I'm glad that the first monthly test is done and over with.

I know very well I'm going to flunk all my subjects, and yes that includes English and EST, I really think I have to start to buck up on my studies. Mind you, balancing twelve subjects with debate, Interact, music and Japanese classes, prefect duties, competitions, the school's editorial board, Queen's Guide and anything else school-related that I'm involved in with tuition, piano lessons, and the most dreaded homework from both school AND tuition is NAWT EASY.

Yes I know my life sounds very boring, I don't need anyone else rubbing more salt and lemon into the wound, thank you very much.

But honestly, I seriously got to find a way to get used to this kind of lifestyle soon.

Or I'll be a walking zombie by the end of high school.

Speaking of school, other than all those that I had mentioned earlier to survive in, there's also the inside politics to handle and deal with. I think no further elaboration is needed on this for the time being.

4 Science 1 might be the best class I had ever been in, so far.

But academic-wise, it is also the most stressful place to be in during tests and anything studies-related.

This isn't really my ideal environment, I don't get the point of stressing over studies too much. I mean, yearh sure, studies are hell important, but seeing people memorizing the crap outta their brains and getting all cranky due to it is just pissing me off. If they can't get all the facts and formulas into their heads, why choose to release your emotions on some innocent classmate(s)?

No matter what happens in all the chaos during tests, I'll stay firm with my principle in life, contrary to what the majority of students nowadays might think, or had been implanted in their poor brains.

I study for the sake of knowledge. I won't compete with my friends studies-wise. As long as I get good grades and learn something in the process, I'm a satisfied human. I already have a lot to deal with, I can sure do without the stress of fighting it out mentally with the rest of the fourth formers, in fact.

In truth, I had thought of dropping classes as well.

But I'm still staying on.

For the sake of my awesome friends.

And for the major fact that I DO NOT WANT ANYBODY TO LOOK DOWN ON ME NOR MY FAMILY.

I had been stepped on, dissed at, backstabbed, you name it, I'd been there, done that. My mumsie especially, had been going through with all these, verbally and physically at times, by relatives and her so-called friends.

That's why I'd really prayed so hard for straight A's for PMR.

Because nobody in both my dad and mum's side of the family, my cousins namely, had gotten straight A's for PMR before.

And I can proudly say that I am the first to achieve it.

The moment I got my results, I was really pleased with the fact my usually conservative mum can finally have a chance to brag about me to her snobby siblings and in-laws, who would usually sneer at us 'cos we're financially unstable and the drama in my family..is too much. And they actually find it funny.

I was so pissed.

So freaking pissed.

I honestly am NOT close to any of my relatives at all, because of the fact that I always had problems communicating with them, as my kor and I are the only Malay and English educated kids among the lot, while the rest of my cousins are pure Chinese-breds.

I can speak, write and understand simple everyday Chinese, but there's bound to be a difference in their mindsets and mine. They love Taiwan boy bands and Korean dramas, I prefer books and rock and jazz. They dress lala while I feel comfortable in jeans and a tee. And they call me plain-looking and behind the latest trends for that. This is why I am and never will be chummy with my cousins, and relatives for that.

Enough about my family background. I think I said too much already. Any more and I have no idea what the consequences may be.

Now, let's talk about YOU.

YOU have no idea how much of a bitch you're being to me. Sure, I know I'm not a good dancer like you, but honestly, I just wanted to know whether I was good, average, or honestly dancing isn't my thing at all. From the way you said it, the cowardly side of me took place and I decided not to know the truth in the end. 'Cos I know it's going to hurt somehow, and hence me now assuming the fact that I suck in dancing. I slacked in practice right after you arrived. This really brought me down, and it isn't the only thing too. Recently YOU had been shunning me off, as if I did something wrong to you or what the heck. Even if I did, YOU are not confronting me about it and directly telling it to my face. It might hurt, but at least I know what's going on in your mind. And if it's something really bad about me, I would change, not immediately, but give me time and only time will tell.

I feel that you had been using me physically as well to get attention for yourself. And I will tell you now, I don't like it. Not one bit of it. It sucks being your underling and you doing whatever you please to me. I have a brain and an able body of my own, why must I succumb to what you think is right? It might be right for you, but for me? It's all so wrong, no words can describe how shitty I feel inside.

