price also encouraged her from staying away, for the time being.


After her heart had been broken by her secret first, she thought she could never experience the emotion called love again.

But eventually, she did.

Or so she thought.

She knows that he really loves her. He really cares.

It isn't as complicated as her previous relationships. It's rather straight to the point, and he never gave her any doubts in this particular relationship.

Every time she saw him, she felt a sense of comfort.

She felt wanted.

She felt loved for.

All this which she find lacking in her soon-to-be broken home.

Everything she ever wanted all her life, he gave it to her.

Support, encouragement, a shoulder to lean on, somebody she can depend when she's going through storms and wars.

Bloodshed and fury.

Tears and laughter.

Joy and sadness.

Everything, and anything.

★

In the end, she decided to read 'Twilight' to try and understand what was the craze and obsession about.

What was it about this vampire that everybody loves? What is it with this forbidden love that got so many caught up with the storyline, craving for more, just as if they were vampires themselves, thirsting for more blood?

It was then, she got her questions answered. And then she was just as caught up with this tale as any other Twilight fan.

Who wouldn't want to be like Bella Swan, who was practically the reason to Edward's living on in the human world?

Who wouldn't want their loved one to climb into their room through their window, and spend the night in his arms, feeling safe and secure?

Who wouldn't want a good-looking vampire, who wouldn't age anymore with the passing of time, that only wishes for her safety and well-being?

And then, there comes Jacob Black. The childhood friend.

Who also loves Bella, who would do anything to protect her from harm, who keeps his promises to whom he treated as not only a best friend, but more than that.

Edward who wasn't there, also for the sake of Bella's safety, was always there in her thoughts.

As if he never existed? That was nearly impossible.

Jacob made her feel whole again. Jacob made the hole in her chest, that excruciating pain, numb - if not healed.

Moving on to the tale of Romeo and Juliet.

What if Juliet had gone to be with Paris instead of Romeo?

What if there was more to Paris?

What if Paris had been Juliet's friend? Her very best friend? What if he was the only one she could confide in the whole devastating thing with Romeo? The one person who really understood her and made her feel halfway human again? What if he was patient and kind? What if he took care of her? What if Juliet knew she couldn’t survive without him? What if he really loved her, and wanted her to be happy?

And...what if she loved Paris? Not like Romeo. Nothing like that, of course. But enough that she wanted him to be happy, too?

New Moon, Chapter 16: Paris, pages 370 – 371.
©Stephenie Meyer.

Between Jacob and Bella, it was a whole different story altogether.

Between a werewolf and a vampire, who would be her choice?

The person she loved, or the person she had known longer?

For Bella, she knew what she wanted.

And she broke his heart in the journey towards what she knew was happiness to her.

★And now, she is on to ‘New Moon’.

She felt lucky, perhaps. Because she wasn’t stuck in a love triangle as complicated as this.

Well, it could be because she don’t have many guys who would fight over her like Bella in the books and movies anyway.

In fact, she felt that she was too lucky.


He has both the amazing qualities of Edward and Jacob, qualities that many girls, if not every, would die for to have in their ideal boyfriend.


She was happy to have found such a guy. In fact, she was blessed.

She found him flawless, while he treated her like she was his very own Bella, satisfying both the Edward and Jacob in him.

So what else was it that was bothering her thoughts about him and her?

And it is to this point, that she knows what was wrong. Finally.

And it was all because she could sincerely relate her love life to Bella’s.

But in her case, the problem is just minor to many other average girls, who would probably go on a mob attack and pin her down, killing her in the process.

But she has to say this out. Now.

Before anyone else suffers from more pain.

The love she felt for him, wasn’t exactly what she could call romance.

She realized that kind of love died a long time ago, with her secret first. She had since never recovered.

She also made a mess with another, whom she gave her heart wholeheartedly to. Too much, in fact.

Her heart isn’t whole enough to accept his wonderful self.

