A reflection of me,
she won't show what's within.
but am I doing justice at all,
to the her that stares right back at me?
Hello hello dear readers.

That's to the fact if I even do have any at this point, since it's been long since I'd updated.

Oh well, can't blame them.

But in any case, I do have this sudden urge to blog, since it had been one hectic week.

Like..sleeping at 5.00am in the morning and waking up at 6.30am on my school's IU Day? For the sake of finishing my Powerpoint presentation, my so-called speech, a couple of other scripts and the ticket registration list. So yesh, I do secretly hope deep inside that my presentation was appreciated at least, on that day, even if it's not up to standard.

But hey, I did it with much sincerity okay, what more sacrificing my beauty sleep for the entertainment of those who did come for IU, so I do expect a little bit of credit there aye.

Because I was honestly devastated when I received this particular comment right after my presentation that it was too short. You know who you are. I'm really sorry, but please, I was already so exhausted, and you expected it to be longer? Who would want to listen to me anyway?

Maybe it's my fault because it's really done on a last minute basis, but as if I had so much free time in my hands.

Sigh.

And yesh, I was so exhausted by the time I finished the Powerpoint, that I just gave up on my speech, and made some stuff up approximately..five minutes before my turn to speak during the event itself? Just ah-mazing isn't it. Pardon my crap then.

Knowing that I sucked in the Mexican Hat Dance didn't help at all. Thank gawd to the human that invented shorts. Bless you.

Enough about IU, I'm just glad it's over.

But no, there has to be more drama after something that major is over.

This is to all those who wanted to know the full story on why Leonie has been absent from school on Monday and Tuesday.

Right after four hours of tuition on Sunday, I fell sick.

It wasn't even just the normal flu virus or anything, but hell yeah, damn sick was I that day.

High fever that almost hit 40°C? Feeling darn cold in Malaysia's super humid and scorching weather?

Abnormal, that's for sure.

Had a Panadol and slept for awhile, and frankly, I felt better after that, thinking that it wasn't anything serious.

And yet again, I was proven wrong.

The high fever came back after dinner, and the drama starts again.

Tried to see a doctor immediately, but apparently there was 6 or 7 people already at the clinic, waiting to be treated.

So fine, since I'm already so feverish and zombified, I just waited and waited.

About twenty minutes later, all I can remember in that current state of mine, was people rushing in and out of the clinic, asking for their turn.

My mum, who was with me then, told me to ask the receptionist when would my turn come.

I did just that.

The response?

"Lima belas orang lagi."
You gotta be kidding me.

Needless to say, my dad rushed over to bring me to another nearby clinic.

And tell you what, this doctor is very inexperienced, according to my many encounters with my family doctor, thanks to me falling sick just too often this year.

But I didn't complain then, nor realized anything, since I was too sick to care.

The only sentences that I heard clearly then?

"If your fever still does not go down in the next two days, since this does not look like the common fever, come back on Tuesday morning to take a blood test. You're suspected of having dengue fever."
Oh hot damn.

No pun intended.

I still had no major reaction to that.

I didn't feel a thing.

I had no idea it was anything serious, since nothing was going into my already burning head.

Not even after I messaged Veena, telling her I can't go to school the next day.

Not even I texted Cai Ling dear, asking for a favour to do a little something for me.

I only told Veena and Cai Ling anyway, thinking that it wasn't anything serious still, and didn't want anybody else to get worried over something that might not be true.

Thinking it's merely an exaggeration.

It was till Cai Ling called me back, and asked me this one question right after I answered her call..

"Leonie!! Are you okay??!"
..I started crying.

And I just couldn't stop, 'cos Cai Ling just sounded so worried for me, and was trying to make sure I was fine.

And no, I don't want any of you telling her that I cried when she called me on Sunday, because she doesn't read my blog, at least not yet, and I don't think it's necessary for her to get upset because of this, you get me?

But it was nice to know that someone cares then.

I freaking swear upon this insignificant life of mine, that I really felt like I was dying then.

Literally.

No exaggeration, nothing.

Thank goodness, after taking the meds, the fever did go down.

I'm one blessed human.

Though I did made another visit to my family doctor yesterday, and I didn't have to take any darn blood test.

Woot.

And just what I DID NOT want to hear, was heard.