I had thought some time before ranting about this, as you had been spending on me and I feel bad for not getting anything for you, as I can tell you the painfully honest truth, I'm financially unstable now. But really, even if you don't get me all that, all I want from you is to just be an honest friend to me. Is it all that hard?

And you know what? I don't want to fucking talk to you for now unless completely necessary.

*****It's the flu season y'all.

May is not coming to school tomorrow already.

So, take good care of yourselves, drink more H20, and have adequate rest aye!

Till the next post.

I feel slightly better now after all that typing.

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It’s not an English name I came up with for myself. My mother is indeed a genius in coming up with such a splendid name for me. Although my name has been unfortunately mutilated (nicknames are excluded) over the past years, full credits to my mum for my current identity.

I’m certainly looking forward to changing the word ‘patient’ to ‘survivor’! If you’re interested to read about my journey in battling lymphoma, you can click here to proceed to my cancer blog.

Ironic, I know; this blog is mainly pink instead. I like all colours actually, but I find myself having an affinity to the colour green. In fact, I can safely say that green is my soul colour.

Languages, music, fashion, photography, cultures, dance, literature, writing; just about anything, really. The arts truly intrigue me, especially thought-provoking pieces. Of course, the arts play a major role in inspiring me in my everyday life.

I don’t have a favourite genre – I read any book that interests me!

I am a trained right-hander from young, since apparently being left-handed is considered ‘wrong’. Basically, I’m ambidextrous! No wonder I find it easier to air guitar using my left hand than my right; I simply relate to the arts than subjects that deal with logical thinking better, too.

A stubborn Bull I am, too. I abhor being rushed. I prefer doing matters at my own reasonable pace. I don’t particularly like changes in my routine, but I can adapt quite easily. I’m a very practical person as well. I enjoy the beautiful things in life, but that doesn’t make me shun ugliness at all. Besides, it all depends on how one perceives beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Still am, but I’m slowly learning to accept imperfection into my life. Also, I’m doing my best to erase the many expectations I have so I could one day master the art of letting go and freeing myself to simple happiness and joy.

Compared to before, I’m less dramatic nowadays. Language-wise, I attempt to blog flawlessly in English and speak proper English online with my peers. Call me a Grammar Nazi all you want, but that’s how I roll. I only converse in perfect English in formal situations and during my dramatic outbursts. Otherwise, I’m absolutely capable of communicating like the average Malaysian!

It’s a different issue altogether when you’re forced to learn for the sake of getting good grades, though. Other than that, I’m open to new information and knowledge anytime! I especially would like to learn more languages and pick up new musical instruments.

…are just some of the things I would love to do in the near future, hopefully!

the basic rules apply. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. If you happen to be someone who has low EQ skills, I’ll try to be tolerant but my patience is definitely limited. I’m observant when it comes to human behaviour. I’m a person of many opinions, but I don’t voice them out unless I trust you enough; I’m very honest and candid when it comes to the people I can trust. Even though I trust very easily, not everybody can prove that they’re all that nice. Hurt me, and I’ll only defend myself if necessary. Hurt my family or my friends – you won’t find me holding back.

Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
Throw me your questions and/or doubts here! I honestly have nothing to hide, so you’ll expect the truth and nothing but the truth.

It’s only how I phrase my answers that you’ll have to be aware of.
Or…you can click hereto go back to reading!

I'm glad that the first monthly test is done and over with.

I know very well I'm going to flunk all my subjects, and yes that includes English and EST, I really think I have to start to buck up on my studies. Mind you, balancing twelve subjects with debate, Interact, music and Japanese classes, prefect duties, competitions, the school's editorial board, Queen's Guide and anything else school-related that I'm involved in with tuition, piano lessons, and the most dreaded homework from both school AND tuition is NAWT EASY.

Yes I know my life sounds very boring, I don't need anyone else rubbing more salt and lemon into the wound, thank you very much.

But honestly, I seriously got to find a way to get used to this kind of lifestyle soon.

Or I'll be a walking zombie by the end of high school.

Speaking of school, other than all those that I had mentioned earlier to survive in, there's also the inside politics to handle and deal with. I think no further elaboration is needed on this for the time being.

4 Science 1 might be the best class I had ever been in, so far.

But academic-wise, it is also the most stressful place to be in during tests and anything studies-related.

This isn't really my ideal environment, I don't get the point of stressing over studies too much. I mean, yearh sure, studies are hell important, but seeing people memorizing the crap outta their brains and getting all cranky due to it is just pissing me off. If they can't get all the facts and formulas into their heads, why choose to release your emotions on some innocent classmate(s)?

No matter what happens in all the chaos during tests, I'll stay firm with my principle in life, contrary to what the majority of students nowadays might think, or had been implanted in their poor brains.

I study for the sake of knowledge. I won't compete with my friends studies-wise. As long as I get good grades and learn something in the process, I'm a satisfied human. I already have a lot to deal with, I can sure do without the stress of fighting it out mentally with the rest of the fourth formers, in fact.

In truth, I had thought of dropping classes as well.

But I'm still staying on.

For the sake of my awesome friends.

And for the major fact that I DO NOT WANT ANYBODY TO LOOK DOWN ON ME NOR MY FAMILY.

I had been stepped on, dissed at, backstabbed, you name it, I'd been there, done that. My mumsie especially, had been going through with all these, verbally and physically at times, by relatives and her so-called friends.

That's why I'd really prayed so hard for straight A's for PMR.

Because nobody in both my dad and mum's side of the family, my cousins namely, had gotten straight A's for PMR before.

And I can proudly say that I am the first to achieve it.

The moment I got my results, I was really pleased with the fact my usually conservative mum can finally have a chance to brag about me to her snobby siblings and in-laws, who would usually sneer at us 'cos we're financially unstable and the drama in my family..is too much. And they actually find it funny.

I was so pissed.

So freaking pissed.

I honestly am NOT close to any of my relatives at all, because of the fact that I always had problems communicating with them, as my kor and I are the only Malay and English educated kids among the lot, while the rest of my cousins are pure Chinese-breds.

I can speak, write and understand simple everyday Chinese, but there's bound to be a difference in their mindsets and mine. They love Taiwan boy bands and Korean dramas, I prefer books and rock and jazz. They dress lala while I feel comfortable in jeans and a tee. And they call me plain-looking and behind the latest trends for that. This is why I am and never will be chummy with my cousins, and relatives for that.

Enough about my family background. I think I said too much already. Any more and I have no idea what the consequences may be.

Now, let's talk about YOU.

YOU have no idea how much of a bitch you're being to me. Sure, I know I'm not a good dancer like you, but honestly, I just wanted to know whether I was good, average, or honestly dancing isn't my thing at all. From the way you said it, the cowardly side of me took place and I decided not to know the truth in the end. 'Cos I know it's going to hurt somehow, and hence me now assuming the fact that I suck in dancing. I slacked in practice right after you arrived. This really brought me down, and it isn't the only thing too. Recently YOU had been shunning me off, as if I did something wrong to you or what the heck. Even if I did, YOU are not confronting me about it and directly telling it to my face. It might hurt, but at least I know what's going on in your mind. And if it's something really bad about me, I would change, not immediately, but give me time and only time will tell.

I feel that you had been using me physically as well to get attention for yourself. And I will tell you now, I don't like it. Not one bit of it. It sucks being your underling and you doing whatever you please to me. I have a brain and an able body of my own, why must I succumb to what you think is right? It might be right for you, but for me? It's all so wrong, no words can describe how shitty I feel inside.

I had thought some time before ranting about this, as you had been spending on me and I feel bad for not getting anything for you, as I can tell you the painfully honest truth, I'm financially unstable now. But really, even if you don't get me all that, all I want from you is to just be an honest friend to me. Is it all that hard?

And you know what? I don't want to fucking talk to you for now unless completely necessary.

*****It's the flu season y'all.

May is not coming to school tomorrow already.

So, take good care of yourselves, drink more H20, and have adequate rest aye!

Till the next post.

I feel slightly better now after all that typing.

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Post a Comment