She knew, she hasn’t completely healed from all these heartbreaks. And she knows, it just might stay that way.

But who knows what to expect from life? Anything can change. Everything is unpredictable.

She felt selfish, for she somehow felt she was almost using him to satisfy her loneliness. The multiple stabs in her heart from previous wounds.

It wasn’t her intention to act that way. All she thought of was to give him a chance when he asked. Love can be nurtured, she thought.

But now, being in too deep, she knew what’s her mistake now.

Because this is going to hurt him a lot. She knows that.

He has been through hardships and obstacles in his life too. He said she made his life so much better.

And she, as she thinks it through, she’ll be the reason of making his life hell again.

And she knows, apologizing won’t get her anywhere.

And with that, she is not really prepared to be hated by both his and her close friends who had supported the both of them.


To him, she doesn’t know how to face you, talk to you, speak to you. She's too ashamed now, after confiding the what seems to be the truth.

Going any further will increase the impact of the pain times infinity. And she’s doing this, because she doesn’t want you to be hurt this way, not after bringing her smiles, joy and laughter.

Would he stay and continue being her friend? She has no idea.

Knowing him, he would, but she doesn’t know what to expect.

And she will understand if he retreats from a possible friendship.

Call her stupid, call her selfish, call her anything vulgar or inappropriate.

She feels that she deserves it 110%.

Maybe she just need some time to heal. And this is for him too.

She would never dare to hurt him, never. It's too cruel, it's heartless, in fact.

But..she doesn't have much of a heart nowadays. It's been battered and lifeless now, staying in her body as if it was just a timepiece and historical item of yesteryears.

And there it shall stay, continuing to haunt her for what seems to be eternity.

*****Will this tale continue?

The ending though, is not for you to decide.

Nor me, as the writer either. I have no such power.

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

That's what she thought.

And still does, perhaps.

She vowed she would not get into the whole Twilight craze when it first started around the end of last year, when the first movie was just released.

She saw the books way before they became as famous as the release of a new Harry Potter book. But she never bought them, thinking that a typical teen romance wouldn't interest her anymore. The price also encouraged her from staying away, for the time being.


After her heart had been broken by her secret first, she thought she could never experience the emotion called love again.

But eventually, she did.

Or so she thought.

She knows that he really loves her. He really cares.

It isn't as complicated as her previous relationships. It's rather straight to the point, and he never gave her any doubts in this particular relationship.

Every time she saw him, she felt a sense of comfort.

She felt wanted.

She felt loved for.

All this which she find lacking in her soon-to-be broken home.

Everything she ever wanted all her life, he gave it to her.

Support, encouragement, a shoulder to lean on, somebody she can depend when she's going through storms and wars.

Bloodshed and fury.

Tears and laughter.

Joy and sadness.

Everything, and anything.

★

In the end, she decided to read 'Twilight' to try and understand what was the craze and obsession about.

What was it about this vampire that everybody loves? What is it with this forbidden love that got so many caught up with the storyline, craving for more, just as if they were vampires themselves, thirsting for more blood?

It was then, she got her questions answered. And then she was just as caught up with this tale as any other Twilight fan.

Who wouldn't want to be like Bella Swan, who was practically the reason to Edward's living on in the human world?

Who wouldn't want their loved one to climb into their room through their window, and spend the night in his arms, feeling safe and secure?

Who wouldn't want a good-looking vampire, who wouldn't age anymore with the passing of time, that only wishes for her safety and well-being?

And then, there comes Jacob Black. The childhood friend.

Who also loves Bella, who would do anything to protect her from harm, who keeps his promises to whom he treated as not only a best friend, but more than that.

Edward who wasn't there, also for the sake of Bella's safety, was always there in her thoughts.

As if he never existed? That was nearly impossible.

Jacob made her feel whole again. Jacob made the hole in her chest, that excruciating pain, numb - if not healed.

