Day one.

Like how my previous entry had stated, I had been banned by my dad to go to school today.

He's mad enough about the fact that I had been falling sick every month this year, and personally I think that I had been burdening him with all the medical expenses at the clinic monthly.

I feel myself useless in that way.

Burdening my parents with sick weak me when they already have tons of other problems of their own to try and solve.

I just have to try and be a good daughter, and heal properly this time.

I'm tempted to delete my entry titled Rejected before any of them classmates or schoolmates see it, but I thought otherwise.

It's a phase in my life, and I'm going to try and get over it.

Only one person read that entry right after it got published.

And she knocked some good old sense into my throbbing head.

With me being all mopey and down like this, I tend to make those who really do care for me even more upset that they feel they can't do anything to help me.

Or, they will get tired of my pessimistic self and will leave me friendless, and there goes my last of friendships.

I myself do not like blogging about the downs in my life.

But I seriously have no idea where else to channel all that negativity to.

I had always wanted to blog about my everyday life like other teenagers, about how they have fun with their friends, their school, their happiness, their downs, and how they learn to stand up and continue living life throughout valuable lessons taught by different situations that are thrown to them.

Something I realized, there's too much unhappiness in this blog more than the happy things I do encounter in my life.

So, a new goal.

Blog about the happy and joyous matters in life that do bring a sincere smile and a banshee-like laughter more often, and when I do read these entries back, they will automatically put that needed smile back on my face.

She also mentioned something that really made me think twice about my usual practicality.

"You're emoing like you just got dumped by a boyfriend."
And I was pretty dumbfounded by how true that statement was.

I have never cared so much about boyfriend-girlfriend relationships before, and now I'm moping about something that is similar to that issue, but isn't.

Even to the point when this issue can reduce me to nothingness and tears.

It's easier not to brood about this matter when I don't have to see said particular someone in school today.

But yes, it does give me some much needed alone time to think things over and sort my thoughts out.

Day two will be much harder.

We'll see about then.

But for now, it's time to stop banging on the closed door and pick up enough courage to walk through that newly opened one.

And to those friends who had always stayed by my side throughout The Drama, and up till the very moments of now I hope, I'm sorry for my emotional and negative self.

Like she said, the least I can do is to repay you all back by being happy.

And yes, I shall try.

I will. (:

A very big thank you to her who had constantly been there for me and giving me advice throughout my years in high school.

She watched me grow up, and I do think she knows me better than I know myself.

You know who you are.

It's unfortunate I can't mention who, since even this had brought some jealousy into this particular relationship in school.

But you know I'm really grateful to you, for just being there.

Thank you.

And thank you to the friends who never judged me when I'm down in the dumps and looked like a miserly old Scrooge. ;)

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

Day one.

Like how my previous entry had stated, I had been banned by my dad to go to school today.

He's mad enough about the fact that I had been falling sick every month this year, and personally I think that I had been burdening him with all the medical expenses at the clinic monthly.

I feel myself useless in that way.

Burdening my parents with sick weak me when they already have tons of other problems of their own to try and solve.

I just have to try and be a good daughter, and heal properly this time.

I'm tempted to delete my entry titled Rejected before any of them classmates or schoolmates see it, but I thought otherwise.

It's a phase in my life, and I'm going to try and get over it.

Only one person read that entry right after it got published.

And she knocked some good old sense into my throbbing head.

With me being all mopey and down like this, I tend to make those who really do care for me even more upset that they feel they can't do anything to help me.

Or, they will get tired of my pessimistic self and will leave me friendless, and there goes my last of friendships.

I myself do not like blogging about the downs in my life.

But I seriously have no idea where else to channel all that negativity to.

I had always wanted to blog about my everyday life like other teenagers, about how they have fun with their friends, their school, their happiness, their downs, and how they learn to stand up and continue living life throughout valuable lessons taught by different situations that are thrown to them.

Something I realized, there's too much unhappiness in this blog more than the happy things I do encounter in my life.

So, a new goal.

Blog about the happy and joyous matters in life that do bring a sincere smile and a banshee-like laughter more often, and when I do read these entries back, they will automatically put that needed smile back on my face.

She also mentioned something that really made me think twice about my usual practicality.

"You're emoing like you just got dumped by a boyfriend."
And I was pretty dumbfounded by how true that statement was.

I have never cared so much about boyfriend-girlfriend relationships before, and now I'm moping about something that is similar to that issue, but isn't.

Even to the point when this issue can reduce me to nothingness and tears.

It's easier not to brood about this matter when I don't have to see said particular someone in school today.

But yes, it does give me some much needed alone time to think things over and sort my thoughts out.

Day two will be much harder.

We'll see about then.

But for now, it's time to stop banging on the closed door and pick up enough courage to walk through that newly opened one.

And to those friends who had always stayed by my side throughout The Drama, and up till the very moments of now I hope, I'm sorry for my emotional and negative self.

Like she said, the least I can do is to repay you all back by being happy.

And yes, I shall try.

I will. (:

A very big thank you to her who had constantly been there for me and giving me advice throughout my years in high school.

She watched me grow up, and I do think she knows me better than I know myself.

You know who you are.

It's unfortunate I can't mention who, since even this had brought some jealousy into this particular relationship in school.

But you know I'm really grateful to you, for just being there.

Thank you.

And thank you to the friends who never judged me when I'm down in the dumps and looked like a miserly old Scrooge. ;)

2 comment(s):

Post a Comment