"I'm going to be very serious with you now, young lady. You are suffering from a severe case of over-exhaustion, and from your history of past illnesses, I noticed that your lungs are very weak, due to that severe cough you had two years back. I want you to have a lot of rest, and if possible, drop all of your school activities. Take a break. Or your parents will get very worried over your health. Your immune system is too weak for a young lady like you. You got that, young lady?"
Trust me, my family doctor hasn't been THIS strict with me before.

And I got scared, honestly.

Not one single word up there by my family doctor had been altered in any way.

Well, good job for him, he did his job of drilling every single word above into my head.

So yeah, I'm just trying to clarify things with everyone here.

I never dare to make a martyr of myself about anything concerning my health.

I don't do self-pity to attract attention.

I mean every single word I'm typing here, and I just don't want people to think that I'm such a brat anymore.

It really sucks when the many people I trusted, or thought I trusted, won't believe that I'm really sick.

I don't want to make such a big deal of it either, so please, unless anything major happens to me, can all of you please don't belittle my emotions and thoughts?

I treat all of you as the most important beings in my life. You guys matter to me so freaking damn much.

My question is..

..have you all ever treated me the same way?

*****Went up to KL on Monday morning, to drop my bro there.

Thinking that I wouldn't miss him, since he's apparently coming back for a two month holiday in about..seven weeks?

Just then, right after we reached the toll, my mum just had to pop the most dreaded question at that time.

"Miss your kor right?"

"Ah-mazingly, YESH."

"Feels different sitting in the car alone now, isn't it?"
And I don't think my bro reads my blog very often, but yesh.

Being the emotional drama mama I am, I cried.

Of course my parents have no idea I did.

I just silently let the tears go, realizing that for the next three years..

..there's no annoying poke to await me when I'm home.

..there's no one with a similar mind to rant to about my school problems, after my mum goes through that bit of torture as well.

..there's no one to go high and absolutely nonsensical with.

..there's no one I can whine at to help me with my homework.

..there's no one who'll make silly jokes just to try to cheer me up every time I looked grouchy, grumpy and moody, which is like, everyday now.

..there's just no more kor at home to depend on.

Boy, am I tearing up again.

Every human with a heart would have their emotional moments.

So, don't sue me for being dramatic or for crying too often these days.

I'm human too.

I just miss him. Really.

*****Life does sucks at some point.

2 comment(s):

Post a Comment

                                                   

It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

A reflection of me,
she won't show what's within.
but am I doing justice at all,
to the her that stares right back at me?
Hello hello dear readers.

That's to the fact if I even do have any at this point, since it's been long since I'd updated.

Oh well, can't blame them.

But in any case, I do have this sudden urge to blog, since it had been one hectic week.

Like..sleeping at 5.00am in the morning and waking up at 6.30am on my school's IU Day? For the sake of finishing my Powerpoint presentation, my so-called speech, a couple of other scripts and the ticket registration list. So yesh, I do secretly hope deep inside that my presentation was appreciated at least, on that day, even if it's not up to standard.

But hey, I did it with much sincerity okay, what more sacrificing my beauty sleep for the entertainment of those who did come for IU, so I do expect a little bit of credit there aye.

Because I was honestly devastated when I received this particular comment right after my presentation that it was too short. You know who you are. I'm really sorry, but please, I was already so exhausted, and you expected it to be longer? Who would want to listen to me anyway?

Maybe it's my fault because it's really done on a last minute basis, but as if I had so much free time in my hands.

Sigh.

And yesh, I was so exhausted by the time I finished the Powerpoint, that I just gave up on my speech, and made some stuff up approximately..five minutes before my turn to speak during the event itself? Just ah-mazing isn't it. Pardon my crap then.

Knowing that I sucked in the Mexican Hat Dance didn't help at all. Thank gawd to the human that invented shorts. Bless you.

Enough about IU, I'm just glad it's over.

But no, there has to be more drama after something that major is over.

This is to all those who wanted to know the full story on why Leonie has been absent from school on Monday and Tuesday.

Right after four hours of tuition on Sunday, I fell sick.

It wasn't even just the normal flu virus or anything, but hell yeah, damn sick was I that day.

High fever that almost hit 40°C? Feeling darn cold in Malaysia's super humid and scorching weather?

Abnormal, that's for sure.

Had a Panadol and slept for awhile, and frankly, I felt better after that, thinking that it wasn't anything serious.

And yet again, I was proven wrong.

The high fever came back after dinner, and the drama starts again.

Tried to see a doctor immediately, but apparently there was 6 or 7 people already at the clinic, waiting to be treated.

So fine, since I'm already so feverish and zombified, I just waited and waited.

About twenty minutes later, all I can remember in that current state of mine, was people rushing in and out of the clinic, asking for their turn.

My mum, who was with me then, told me to ask the receptionist when would my turn come.

I did just that.

The response?

"Lima belas orang lagi."
You gotta be kidding me.

Needless to say, my dad rushed over to bring me to another nearby clinic.

And tell you what, this doctor is very inexperienced, according to my many encounters with my family doctor, thanks to me falling sick just too often this year.

But I didn't complain then, nor realized anything, since I was too sick to care.

The only sentences that I heard clearly then?

"If your fever still does not go down in the next two days, since this does not look like the common fever, come back on Tuesday morning to take a blood test. You're suspected of having dengue fever."
Oh hot damn.

No pun intended.

I still had no major reaction to that.

I didn't feel a thing.

I had no idea it was anything serious, since nothing was going into my already burning head.

Not even after I messaged Veena, telling her I can't go to school the next day.

Not even I texted Cai Ling dear, asking for a favour to do a little something for me.

I only told Veena and Cai Ling anyway, thinking that it wasn't anything serious still, and didn't want anybody else to get worried over something that might not be true.

Thinking it's merely an exaggeration.

It was till Cai Ling called me back, and asked me this one question right after I answered her call..

"Leonie!! Are you okay??!"
..I started crying.

And I just couldn't stop, 'cos Cai Ling just sounded so worried for me, and was trying to make sure I was fine.

And no, I don't want any of you telling her that I cried when she called me on Sunday, because she doesn't read my blog, at least not yet, and I don't think it's necessary for her to get upset because of this, you get me?

But it was nice to know that someone cares then.

I freaking swear upon this insignificant life of mine, that I really felt like I was dying then.

Literally.

No exaggeration, nothing.

Thank goodness, after taking the meds, the fever did go down.

I'm one blessed human.

Though I did made another visit to my family doctor yesterday, and I didn't have to take any darn blood test.

Woot.

And just what I DID NOT want to hear, was heard.

"I'm going to be very serious with you now, young lady. You are suffering from a severe case of over-exhaustion, and from your history of past illnesses, I noticed that your lungs are very weak, due to that severe cough you had two years back. I want you to have a lot of rest, and if possible, drop all of your school activities. Take a break. Or your parents will get very worried over your health. Your immune system is too weak for a young lady like you. You got that, young lady?"
Trust me, my family doctor hasn't been THIS strict with me before.

And I got scared, honestly.

Not one single word up there by my family doctor had been altered in any way.

Well, good job for him, he did his job of drilling every single word above into my head.

So yeah, I'm just trying to clarify things with everyone here.

I never dare to make a martyr of myself about anything concerning my health.

I don't do self-pity to attract attention.

I mean every single word I'm typing here, and I just don't want people to think that I'm such a brat anymore.

It really sucks when the many people I trusted, or thought I trusted, won't believe that I'm really sick.

I don't want to make such a big deal of it either, so please, unless anything major happens to me, can all of you please don't belittle my emotions and thoughts?

I treat all of you as the most important beings in my life. You guys matter to me so freaking damn much.

My question is..

..have you all ever treated me the same way?

*****Went up to KL on Monday morning, to drop my bro there.

Thinking that I wouldn't miss him, since he's apparently coming back for a two month holiday in about..seven weeks?

Just then, right after we reached the toll, my mum just had to pop the most dreaded question at that time.

"Miss your kor right?"

"Ah-mazingly, YESH."

"Feels different sitting in the car alone now, isn't it?"
And I don't think my bro reads my blog very often, but yesh.

Being the emotional drama mama I am, I cried.

Of course my parents have no idea I did.

I just silently let the tears go, realizing that for the next three years..

..there's no annoying poke to await me when I'm home.

..there's no one with a similar mind to rant to about my school problems, after my mum goes through that bit of torture as well.

..there's no one to go high and absolutely nonsensical with.

..there's no one I can whine at to help me with my homework.

..there's no one who'll make silly jokes just to try to cheer me up every time I looked grouchy, grumpy and moody, which is like, everyday now.

..there's just no more kor at home to depend on.

Boy, am I tearing up again.

Every human with a heart would have their emotional moments.

So, don't sue me for being dramatic or for crying too often these days.

I'm human too.

I just miss him. Really.

*****Life does sucks at some point.

2 comment(s):

Post a Comment