Moving on to the tale of Romeo and Juliet.

What if Juliet had gone to be with Paris instead of Romeo?

What if there was more to Paris?

What if Paris had been Juliet's friend? Her very best friend? What if he was the only one she could confide in the whole devastating thing with Romeo? The one person who really understood her and made her feel halfway human again? What if he was patient and kind? What if he took care of her? What if Juliet knew she couldn’t survive without him? What if he really loved her, and wanted her to be happy?

And...what if she loved Paris? Not like Romeo. Nothing like that, of course. But enough that she wanted him to be happy, too?

New Moon, Chapter 16: Paris, pages 370 – 371.
©Stephenie Meyer.

Between Jacob and Bella, it was a whole different story altogether.

Between a werewolf and a vampire, who would be her choice?

The person she loved, or the person she had known longer?

For Bella, she knew what she wanted.

And she broke his heart in the journey towards what she knew was happiness to her.

★And now, she is on to ‘New Moon’.

She felt lucky, perhaps. Because she wasn’t stuck in a love triangle as complicated as this.

Well, it could be because she don’t have many guys who would fight over her like Bella in the books and movies anyway.

In fact, she felt that she was too lucky.


He has both the amazing qualities of Edward and Jacob, qualities that many girls, if not every, would die for to have in their ideal boyfriend.


She was happy to have found such a guy. In fact, she was blessed.

She found him flawless, while he treated her like she was his very own Bella, satisfying both the Edward and Jacob in him.

So what else was it that was bothering her thoughts about him and her?

And it is to this point, that she knows what was wrong. Finally.

And it was all because she could sincerely relate her love life to Bella’s.

But in her case, the problem is just minor to many other average girls, who would probably go on a mob attack and pin her down, killing her in the process.

But she has to say this out. Now.

Before anyone else suffers from more pain.

The love she felt for him, wasn’t exactly what she could call romance.

She realized that kind of love died a long time ago, with her secret first. She had since never recovered.

She also made a mess with another, whom she gave her heart wholeheartedly to. Too much, in fact.

Her heart isn’t whole enough to accept his wonderful self.

She knew, she hasn’t completely healed from all these heartbreaks. And she knows, it just might stay that way.

But who knows what to expect from life? Anything can change. Everything is unpredictable.

She felt selfish, for she somehow felt she was almost using him to satisfy her loneliness. The multiple stabs in her heart from previous wounds.

It wasn’t her intention to act that way. All she thought of was to give him a chance when he asked. Love can be nurtured, she thought.

But now, being in too deep, she knew what’s her mistake now.

Because this is going to hurt him a lot. She knows that.

He has been through hardships and obstacles in his life too. He said she made his life so much better.

And she, as she thinks it through, she’ll be the reason of making his life hell again.

And she knows, apologizing won’t get her anywhere.

And with that, she is not really prepared to be hated by both his and her close friends who had supported the both of them.


To him, she doesn’t know how to face you, talk to you, speak to you. She's too ashamed now, after confiding the what seems to be the truth.

Going any further will increase the impact of the pain times infinity. And she’s doing this, because she doesn’t want you to be hurt this way, not after bringing her smiles, joy and laughter.

Would he stay and continue being her friend? She has no idea.

Knowing him, he would, but she doesn’t know what to expect.

And she will understand if he retreats from a possible friendship.

Call her stupid, call her selfish, call her anything vulgar or inappropriate.

She feels that she deserves it 110%.

Maybe she just need some time to heal. And this is for him too.

She would never dare to hurt him, never. It's too cruel, it's heartless, in fact.

But..she doesn't have much of a heart nowadays. It's been battered and lifeless now, staying in her body as if it was just a timepiece and historical item of yesteryears.

And there it shall stay, continuing to haunt her for what seems to be eternity.

*****Will this tale continue?

The ending though, is not for you to decide.

Nor me, as the writer either. I have no such power.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment